Advice needed........

LegacyUser

Ok so how to begin this one. Married to a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman for over 3 years, together about 8 no kids yet. We seperated for a time before we were married because I was unsure about the relationship. Thing is we get on really well. She's my best friend and while there are arguments these are few and far between. We are financially stable and never have problems here. We have great friends and families etc. I mean from the outside the marriage is essentially like any other but problem is that there is always this niggling feeling in the back of my stupid head that it somehow doesn't feel right. I hate myself for having these feelings and try to just block them out and tell myself that I'm a complete gobsh*te and just get on with it. This goes ok for a while but unfortunately they eventually return to plague me for another brief period until I repeat the above process. I guess the problem comes down to me feeling that I'm just not as physically attracted to my wife as she is to me perhaps I don't know. I know this may seem strange but although she is a beautiful looking woman I just don't find myself turned on or attracted by her sometimes. I abhor myself for thinking this way but I can't control it and find myself being attracted to other woman sometimes which I know is wrong but I feel im sometimes more attracted to them then my own wife. Maybe I am just being silly and that these feelings will pass. I obviously can't tell her how I feel because she would be devastated and it would crush her. She's not a fragile woman or anything but I know how much she loves me and the time we broke up for a period she was deeply hurt and found it extremely hard to come to terms with. She is aware that there is a problem recently but thinks its just us rubbing each other up the wrong way etc about ordinary everyday things. I mean the easiest thing for me is to just to continue on regardless and say nothing which I have been doing or tell her how I feel but I just can't see myself doing that to her. I care too much about her. Please tell me I'm just being a stupid idiot and this behaviour will pass!

Armadillo Sho

O deary mee..

OP, i know this will sound very odd but what is it that other girls have that your wife doesn't...? And also.. How did you start going out, did you find her attractive then, and if so what was the attracted you about her.

I can say that I had those doubts before about my hubby and to be quite honest, I love him for him, his personality, the way he makes me feel etc and that really helped me to get over those feeling.. so if you think you are alone on this..your are not my friend and its not stupid either to have these feelings, its very normal i found.

I really cannot promote the idea of telling your wife about it, but I can't quite say that you should keep quiet about it either, so maybe talk to a close mate or professional.

Here is something I did that kind of helped me, I made a list of what i liked about my hubby and what i did not, and then I kind of had a conversation with him just saying that I love him etc but that it was few things that i would love if he could change.. and we worked on them together, it really made things so much better. I found that it was like telling him what i felt but without being so blunt about it and it did not hurt his feelings.. was just constructive...if that makes sense.

We also kind of had these games where we went to a bar where no one knew us and we pretended that we where strangers and he could pick me up and all that.. it was really fun and refreshing...

Donno I have loads of advise flying out sorry about that...:p and sorry for the long reply.. but its really just close to home and I know how you feel..

Good luck man.. xxxx L

Bottle_of_Smoke

It kind of seems as if this is a "grass is always greener" issue for you.

If she was more attractive would her personality be enough? Or is there any chance you're not in love with her?

I just think that if you were actually in love with her this wouldn't be an isse, considering you say she is a beautiful woman.

And it's normal to be attracted to other women.

TripleAce

Surely even Brad Pitt thinks about how attractive other women are sometimes.....this doesn't mean that Angeline Jolie is ugly!

It is just natural.....

jessbeth

It's natural to be attracted to other women. That's a human reaction. There are all different kinds of marriages and I think a lot of people leave marriages thinking that just because they are not totally attracted to a person then they shouldn't remain married. That's just not the case. Marriage is about so many more things then just attraction. It's about friendship and caring and being best friends and able to chat and have fun together. Maybe you could drop a few subtle hints of how you could spice things up between the pair of you. I wouldn't come out and tell her that you find her unattractive because this would really hurt and make her insecure but if you said things like, "honey you're even more gorgeous when you wear blah blah blah". Sometime diplomatic along those lines. Good luck and don't feel bad, I think everybody in a relationship feels like this sometimes.

Peewee_lane

Mountain out of a mowld op?

Sometimes when myself and my boyfriend are laughing our heads off at something, I find myself very attracted to him. That little urge creeps in.

Why not try re-kindle your romance, I think it will help you understand what you want.

And it sounds to me like you have a woman that loves you very much.

Love her back?