Relationships & The Emergency Services

angelfire9

This is not something i have ever really thought about personally, cos i grew up around AGS and being married to one the shift work and the dangers of work have never really bothered me i guess i hope himself has enough training and experience to deal with most things the job throws at him and if God Forbid he gets injured at work (as has happened before) i'll deal with it if and when it happens
However, a friend of mine was recently split from her long term B/F of 3 years because she couldn't cope with worrying about him any night he was called out (part time Fire Service) She'd stay awake waiting for him to get home and work herself into a tizzy if he was delayed or if it was a long call she'd assume the worst!
(Case in point the Garda & Fireman killed in RTA in Limerick (i think))

So.. the question is.. for those of you out there in the emergency services is this something you consider and talk about with your OH or do they just have to grin & bear it?

deadwood

Oh God.
Feelings and stuff?

Mrs Deadwood lives in blissful ignorance! She thinks i'm like that cop on Balamory!

Trojan911

deadwood wrote: »

Mrs Deadwood lives in blissful ignorance! She thinks i'm like that cop on Balamory!

Ah yes, the good ole PC Plum. (Met a few of those in London in my time)


Well,

Mrs Trojan911 & I discussed it a lot when I was a serving Met Officer (full time for those who may be confused) because the PIRA were still bombing London at the time. She was a nurse in Harley Street so I didn't have to worry about her encountering any riff raff in an A&E Dept, but she relayed many concerns to me about getting blown up, as I served most of my time in Central London.

Thankfully the closest I came to an IED was when it had detonated and on one occasion we were marking the areas where the bombers body was splattered on a bus and nearby walls (premature blast).

On another occasion I was sitting by the bed of one of the Soho bomb victims watching blood seep out his stump as fast as the transfusion was putting blood into his body. He lived.

We both knew the risks and I did my best not to take such risks when authenticated coded bomb alerts were confirmed by SO13 or through the TEWS alert bleeper.

Other than that we had the usual nightclub kickouts and kick offs, domestics, theft, vehicle pursuits & the likes. But with equipment like my PR24 baton, speed cuffs & spray there really wasn't an issue at the end of the day.

One of the things that intrigued me was, and maybe Metman can still confirm this, The Met had the highest divorce rate when I was in. I must admit, I saw a lot of infidelity by others and it was mostly cops & nurses normally after a 999 disco at Hammersmith.

Tango Alpha 51

We just don't talk about my job anymore. I get home when i get home. The only thing guaranteed about the job is the start time. She who can't be named does worry about me but not alot can be done about it.

Beano

having spent 10 years in a relationship with a member of the emergency services you just have to grin and bear it. they have enough to worry about when on duty without worrying about you and nothing they can say will make feel any better anyway.

brayblue24

deadwood wrote: »

Oh God.
Feelings and stuff?

Mrs Deadwood lives in blissful ignorance! She thinks i'm like that cop on Balamory!

My missus thinks I'm that gormless eejit on Killinaskully. Actually, now that I think of it....

(personally I prefer the Phil & Nige from "Early Doors" comparison)

yayamark

brayblue24 wrote: »

My missus thinks I'm that gormless eejit on Killinaskully. Actually, now that I think of it....

(personally I prefer the Phil & Nige from "Early Doors" comparison)

Who? timmy ? ya looder!

My wan:) doesnt worry. ive come home a bit battered a few times but have recovered. Been well over six foot she worries about who crosses me.

The only time she wories about me is when i dont come home after been ona session.:eek:

Eru

My partner worries a little but in general I think shes confident enough that I will be coming home. The only rule is she doesnt want to hear about anything exciting or interesting that happened if it was in any way dangerous.

Of course, she also grew up in a country where police = armed and violent so compared to that, were like the Sergeant in Killinascully.

deadwood

Mrs Deadwood is more worried about the time I spend on Boards.ie!

Satan Polaroid

I find the shift work, court dates and the unexpected call you get for a 'job' play havoc with my personal life.

yayamark

metman wrote: »

II do however, tend to get poked or kicked when I'm discussing a gory fatal or violent job with a mate on the phone, having forgotten that my mrs is present.

Thats the best way to get over something gory.

People dont realise that one of the reason men suffer from stress and women dont is that women talk about their problems and men dont.

Women talk about a problem and forget about it, men dont talk and just bottle it up.

God that sounds awful gay.:p

metman

I was on duty and on scene of one of the tube bombings on the 7th July 2005, and dealt with the fallout of that and the 21st, and the 'Tiger Tiger' nightclub car-bombs that failed to detonate. My missus has grown accustomed to stuff like this, but she worries and tells me so from time to time. She has grown used to the reality of my job and I don't discuss my work so as to alarm her anymore than is necessary....I do however, tend to get poked or kicked when I'm discussing a gory fatal or violent job with a mate on the phone, having forgotten that my mrs is present.

