Lonley and Sick of it.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.
Ive been single for nearly 6 years have a son (6) im only 24 dont see a way out of this hole im in. Ive piled on the weight over the years and dont see any way to change it in the near future.

I get really down about this its stupid, my shower broke the other day and I had to fix it myself. I started bawling because I feel its something a bloke would do.

Ive never been in a long term relationship. The longest was 3 months when I was 17. I really dont feel attractive.I dont get guys looking at me anymore. I just find it so hard to talk to men in general. I think they think Im ugly and just think im repulsive. People tell me Im not that fat and that "my time will come" I dont see it coming at all.
Now I just feel Ive given up on love and ever finding anyone. My plan now is to raise my son and become a cat lady.

Every time I see couples out I feel a big lump stir in my throat and have to run the other way. On a couple of occassions Ive burst into tears in town. I felt like such a loser.

I dont want to be jealous of other peoples happiness I want my own. Is it a selfish attitude?

Whats wrong with me I think Im a nice person is it the weight that really disgusts people?

metaoblivia

OP, I think you mean very well, so I'm going to try to be as sensitive as possible.
The first thing I notice is that you seem to equate happiness and not being lonely with having a significant other. I don't believe that this attitude is healthy. Your time isn't somewhere down the road in the arms of a man. Your time is right now. You can be happy and have a fulfilled life without a relationship. In fact, I think it's necessary to find happiness as a single before you can truly find happiness in a relationship. Build your social circle, make friends, discover or rediscover something you're passionate about. Don't wallow in self pity and woe-is-me. Break that cycle and start doing things that you enjoy.
The second thing I notice is that you're unhappy with your weight and feel that it's holding you back. I'm going to be honest with you - given your age, it probably is. You say you don't see a way to change it in the near future. If by that you mean that the weight won't be lost in a few weeks, then you're right. But you can start to live a healthier lifestyle. You can buy and prepare healthy food for you and your son. You can get in some more exercise, even without going to the gym. Just take every opportunity to be active: take your son to the park and play with him, take the stairs instead of elevators, get out of the house and just walk, do something. It took a while to put the weight on and it's going to take a while to get it off. But you can't allow yourself to make excuses for it.
Generally speaking, OP, you sound like a very nice woman, but also a very insecure and unhappy woman. I would encourage you to work on being more secure and happy with who you are as a person before looking for a relationship.

boringteetotal

Hang in there girl. Try as best you can to pick out one thing you like about yourself, a hobby, a personlaity trait, maybe you have beautiful eyes or a smile, focus on the good. Focus on what you can give a partner instead of what a partner can give you. A different persepective maybe.

Good luck!

BenGunn

If you don't mind me asking, how overweight are you? Personally, I think you should try to lose weight, it's worth being hungry for a few months when it could affect the rest of your life. Also going to the gym could become a rewarding way to spend your time. You're still young, this should be your prime time to find someone. You might have a good personality but nobody is going to bother to find out if they're not physically attracted to you in the first place. The fact that you have a son may already make some guys a bit wary, but that's just part of who you are; your looks are something you can control.

I hope I'm not being mean, good look with everything.

Terodil

Metaoblivia has a point, and I agree to a certain degree -- you really need to make the best of your life now and try to *enjoy* life. Have you got hobbies that have long been dormant? Want to go wild and try something entirely new? There's so much to do out there that you'd be surprised, plus, if you really get into something you'll see that you have talents, you'll see that you can do things that only few other people can do.

That said, I know your situation very well. There's not that much that you can do if your concept of life revolves around partnership. Thing is, if you try to force it you'll make it only more difficult for yourself. Try and be natural about it; if it doesn't happen today it will happen the day after or maybe next month. You are only 24, you still have years upon years upon years in front of you! I see what your friends mean with 'your time will come' -- it's probably better phrased as 'your chance will come'. Call me hopelessly romantic but I believe that it takes a lot of chance to find the right one.