Do I have some type of body dysmorphia?

LegacyUser

Sorry for going unreg’d for this long post but I have a few friends who log on here and I don’t want them to know its me writing this.

Anyway im a male in my mid 30’s. Have a good job, good standard of living but one thing that routinely affects me is how I look. I don’t think I am a attractive person at all. I have some acne scars on my face, one of which imo makes it look like I was glassed or had a knife cut into my face. I also have a big nose and a biggish chin

Growing up as kids do when slagging I would get called big nose, chinny etc the usual. It didn’t bother me at the time but when I got to my teenage years it really affected me. Then I got acne really badly (with the resultant acne scars in later life).

The thing is I always had girlfriends growing up. I wasn’t looked away in my room thinking that I was too ugly to live or anything like that. I was very very shy but a ‘nice’ person and even though I had girlfriends I would always wonder why the hell they were with me when I looked the way I did. I was very very skinny at this stage in my life also which didn’t help my confidence at all.

This went on for a few years and then it came to college and then work. I grew with confidence as the years went on and made tons of friends. Was always going out socialising and as time went on I never bothered worrying about what I looked like apart from the usual making an effort with clothes etc when going out.

In my early 20’s I came to realise I was gay. I honestly cant remember thinking I was when I was a teenager. Maybe the fact I was so obsessed with my looks meant that my brain had’nt got time to deal with any other issues. I came to terms with being gay and my friends were great about it and after a couple of years I met a fantastic guy who I am still with today.

Over the last 10 years I have continued to socialise, travel, progress in my job, bought a house and also joined a gym where I put on weight/muscle and got very fit. However every so often (probably every 2 months or so) I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I just look so ugly. I hate looking at photos of holidays as I look at the beautiful scenery and then there is my ugly face ruining it.

I have never told anybody how I feel. The funny thing is though (and I swear I am not boasting or blowing my own trumpet) I have often been told by certain friends and complete strangers that I am very good looking. Earlier in the year I was on a train and this guy (who was drunk so that might have something to do with it) sat beside me and out of the blue said I was one of the best looking guys on the train. A few weeks later I was in a club and was told by a complete stranger that I had a lovely smile and was very handsome. I was on holiday earlier in the year and was in a club where a girl and a man said I was very good looking and that I would ‘surely break someones heart tonight’ These types of comments have been said to me on numerous occasions over the years but the thing is I just don’t believe it.

I know looks are relative and all that and also Im in my mid 30’s so surely I should be well past the whole ‘vanity’ thing but its at the stage now that I am thinking I am always going to be like this and I really don’t want to be. I just want to be happy with who I am. I think what spured me to write this was that I was in a club on Friday night and there was a guy there whose left side of his face was completely caved in but yet there he was having a great time and enjoying himself dancing with his mates. Who the hell am I to be so self aborbed when that poor guy looks the way he does?

Could it be possible that I have some type of dysmorphia syndrome. I mean if I think that sometimes I am extremely ugly and other people are saying I am good looking somebody has to be lying. If my friends knew I felt like this they would genuinely be shocked as they see me as the strong confident one who is always there for people.

Thanks for reading this post and I would really appreciate any comments you might have (good or bad).

Oryx

Maybe you have a dysmorphia. Im not a doctor or psychologist. I dont know. But would it help you if you could give yourself that title, or do you think it would be a hindrance to feel you have a 'condition'?

Either way I think the label itself is irrelevant. Youve done a really good job of describing how you feel there ^. You seem to understand your mind and how you feel pretty well. And the way I read it, it boils down to self belief and confidence. In spite of all evidence to the contrary, and in spite of having a successful and healthy life, inside your head you have some kind of imaginary set of standards you compare yourself to. And you see yourself as inferior. Even as you say it, you note that it is skewed and wrong thinking. So what is it that makes you do it? Why do you feel the need to make yourself feel ugly? Why do you not accept that it could be true? Do you think you dont deserve it? Are you on some level afraid of your ego, of becoming arrogant? Or do you look at others as superior and think you could never be as good? Im just throwing out questions here that might be worthing thinking on. (You probably have already:))

I could tell you all the usual about you are worth it, you must be goodlooking etc. But if you dont believe them that have told you already, youre not going to believe a stranger on the internet. And thats not how you beat this anyway. Looks are transitory. You could accept your handsome self, bravo if you did, but you will change too, and old worries may resurface over time. The problem is not actually how you look at all, but how you think. You need a big dose of belief in yourself not based on looks but just on the feeling that 'you are ok'. Regardless of what your packaged as. It takes work and self analysis to get there. Im afraid that as above, Im not qualified to tell you how to do it, but avoid the labels, you dont need a name for whats bugging you, you already understand it. You just need to shake it off.

mickyt

I think Oryx's post explains it all..

especially the last part.. you seem to realise what it is thats bugging you.

You just need to get past it and truly accept your self for who you are.

good look with it.