As an aside, the stresses and horrors that officers encounter on a daily basis, in my experience, tends to make for strange bedfellows. Close bonds are formed in the job and more often than not partners of officers, that are not in the job, come of second best to colleagues....who share the same experiences, work the same shifts and have the same outlook on life.

This is the reality, in my experience, and many marriages fail on account of blokes and gals going ots (over the side). All too common in the job.

metman

yayamark wrote: »

Thats the best way to get over something gory

Spot on mate. My old man, ex-DFB trumpton type is a big advocate of this too. He always said his crew used to talk out the sh*ttier jobs over a few beers and that there was no such thing as PTSD in his day (his generation were oldskool) as they looked after each other and talked about the crappier jobs.

We do the same over a few beers!

deadwood

I remember reading an article years ago (sorry, no source) about PTSD. The author found that the "man on the ground" (guard, ambo, firefighter etc.) who was hands-on and involved in, say, a serious traffic collision dealt with PTSD more easily than a supervisor.

These lads chatted about the immediate scene and related these stories to each other afterwards, including a bit of slagging about some of the very strange things that happen at a scene like this. This was theraputic and acted as a release. I am sure "citizens" would be horrified at some of the banter you get at the most morbid scene. This is not disrespectful to victims, it's a bunch of professionals getting on with their work.

The report found that supervisors (e.g. in DFB) who were at scene, or in the control room, often felt they had their hands tied and were unable to take an active part in the operation, although they bear huge responsibility in ensuring everything is done properly to ensure the wellbeing of victims. The supervisors were not party to the banter which followed an incident and mulled things over in their own minds because they were often travelling in seperate vehicles and working in separate offices.

Being part of a team in these instances is a great release. We'll chat about what went on at scene to each other and get issues off our manly chests in a way which allows our rugged exteriors to remain intact.

We get to do the touchy feely stuff at home after getting this stuff off our chest in the pub!

eroo

Thanks for the replies lads, a side of the 'job' I'd thought of before but didn't know much about! Another insight!

angelfire9

metman wrote: »

in my experience, and many marriages fail on account of blokes and gals going ots (over the side). All too common in the job.

Unfortunately this is very true, i was told lately the best doctors wives are doctor's daughters, same is true of alot of professions if you grow up around the job you can handle better as an adult.

metman wrote: »

I
As an aside, the stresses and horrors that officers encounter on a daily basis, in my experience, tends to make for strange bedfellows. Close bonds are formed in the job and more often than not partners of officers, that are not in the job, come of second best to colleagues....who share the same experiences, work the same shifts and have the same outlook on life.

I know my OH has a best friend on the job that he'd discuss problems with alot faster than with me sometimes but it doesn't bother me cos when he has it worked out in his head he'll come talk to me then and i'm glad of it really cos i don't have to hear the gory stuff!
But also because he's not as stressed coming home after a bad day if he's had a chance to talk to someone else about it before heading home, and that means there's less chance of the bit OTS (I hope )

deadwood wrote: »

These lads chatted about the immediate scene and related these stories to each other afterwards, including a bit of slagging about some of the very strange things that happen at a scene like this. This was theraputic and acted as a release. I am sure "citizens" would be horrified at some of the banter you get at the most morbid scene. This is not disrespectful to victims, it's a bunch of professionals getting on with their work.


We get to do the touchy feely stuff at home after getting this stuff off our chest in the pub!

The Graveyard humour is very common alright i've heard a few stories in my time from himself that would probably horrify others but i'm so used to it i don't even blink anymore!

Tango Alpha 51

deadwood wrote: »

I remember reading an article years ago (sorry, no source) about PTSD. The author found that the "man on the ground" (guard, ambo, firefighter etc.) who was hands-on and involved in, say, a serious traffic collision dealt with PTSD more easily than a supervisor.

These lads chatted about the immediate scene and related these stories to each other afterwards, including a bit of slagging about some of the very strange things that happen at a scene like this. This was theraputic and acted as a release. I am sure "citizens" would be horrified at some of the banter you get at the most morbid scene. This is not disrespectful to victims, it's a bunch of professionals getting on with their work.

The report found that supervisors (e.g. in DFB) who were at scene, or in the control room, often felt they had their hands tied and were unable to take an active part in the operation, although they bear huge responsibility in ensuring everything is done properly to ensure the wellbeing of victims. The supervisors were not party to the banter which followed an incident and mulled things over in their own minds because they were often travelling in seperate vehicles and working in separate offices.

Being part of a team in these instances is a great release. We'll chat about what went on at scene to each other and get issues off our manly chests in a way which allows our rugged exteriors to remain intact.

We get to do the touchy feely stuff at home after getting this stuff off our chest in the pub!

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