No friends at school

In$omniac

I had my 7 year old's parent teacher meeting last night, all went well she is doing superbly in school.
But, her teacher told me she is not mixing with other children, she tends to stay on her own, asks the teacher to ask the other children to play with her on breaks etc. If not she just sits there on her own watching the others play.
When it comes to tasks in school she would rather do them on her own, or when telling a story about what she has done over the weekend she would rather tell her teacher than the other children.
A few things I know may have triggered this but unsure how to pinpoint exactly the right one....she only moved to this school this year so it could be a settling in problem, she is an only child so perhaps prefers to do things on her own. I know she is and always was shy, her last teacher in her previous school told me my daughter tends to stand back watch the other children before going to join them, in other words she assesses the situation to see if she is capable of doing what the other children are doing!

My main concern is that she is not making any friends and is left sitting there on her own in school feeling left out. She is a very humorous and an extremely clever child but in all honesty I would like her to make friends.
I became really upset after the meeting to think of her feeling alone at school.

So if anyone can advise me of anyway to help her to come out of her shell and approach and interact with other children I would be most grateful.
Apologies for the long thread!

kmick

Did you have a chat with her? You need to find out her perspective. Its a hard one because you cant force her to socialise she has to want to herself. Although kids initially meet in school their relationships can develop in the after school activities like play dates, sports, or Girl Guides. Could you ask her to invite a girl or two over after school?

In$omniac

kmick wrote: »

Did you have a chat with her? You need to find out her perspective. Its a hard one because you cant force her to socialise she has to want to herself. Although kids initially meet in school their relationships can develop in the after school activities like play dates, sports, or Girl Guides. Could you ask her to invite a girl or two over after school?

The fact she won't mix with others at school I can't see her mixing with them at after school activities sports etc
I suggested her bring friends home after school and she said she has no friends that no one will play with her.
I then asked her if there was anyone she liked she said yes,then named a little girl, said she was really nice, so I think I will work on getting her to ask this little girl home. Thanks for your help.

John Mason

you should try and get into a team building group like scouts, where she had to learn to work with other.

As she is an only child she might be unable to relate to children her own age. you said that she would prefer to deal with the teacher then then children, she can probably relate to adults better to children.

something like scouts, guides or even a sport will help her so much.

shaca

I feel your pain. My daughter went through the same thing when she started school first. She was an only child at the time and I dont think she knew how to approach kids to make friends with them because she was so used to being around adults. I did start asking her to invite friends home and made it my business to pick her up from school and make friends with the parents of her friends so that they would feel comfortable letting their kids come over. Since this she has come on great and has her friends over every second week end. (and would have them over every day if she was let) She loves going to their house aswell where as before she wouldn't leave my side, even when I tried her with Irish dancing and basketball.

Trinity

Awh poor little thing.

I went through the same thing with my boy. I used to cry thinking of him alone He too was an only child.

I know the teachers have a busy job as it is, but really as the child is in her care and you cant be there, the teacher should make sure no-one is left alone, should encourage the other children to invite your daughter.

Now i know people will say its not the teachers job but if i saw a child being left out i would certainly do something and it only takes one sentence and 2 seconds!

Your daughter will come around. Its only this year my son has started to feel like he has friends and hes 8, but he had changed schools.

Your daughter may just be shy some of us are and always will be followers rather than leaders but some children just need a little more encouragement than others. After school activities are great for learning how to mix too but baby steps.

Speaking to your daughter is essential too. Assure her. Tell her people wont always remember to invite her and she should try approach the children herself.

My sons excuse was they never played games he knew, which i got, cos of being the only child and having no friends after school.

Its heartbreaking but it will pass, i constantly had to ask the teachers to give him a psuh and make sure he wasnt alone.

justmum

Some children wouldn't interact with others because they are worried about doing something wrong and other children making fun of them. You could try and find out if there any other children in her school share the same interests as her. When children are doing things they enjoy they get lost in it and before you know it they are enteracting which usually leads to friendship. It is just a suggestion, but it might be worth a try.

Victor

I think getting her used to small groups of 1-2 others first might be a good idea.

In$omniac

Victor wrote: »

I think getting her used to small groups of 1-2 others first might be a good idea.

Thanks I have done just that and so far it's working

In$omniac

Trinity1 wrote: »

Awh poor little thing.

I went through the same thing with my boy. I used to cry thinking of him alone He too was an only child.

I know the teachers have a busy job as it is, but really as the child is in her care and you cant be there, the teacher should make sure no-one is left alone, should encourage the other children to invite your daughter.

Now i know people will say its not the teachers job but if i saw a child being left out i would certainly do something and it only takes one sentence and 2 seconds!

Your daughter will come around. Its only this year my son has started to feel like he has friends and hes 8, but he had changed schools.

Your daughter may just be shy some of us are and always will be followers rather than leaders but some children just need a little more encouragement than others. After school activities are great for learning how to mix too but baby steps.

Speaking to your daughter is essential too. Assure her. Tell her people wont always remember to invite her and she should try approach the children herself.

My sons excuse was they never played games he knew, which i got, cos of being the only child and having no friends after school.

Its heartbreaking but it will pass, i constantly had to ask the teachers to give him a psuh and make sure he wasnt alone.

Yeah it was the thought of her sitting there alone made me very upset, I have spoken more with the teacher and she said that my daughter is starting to come round thankfully and thanks.

In$omniac

shaca wrote: »

I feel your pain. My daughter went through the same thing when she started school first. She was an only child at the time and I dont think she knew how to approach kids to make friends with them because she was so used to being around adults. I did start asking her to invite friends home and made it my business to pick her up from school and make friends with the parents of her friends so that they would feel comfortable letting their kids come over. Since this she has come on great and has her friends over every second week end. (and would have them over every day if she was let) She loves going to their house aswell where as before she wouldn't leave my side, even when I tried her with Irish dancing and basketball.

Thanks for the advice, my daughter now has a friend over twice a week and she goes to their house also...maybe I panicked a little but it all worked out for the best.

Nevyn

Gald to hear it it's working for you both In$omniac

shaca

I'm delighted to hear it is all going well.

Victor

Good.

walshb

In$omniac wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, my daughter now has a friend over twice a week and she goes to their house also...maybe I panicked a little but it all worked out for the best.

I don't think you panicked at all. I think it was how any parent would have thought at that stage. She is just shy and it will take time for her to mingle; main thing is that she has now taken the first step, and really it can only continue on I would imagine!

SerialComplaint

In$omniac wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, my daughter now has a friend over twice a week and she goes to their house also...maybe I panicked a little but it all worked out for the best.

Sounds like great progress has been made. It might be worth broadening her circle over time, so that she is not totally dependent on any one friend. Maybe you could do the initial 'asking' to set up the first playdate?

byhookorbycrook

a v good idea to widen the circle, children fall out over small things and it's good not to be depending on one child!