F*ck buddy - what does he want?

LegacyUser

Was good friends with a guy in college last year and things were really flirty with us. I broke up with my boyfriend of a couple of years and we ended up sleeping together very shortly after. (not a rebound trust me me n my bf were well over, no surprise) It was something that had been on the cards for a while and we ended up in a f*ck buddy relationship soon after the first night happened(which of course was a result of being v drunk!) yet i think it would have happened regardless.

Anyway, lately he's been acting strange didnt seem to be having much fun anymore, so I confronted him and asked if he wanted to stop. He said no. Then a month later i asked the same thing. He said no, he was just not interested due to stress at college. However the day after we had a big arguement as his ex girlfriend has herself a new boyfriend and he said it would be tempting to find someone hot to get one up on her.

I took this a bit sorely n gave out n it resulted in a stop being put to the f buddy relationship because it was apparently 'stale' and it wasn't like he hadn't been looking for someone he 'liked'. So that was fine, i was perfectly happy with this and to stay friends only.

So things were fine between us for a week after, then on wednesday he came over to mine (i rent with some friends) just to hang around cuz he'd nearly finished essays etc so was calmer and he tried to get some sex out of me. I said no of course, because the things he said in my opinion were harsh and a bit cruel to say to the person who is supposedly your best friend. He apologised but we didnt sleep together.

We went out the next night with some friends and we did tho. The problem i have is I know I'm being stupid because he's going to end up ****ing me around once he gets a new girl that he wants and of course that he 'likes'. Maybe I'm overreacting but I think he's being a bit selfish and only lookin out for himself. Genuinely though, he is the nicest guy i know, he's normally not selfish or cruel in any way, he's really lovely to me and always looks out for me and he really is my best friend.

Everyone thinks hes afraid because he wants a gf but is afraid of it being me and losing our friendship, but i dont think thats the problem. And I don't know what to do when it comes to gettin with him again because I want it just as much as he does despite it being the wrong thing to do. I know it doesnt seem like a have a question here cuz i dont think i do really, I'm just looking for a bit of advice and a place to vent the situation. Sorry for such along post.

MagicMarker

I tried to read that, I really did, but I failed miserably.

mikemac

It took me 4 attempts to make sense of that
I thought these threads get approved or rejected. How did this get approved?
Oops, can't question the mods

Wheredoistand wrote: »

Everyone thinks hes afraid because he wants a gf but is afraid of it being me and losing our friendship,

We'll keep it short
He doesn't care about you and you are a backup. Once he gets a new gf, you'll be dropped like a stone.
And this includes your "friendship" too

Fizman

Quick word of advice OP. Paragraphs.

You will find helpful and constructive replies once you have a well structured post/rant/story/etc.

Oh and I find it hard to understand how you refer to a person as your fcuk buddy, but you also refer to him as your best friend!? I know you said the first time had drink involved, but surely you've been sober since then? You are just setting yourself up to get your heart smashed into little pieces imo.

In$omniac

I got the jumpy eye syndrome trying to read that, paragraphs are needed definitely.

KTRIC

OP, help us help you. Paragraphs are one of lifes free little pleasures.

partyguinness

In my opinion, the problem here is with you...

you dont know or cant decide what you want in your own head. Is it just **** buddy sex or not..??? At the risk of sounding very patronising you are analyising the **** of the situation.

You must decide...**** buddy or not???

If its a **** buddy situation get over it..leave at that and if it starts getting messy then get the hell out..

But its more than that to you, isnt it?? even if you cant admit it or refuse to see it. Otherwise you wouldnt be writing that post. You clearly fancy him and want to be with him..problem now is he doesnt respect you and you are just filling in a void..

Trust me..I am 30 yrs old spent 7 years in college and I ****ed around plenty of women in similar circumstances...not proud of it but I can look back at it and call it for what it was.

YOu just need to sort out your own head first before trying to figure his out...

ps..no matter how nice this guy is...he is using you for sex (full stop).

Aidric

He wants out by the sounds of it.

In$omniac

Wheredoistand wrote: »

Everyone thinks hes afraid because he wants a gf but is afraid of it being me and losing our friendship

The best way to find out is to sit him down and ask him out straight! I think you need to be asking yourself what you want also, as you seem a little confused.

Carrigart Exile

Wheredoistand wrote: »

Was good friends with a guy in college last year and things were really flirty with us. I broke up with my boyfriend of a couple of years and we ended up sleeping together very shortly after. (not a rebound trust me me n my bf were well over, no surprise) It was something that had been on the cards for a while and we ended up in a f*ck buddy relationship soon after the first night happened(which of course was a result of being v drunk!) yet i think it would have happened regardless.

Anyway, lately he's been acting strange didnt seem to be having much fun anymore, so I confronted him and asked if he wanted to stop. He said no. Then a month later i asked the same thing. He said no, he was just not interested due to stress at college. However the day after we had a big arguement as his ex girlfriend has herself a new boyfriend and he said it would be tempting to find someone hot to get one up on her.

I took this a bit sorely n gave out n it resulted in a stop being put to the f buddy relationship because it was apparently 'stale' and it wasn't like he hadn't been looking for someone he 'liked'. So that was fine, i was perfectly happy with this and to stay friends only.

