Just looking for advice!

LegacyUser

Hey
Not really sure what type of advice I’m looking for here, but sure thought I might give it a go. So anyway was with my ex for two years-ish, we got on great but it went really sour last summer, we were both to blame and I think we just didn’t appreciate each other. So we broke up, I suppose either of us could have saved it at the time but we were both so angry we didn’t. He was with someone shortly afterward and well I moved on in time, he was my first real love and am not ashamed to admit losing him was a big blow. So fast forward a few months, we’ve stayed in touch, sometimes its nice and friendly, other times we end up arguing about the past which is normal.
But the thing is I still care about him, I told him this as I said feck it no point living with regrets, he said he wanted me back…we met up and all was rosy for that hour we got together, I returned home and he changed his mind and said he didn’t love me anymore. It was like the break up all over again, I felt stupid but got over it. Like no point wasting time on him,
But whats annoying me now is that every weekend he rings me drunk, says nice things always and then never so much as a text when he’s sober. I asked him about it last week and he said he missed me so much and would try stop.

Ok fair enough, like neither of us are like going with new people, we still stay in touch and he calls drunk a lot. His life really unsettled, no job with recession,….he might want to go to oz or something, I don’t know. Anyway what do I do about this? Like does he miss me? I already made a fool of myself and don’t want to do it again?

I just want to have an end to this like drama?

Advice

mickyt

I believe he does have feelings for you. However, I don't believe they are strong enough for you guys to work.. These things happen, especially with first loves. If his life is soo unsettled at the moment and moving away for a year might be an option for him, then this can only be good.

If he gets away he may realise how much he misses you and vica versa.

more then likely though, you will move on as will he and you will meet the man that you deserve in your life.

a clean break is what is needed right now. only time will tell if it's the right move or not.

good luck with it

yermandan

Delete his number and get rid of any way he can contact you (change your phone number/email)

This may sound extreme but it is the only way to move on. If you truly want an end to the drama then this is the only way.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Don't answer the phone when he calls you,
If you see him out be polite but don't get dragged into it again.

Its v hard to get over your first love as you can see but you both need time to grow as people

LegacyUser

hey girl,
id say he still loves you quite a lot but the whole lack of a job and the possibility of going to oz is a bit of a barrier for him in terms of commitment. He admitted himself he misses you and the truth tends to come out when drunk. The drinking is not a good sign and probably clouds his mind, tell him to lay off it a bit and mabey dont answer when he rings up drunk. I think you need to make an appointment to see him when sober and start off by discussing where hes going in terms of a job and you might get a feel for where his loyalties lie.? hope this helps

jellie

he wants you when he thinks he cant have you, then when you start considering it, he backs off & changes his mind? sounds all too familiar

if you want him back, tell him that youre sick of his messing around & if he wants you back then to make an effort when SOBER or else to leave you alone.

if you dont want him back & want to move on, then tell him this & cut any other contact, & change your number if you need to (i considered getting my exs number blocked cause of drunken calls & "miss u want you back blah blah" texts but apparently you have to go to the gards to get a number blocked & that seemed a bit extreme!)

stop letting him mess with your head. he can only mess with your head if you let him.

oeb

A clean brake is the only thing you can do here. I had a similar problem with an ex recently, I was still mad about her, and every time she had a few drinks she would be sending me texts or ringing me telling me how much she missed me (Only to send a message in the morning "Sorry, was drunk, did not mean it").

It feels like crap, so I did the only thing I could do. I told her to delete my number and that we should have no contact what-so-ever, and only since then have I been able to begin properly moving on.

I suggest that you think strongly about doing the same.

LegacyUser

I know exactly how your feeling, i'm in quite a similar situation, it does sound like he cares about you, but obviously it's not enough and if after your time apart he still hasn't coppded on i'd advise you to let go.

Everyone advised me to make a clean break, it was so difficult i loved him a lot and his family too, i would've stayed with him forever......but now i realise that he was just a boy not "the one". I'm a lot more content now, and no longer doubt myself,

he's a loser