I cant stop telling lies

LegacyUser

I never knew my da and my ma always had problems with drink so I never really got on with her. She died a few years ago i dont have any brothers or sisters- i do have few cousins tho and a couple of uncles. I had a few problems with drugs when I was a teenager but am clean for the last 4 years Im 21 now. Alot of my old friends are stiill on drugs or are locked up, I dont realy see them anymore. I moved into town and I got a job. Its ok its just me and this old fella called Pat. Its in the warehouse of a big office block. I spend most of the time cleaning the warehouse but sometimes I pack pallets for delivery, most of the time Im by myself. There is a canteen where the office people have there lunch and I sometimes go there for my tea break but when i walk in i always feel like everyones staring at me, my clothes are manky from the warehouse,if I sit down by myself for tea I feel really panicky and I finish quick to get out.Most of my money goes on rent so I bring lumch with me anyway so i just eat it in the warehouse, or if I have a late lunch i eat in the canteen when hardly no ones there. I dont know anyone in town, when its going home time I just walk around town, I have a bedsit its not a flat it doesnt have a sitting room, its just a room with a bed and a wardrobe. During the summer some college people my age were doing work expeerience in the office and i spoke to them a couple of times when they were out for smokes. Whenever they talked to me I got that panicky feeling in my stomach and my hands got real sweaty and I felt like my face was getting real hot and I kept staring at the ground and I just stayed quiet or said soemthing real stupid. one of the girls was telling me about her holiday and she asked me about mine but I just made up stuff, I told her I went to Spain, but ive never even been on 1 holiday, I think she knew I was lieing. Im always liening, if anyone aks me anything about me I always make stuff up like stuff i do at the weekend, or if they ask me about my family i just say they're grand and all. I made up a story about havin a 21st aswell but all I really do is go to work and then go for a walk and then go home, its real boring cos i have no tv yet. I hate lieng but I dont want to talk about the other stuff either and I wouldnt be good in a pub neither, Id be real panicky. I dont want anyone to know about the other stuff.I dont have a rep for being weird like but I do for being real quiet, even if I tell myself to talk I never do. I dont think im depressed or anything, like I dont feel like doing meself in or anything but I cant stop thinking about those college people and all the brilliant stuff they do and the gorgous places they go I keep imigaining it. Id love to hang around with them but I know i wont in anyway theyre gone back to college now but even if they werent Id just be still telling lies all the time or being real quiet.

Monkey61

Op I can understand where your self esteem issues are coming from, but you are young enough now, to make changes in your life and do anything that you want to do.

Did you finish school? If you didn't then you could be studying for your Leaving Cert in the evenings! Why don't you go to college? Is there any kind of course that you would be interested in?

There's no shame in having a full time job and not going to college at the moment. You have already achieved so much, in letting go of your friends and the drugs, which must have taken some amazing strength of character! If you can do that then you really can do anything.

You are nervous and telling lies because you don't feel as good as the people around you. If you pick some goals and work towards them, the sense of accomplishment in itself will do wonders to boost your confidence. Read some books, newspapers etc, get some hobbies - then you will have loads to talk about with anyone and will feel like more of a person without needing to lie. Join a sports team or do some charity work - anything has got to be better than spending your evenings alone.

Don't let money hold you back. Even earning minimum wage, as a single person it's possible to save loads of money - definitely enough to do a course in a years time if that's what you want. Perhaps consider renting a room in a shared house. Not only will you meet people your own age and automatically have a new social life, but it would possibly be cheaper than your bedsit.

6th

I dont think I can say anything to help you with your situation but I do want to comment. As Monkey61 said, fair play for all you have done to get out of the life you were in - not many manage it. Also you come across very well in your post, you seem like a decent bloke, coped on and you say what you want to say very well. Most of the people I know with college behind them cant express themselves as well as you have. You're clearly a hard worker and clever, people like you do well once they find what it is they want to do.

Best of luck and if you ever need a chat feel free to PM me.

In$omniac

I agree with the above 2 comments, you don't have to lie to make yourself a more interesting person.
From reading what you have written you remind me of myself in so many ways when I was younger. To this day I still have low self esteem, but I know I do not have to make myself sound interesting to hold anyone's attention.
Learn to be yourself and try mingle with others your age, if someone talks try not to just say 'yes' or 'no' or 'maybe' elaborate (do not lie) on your answers e.g. 'no I've not done that before but would like to, can you suggest anywhere'.

If you need to chat you can pm me also

kmick

Come out to the next boards drinks and have a few cokes and meet a few people. Maybe try and get out in the evenings and play 5 a side football or do a martial art like karate or tae kwon do. It will help you to get used to socialising. Apart from that you seem like a sound person so keep the chin up. Nothing to be ashamed about you or your job as far as I can see. However do make an attempt to stop lying - next time someone asks what you did for the weekend be truthful even if you think its boring. Most times when I get asked on Monday morning what i did I say 'ate and slept' - maybe its boring but I guess its what a lot of people do. Oh and dont imagine students live a wonderful existence either that is a myth - its mostly about boring lectures, unpaid/badly paid work and studying.