So things were fine between us for a week after, then on wednesday he came over to mine (i rent with some friends) just to hang around cuz he'd nearly finished essays etc so was calmer and he tried to get some sex out of me. I said no of course, because the things he said in my opinion were harsh and a bit cruel to say to the person who is supposedly your best friend. He apologised but we didnt sleep together.

We went out the next night with some friends and we did tho. The problem i have is I know I'm being stupid because he's going to end up ****ing me around once he gets a new girl that he wants and of course that he 'likes'. Maybe I'm overreacting but I think he's being a bit selfish and only lookin out for himself. Genuinely though, he is the nicest guy i know, he's normally not selfish or cruel in any way, he's really lovely to me and always looks out for me and he really is my best friend.

Everyone thinks hes afraid because he wants a gf but is afraid of it being me and losing our friendship, but i dont think thats the problem. And I don't know what to do when it comes to gettin with him again because I want it just as much as he does despite it being the wrong thing to do. I know it doesnt seem like a have a question here cuz i dont think i do really, I'm just looking for a bit of advice and a place to vent the situation. Sorry for such along post.

OP, I am confused, what is it you want from him. You say he is a F-buddy, so he is just that. It sounds like you want him as an exclusive boyfriend and are taking umbrage at him now looking for an exclusive girlfriend. Might I suggest you both stop sleeping with each other until you have sorted your thoughts out regarding each other.

lee_arama

Been there, done that etc.

Though *SHE* may have been the FB rather than I...

Anyway - I think us guys revel in the chase, the endorphin surge from chasing, catching, landing, the girl.

In a FB situation there's none of that - it's just by the numbers. Wham bam, thankee mam.

Close friends can work as a couple so if you really like him just ask him out...

Colonel_McCoy

Think he is using until he finds somebody else. Iys the old monkey syndrome..... not letting go off one branch until he has another one to hold onto.

bin him

Dob74

Cut the cord with him or become his gf. Its easy to see that you have feelings for him and you are going to get hurt even more when he has a new gf. You probably cant be friends either, you'll just end up as someone he can use for a love'n now and again.
Take a tough line with him otherwise he'll just start messing you around more.

Beruthiel

OP
The answer is very simple.
This is obviously upsetting you enough to post unregged here. Clearly you have to quit putting yourself in the same position again.
You've got a brain, this is what should rule your actions, drunk or not.
You are allowing him to do this to you, you have no one to blame but yourself if you feel badly about it later.
Take your self respect back and move on.

Grawns

micmclo wrote: »

We'll keep it short
He doesn't care about you and you are a backup. Once he gets a new gf, you'll be dropped like a stone.
And this includes your "friendship" too

Spot on! Too late to rescue this friendship now anyway.

themadchef

lee_arama wrote: »

In a FB situation there's none of that - it's just by the numbers. Wham bam, thankee mam.

Exactly.

From reading your post OP it's obvious that in your head this is not a FB situation for you, or you're at least trying to turn him into some kind of regular boyfriend. It's a booty call. Nothing more. Stop deluding yourself.

You are friends, who brought sex into the equation. It can work very well for both of you (I'm speaking from experience here), but, you need to take the emotional side of sex out the equation for it to work. The sex has to be great. Both of you have to be on level playing fields emotionally. Most importantly you cant entertain thoughts or fantasies of it ever being a relationship...it's just great sex with someone you trust.

I'm not saying it has to be "cold" it should be fun...this has stopped being fun for either of you.

Drop the sex, stop dreaming, it's not necessarily the end of the friendship, but you do need to stop seeing him for a while.

This is not how a FB's treat each other.

LegacyUser

Ok first of all, i don't need people telling me thats its obvious i feel something more from my post. I apologise for the fact it didnt make sense, I just wanted to rant. And for a personal issues forum I think that alot of the answers of 'help' were a bit rude.
I'm not looking for a relationship with him, I just think that as his best friend I deserve a bit more respect. Not once did i say I wanted a relationship with him. I was perfectly happy with uncomplicated sex as thats what its has been the last 6 7 months. But he got narky of late and I didnt know whether it was just his ex pissin him off or just he wanted out of the situation.
The fact that he wants back in now set me off. I'm not deluded that theres more coming from it. I don't expect more, we both agreed at the start that it wasnt going to be more. I just dont know whether I should continue for the sake of getting some because yes it is good sex and yes i do want it or else stop because he's not going about getting it out of me too nicely.
And I'm not this big damsel in distress being used in my opinion, because i think we're using each other in the exact same way. Neither of us have been with anyone else but the option is there if we're not out together, its whether the oppurtunity arises that we take it or not.

Grawns

I guess we're being a bit hard on you but IMO In the history of "friends with benefits", has there ever been a happy ending?

Anyway - here's some rules that might be of interest to you.

marshmallow

OP, I was in the EXACT same sit upto a few weeks ago. Best friends, exes, on/off for years.. he didnt treat me with respect at all! Things were going great for us (being everything a couple is without the titles) but he ****ed him up for about the 100th time.

Called it a day altogether. We haven't talked since, it's cost us our friendship. My friends are so happy & proud that it's finally over but it's still kinda hard to lose a best friend.. Get out before it's too late if you want a friendship.