Possibility of abuse

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this, as I dont want any chance of the guys involved being identified. This is really awkward.

My two good friends live up the road from me in a rural area. We would have cycled to school, walked home from school, stayed in each other's houses etc etc since we were very young. I thought I would have known them better than anybody. The eldest brother, who was my age and would have been my best friend all through life, left to live in another country about 8 years ago and has pretty much been living abroad since.

Last year, his younger brother told me that they were both sexually abused by the their older brother when they were young. I was pretty much stunned as I've known them both all of their lives and never suspected. I was also a bit annoyed that the elder brother didnt tell me, cos I could have helped him. But I understand why he wouldnt want anybody knowing.

Fast forward a few more years, both brothers seem to be forgiving of him. They say that he was abused himself so that it's not his fault. I want to kill him. Anyway, this eldest brother has now become a father. And even though it is nothing to do with me, I have concerns. The brothers say that he is "over all that" and he "definitely wouldnt do it again". But the nature of these people is that they dont change. Do I keep my mouth shut or should I leave it to the brothers?

funk-you

Unregistered wrote: »

Going unreg for this, as I dont want any chance of the guys involved being identified. This is really awkward.

My two good friends live up the road from me in a rural area. We would have cycled to school, walked home from school, stayed in each other's houses etc etc since we were very young. I thought I would have known them better than anybody. The eldest brother, who was my age and would have been my best friend all through life, left to live in another country about 8 years ago and has pretty much been living abroad since.

Last year, his younger brother told me that they were both sexually abused by the their older brother when they were young. I was pretty much stunned as I've known them both all of their lives and never suspected. I was also a bit annoyed that the elder brother didnt tell me, cos I could have helped him. But I understand why he wouldnt want anybody knowing.

Fast forward a few more years, both brothers seem to be forgiving of him. They say that he was abused himself so that it's not his fault. I want to kill him. Anyway, this eldest brother has now become a father. And even though it is nothing to do with me, I have concerns. The brothers say that he is "over all that" and he "definitely wouldnt do it again". But the nature of these people is that they dont change. Do I keep my mouth shut or should I leave it to the brothers?

Unless you believe that abuse IS going on it's none of your business. Everything you know is based on hearsay.

-Funk

LegacyUser

My father is a pedo....

His brother knew before he got married and "minded his own business" -cue years of suffering for everyone concerned which could have all been avoided if only my fathers brother had of warned my mother.

People my father abused lives were ruined as well as people who he didn't abuse. The tentacles reach far into many, many lives, the evil he caused continues to this day.

Say something please, sing it from the rooftops if you have to.

LegacyUser

it's scary when you're talking about something which may currently be happening. i always think that abuse is a thing of the past because it's so highly publicised and you'd think anyone that way inclined would never for a minute think they'd get away with it.But of course it does still go on. i wonder what the percentage of people it is. one in 10, 20 ? i know hundreds of people and i can think of no one that would be a possible pedo, yet i know that the likely hood is i know quite a few child abusers. it's scary to think someone you work with or care about, goes home in the evening to abuse children.

LegacyUser

Ok, I'm going unreg for this also.

I was abused by my brother when I was younger, he went on to get married and now has 2 beautiful children.
Now whilst I understand that nobody is perfect and not all learn by their mistakes my brother did. He lost me as a sister for many years, now we get on again and if I am honest I missed him all those years having not spoken to him.
I have forgiven him, he was young, naieve and yes very stupid, looking at him today he is a great Dad and of no threat to his children or anyone elses, I would lay my life on that.
Do not speak out unless you have concrete evidence that there is something untoward going on, the amount of damage you could cause if you were wrong.

LegacyUser

Well this is a tough one. But there are a couple of things that you need to clarify first.

Was he himself a child when the abuse happened. ie was he a young teenager, exploring his sexuality? You would be surprised how common it actually is and a lot of kids end up in these situations. It happened to a friend of mine too. But there is no annimosity between them because they all recognise that it was actually not malicious in intent, but more a curiosity thing as opposed to abuse. and the sibling involved definitely isn't a paedo. They were just a stupid kid.

I'm guessing from your friends reaction to their brother that this was the case here also, and you have to believe them. There is a huge difference if he was continuing this type of behaviour into his late teens, then I would be worried. But if he was quite young, early teens, then I think you need to let it go.

I know of a girl in a similar situation with her brother, the same thing. Stupid hormones and lack of understanding of his actions made him do something really stupid. He did cop on and it stopped. He is married with kids and she has forgiven him and trusts him with his children.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong here. Maybe it did continue late into his teens and was very abusive. Perhaps you can shed some more light on it.

But I think you should trust your friends.

LegacyUser

well I only know that he said that they were "abused" by their brother. He did not go in to detail.

But I know that it had a profound affect on the older brother, crying for no reason and the like. So I do not think it is as inocuos as your own friends case.

I have the chance to stop this from happening again, but I dont know if it is just me trying to punish the older brother or an actual real fear that it could happen again.