Hypocrites, DUI's, and wine

UndefinedDreams

This Thanksgiving, there was an arguement between my younger sister and father. He opened old wound about her DUI that she got in January of 2007. We were talking about clutter being around the house and in the basement, and I told them I was worrying about wasting space with clutter, and I would have to get rid of all that clutter. My younger sister said to me, "Don't worry about it, you worry about too many things". Then my dad said to my sister, "But you should worry about things.....like be worried when a cop pulls you over on the side of the road". Then they got into a confrontation with each other. It wasn't a blow out or anything, but my father was being an a--hole. My dad, aunt and mom were drinking wine.....my younger sister, my older sister, my grandma and I were not. I think maybe alcohol made him like that.

Then we started talking about something else, and she manipulated him, and made him look bad. They got into another confrontation, and I felt bad for my dad in this one. On the way out, when it was only me and my dad walking out to the car, he told me that the second confrontation had nothing to do with me. I told him that I thought what my younger sister said was bad. Then he asked me not to get into it. I said ok.

When we got home and I was alone with my mom, and I said that I felt sorry for my dad because of the second confrontation. But she said that he was being an a--hole....and that he picks at my younger sister. And then me and my mom got into a discussion about how he has always been. But my mom said not to feel sorry for him. She also said that my sister manipulates him too.

My dad stopped putting pressure on me and stopped confronting me about everything since I was hospitalized 3 times because of Paxil. He is really behind me now. He wasn't behind me for 6-7 years when I was put on and taking the Paxil. But now he is behind me, and I am forever thankful because of that. It made me get a softer spot in my heart for him. I totally forgive him for not being there for me for those years. I am not saying this sarcasticly. I really am thankful that he came around in my case.

But I feel sorry for him. All 3 of us are on different levels with him. If my younger sister ever moves out again, she will be on a good level with my dad. My older sister moved out and she is on a good level with him. I am on a good level with him because of my situation, but my younger sister is not on a good level with him. Ever since I was in sixth grade, I had a fear of my father dying. And I still have that fear. I am afraid that I will feel sad for our problems that we had in life.

LegacyUser

Hi op,
I think you need to focus on your relationship with your father only. You cannot fix what is wrong with you siblings relationship and get them on a better level. You say you are on a good level with you Father nowadays and that is the main thing, no matter what happened in the past.
All families have these squabbles, some minor, some more serious. It sounds a though your sister is old enough to handle and work on her relationship with your father so it's best to stay out of that for your own sake and your dad and sis, unless they ask for your help.

Hope you feel better soon:)

UndefinedDreams

Thanks for the advice. I think that staying out of their conflicts is the best thing to do for myself.