Insecurities Problem

JoeyW

Hi guys,

I'm probably so overeacting here, but my confidence has reached a low time and I need some advise..
I lost a lot of weight lately which I am so pruod of. Took a long time but I finally got there and I've finally started to feel a bit more confident with myself. Everyone has been telling me how great I look but when I tell this to my other half he kind of rolls his eyes at me in a disinterested manner. He's never once complimented me on it but I didn't care too much cos I was feeling kind of confident anyway and was well chuffed with how I looked. I got to a size 10 from a 14, I didn't need him to tell me how I looked, I felt damn good.
I was going out last night and bought myself a shortish dress, just over the knee, looked really well but perhaps not my usual type of going out outfit. I felt a bit uncomfortable as I'm a jeans type of girl best of time. anyhoo, as I was going out, I called in to kiss him goodbye and he looked me up and down in a total partronising type of way but said nothing so I just said you are so rude can you not even say something to me about how I look, bad or good?! He toally ignored me!!
I went out feeling maybe it wasn't the best dress to wear but everyone complimented me all night and said how lovely I looked which made me think, what the f**k is his problem? Is everyone else wrong or is he just an insensitive pig who hasn't one nice word to say? I'm so hurt I can't even look him in the eye today.
please help any advice totally apreciated. Good or bad!
Thanks

Silverfish

This sounds more like his insecurity than yours, maybe (just a thought) he feels that perhaps now there's a 'New You' that you might be looking for a 'New Him'.

MagicMarker

And I thought it was the men who were unable to read between the lines!

OP, he's obviously insecure and is worried about the kind of attention you're going to get from now on.

Don't berate him and don't take it so personal, it's not like he suddenly finds you ugly!

Sit him down and talk to him.

cantdecide

Tell him you feel hurt by his behaviour (but he does come off as a jerk if he can't be happy for you).

JoeyW

Thanks guys, I was actually thinking he had gone off me and thought I was ugly! I never once thought it might have been his problem. We're together so long I thought he would just know how much he means to me. he knows how shy and un-self confident I am. I always tell him I wish he would tell me more how he felt about me. He's not the best at expressing himself at the best of times. Maybe I'm not so good either but I thought it was more a girl thing to get compliments. Do men want to hear how good they look too?

MagicMarker

JoeyW wrote: »

Do men want to hear how good they look too?

We're only human, when we're given a compliment it makes us happy just like it does a woman.

EamonnKeane

I think it's more likely that he's tired of you obsessing over your weight , and if it goes up again (which is very common), he'll have to hear about that too.

cantdecide

JoeyW wrote: »

Do men want to hear how good they look too?

To a lesser extent, but generally I'd say yes. I'm sure there are some who couldn't give a monkeys...

JoeyW

Thanks for all the replies, it's not really the weight issue. I've sang all my life in bands and I know i'm a damn good singer but he's never once mentioned that either. I have old albums with me singing that I've let him listen to and he lost interest after the first song! I guess he's just not a complimentive sort of person. It never bothered me before because I was always a confident person and the weight issue only started when we moved in together. We both piled on the weight. Only I have managed to lose mine and let me tell you, it was never an obsession of mine. I lost it because we got a dog who demands to be walked every day! Pot luck. Definatly nothing I obsessed about. So theres no fear of me moaning if I put it on again. Thats not going to happen anyway. I'm far too active these days thanks to said dog!

cantdecide

JoeyW wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, it's not really the weight issue. I've sang all my life in bands and I know i'm a damn good singer but he's never once mentioned that either. I have old albums with me singing that I've let him listen to and he lost interest after the first song! I guess he's just not a complimentive sort of person. It never bothered me before because I was always a confident person and the weight issue only started when we moved in together. We both piled on the weight. Only I have managed to lose mine and let me tell you, it was never an obsession of mine. I lost it because we got a dog who demands to be walked every day! Pot luck. Definatly nothing I obsessed about. So theres no fear of me moaning if I put it on again. Thats not going to happen anyway. I'm far too active these days thanks to said dog!

Is he a confident guy, usually?

I had confidence issues and it was always a big deal for me to pay a compliment to others and I don't know why. Since I've grown some mojo, I'm like a mother telling everyone how wonderful and great at everything they are.

JoeyW

Hi Can'tdecide, I'm not sure whether you would class him as a confident person or not. He's certainly not outgoing and isn't into going out all not unless he really has to. I usually end up going out on my own with friends which wouldn't be too often , when we first met I was the outgoing one who wanted to go out all the time and meet people and he was the one who wanted to sit in. As I said, we're together a long time (10 years) but I would probably still class me as the more outgoing.

cantdecide

JoeyW wrote: »

Hi Can'tdecide, I'm not sure whether you would class him as a confident person or not. He's certainly not outgoing and isn't into going out all not unless he really has to. I usually end up going out on my own with friends which wouldn't be too often , when we first met I was the outgoing one who wanted to go out all the time and meet people and he was the one who wanted to sit in. As I said, we're together a long time (10 years) but I would probably still class me as the more outgoing.

It's possible he wants you to drag him out to show you off but thinks that it's you that doesn't want him.

Defo jealousy and insecurity. Have you stopped trying to take him out all of a sudden? ie, could he think that you've got yourself in shape and you're starting a new part of your life without him??

I would seriously confront him. Really. It's unlike he's just turned into a cold fish for no reason.

JoeyW

I invite him out every time and he has no interest. He used to go out the whole time with his mates (boys only) and then they all started to build theri own homes and settle down so now none of them bother to go out. When I went out last night it was a family pary and he has no interest in my family "dos" at all. I swear, my family all think I'm single as they;ve only ever heard of him. After 10 years??? Not my immediate family obviously but some aunts and uncles and some distant cousins have never met him. He'll gladly drive me ther and pick me up but never wants to show his face. Maybe it is a confidence issue. I just thought he couldn't be bothered more than was shy..

cantdecide

Are you sure he's not suffering from depression?? Is he disapointed that you haven't come to his rescue?

I'm a BIGTIME wallflower myself but I think even if he were completely uninterested, he would feel socially obligated to make appearances at least.

~nop~

JoeyW wrote: »

We both piled on the weight. Only I have managed to lose mine

Definately his insecurity.

Nevyn

Maybe he misses your curves.

Sofaspud

I've kinda been on his end of the stick before. I went out with a girl, she lost a LOT of weight and looked amazing afterwards. I never wanted to tell her how great I thought she looked, because I felt like it would be implying that I didn't think she looked great before she lost it.

Just another theory.

Cryos

Think everyone has hit the nail on the head, he seems really insecure and it might centre round the weight loss... We all have the stories about being traded for better looking models perhaps this is on his mind.

Have a talk to him and see if he is feeling ok ?