How do i know if he is the "one"?

LegacyUser

So the title of this topic gives off the vibe that i am in an ideal situation....I am not.

I was with a guy for 2 and a half years, we were friends before we got together and we both developed feelings for each other around the same time, it was mutual and with that "I just knew". We shared the most amazing friendship - we didn't agree on everything and we had our bust - ups.

I though, had my own struggle. I'd been struggling with Bulimia before i ever met him, i cared so much what he thought of me at the start i never told him, also, we were going out for dinner a lot and i enjoyed it, I knew at the very start he probably would've really supported me but I didn't want to ruin what we had, because it felt perfect.

I don't know what people know here about Bulimia, every case is different but it's a very shameful disorder, i felt like crap and i put him through hell and back - he didn't know i was sick and i was so dependent on him to reassure me i was pretty, that he loved me, that we had a future etc. I didn't even know i was doing it but i was picking out the really small irrelevant parts of our relationship and twisting them to my family and friends to make it look like he treated me bad. He really didn't, he was a bit mean at times but i'm pretty sure i drove him too it.

Anyway, we would break up and be completely unable to stay away from eachother - we developed a really bad bad dynamic, we were both constantly walking on eggshells till eventually, to my dismay he called it a day. I thought it was the end of the world, it crushed me.

The week we broke up i came clean about the extent of my bulimia, it seemed to answer a lot of questions in his head and he wanted to help - but not get back together. We stayed in touch anyway for the most part - maintaining our close friendship and only agreeing to do no contact when i would usually decide i wanted us to get back together after a week of recovery, he was always honest and never led me down the garden path....the logical decsion was for us to not get back together and then i would relapse, i never blamed him out loud but i was so self involved, i just made him feel like it was.

It's a year later now since that break-up and I finally found recovery on July 17th. We decided to really do no contact in August and we both took it seriously, i found myself able to put him out of my head, even not want him back at times, but sometimes, i'd miss him terribly. The hardest part is going on dates with other guys, the chemistry is "ok" and they want to see me again but my heart is just screaming that it's so crap in comparison to the chemistry I had with my ex. Throughout my recovery I've reallly realised how bad things were for him, and I don't regret how things turned out because if i hadn't lost something so dear to me I would never had had the cop on to go get help and get through this.

We both got back in touch in the last 2 weeks, it's different, there's no eggshells and again, that chemistry is rampant. I know that getting back together would feel wrong, i just think, even though I am better, that dynamic might be so embedded in us that we can't avoid it. We had the most honest chat last night and we both are in the same place. We've both failed to meet other people who share that "spark" and a part of both of us would love to be fools and get back together - but we both know that now, for whatever reason, it just woudln't work - but we both agreed that in the future, it just might.

I feel so amazingly happy today to know that he forgives me and he still cares and we're both on the same page - but i can't help but fear what might happen in the next few years - I feel like he is the "one" but surely if he was...we could make it work whatever the weather.

I'm not saying i'm going to put my life on hold for him, nore do i want him to do the same for me, we're both young and we deserve to experience life but i just wonder is this idea gonna break my heart, i've been through too much already - and so has he.

I'm just opening up to opinions xxx

cantdecide

I can't imagine what it must have been like trying to endure bulimia and it's amazing that you're out the other side. I think that if he hasn't mis-treated you and was there for you and now you're in a better/less self destructive place where you can give some more time abck to him, then who's to say that your relationship won't end up stronger than ever??

anonymous_joe

In all honesty just because someone's 'The One' doesn't mean it'll work no matter what. At the end of the day, very few relationships are that strong, and it's never easy to maintain them, but people don't mind them failing.

When you genuinely love someone, and they love you too, it also puts a lot of stress on a relationship. You expect more from them, and they expect more from you. A lot of people end up arguing and ruining things.

You've gotten a second chance, so why not just go for it? Carpe Diem etc.