Marrying in Asia & serious problems

monosharp

Hey all.

Engaged to an Asian girl and presently living and working in her country. I have a few problems and I'd appreciate some advice.

1. Where ? In Asia or Ireland ? Have 1 big wedding in Ireland or her country or two small ones in each ? Personally I'm not bothered myself so probably her country but open to suggestions.

2. Venue + music. Weddings here basically occur like so;

Weddings are usually held on a Saturday afternoon and only last 2 hours maximum. I mean everything, ceremony, dinner + drink. Everything only lasts 2 hours maximum.

There are special 'wedding halls' where they occur (Not hotels). Basically you go to a very short ceremony in one room then proceed to a dining area where you take a seat and eat & drink. Usually its a buffet where you go get what you want but you can get western style 'service' (more expensive) where the foods brought to you. Then its finished and you go home. (Total time 2 hours).

Now, I can't imagine that going down too well with a) the Irish appetite for drinking and b) bringing family and friends half way round the world for 2 hours.

So what I was thinking is to rent a restaurant or a (western) bar for the night. People here NEVER drink without eating (honestly, never) so local bars are actually what we'd consider restaurants so for anywhere for just drinking with a dance floor etc a western bar is one of very few options.

This is probably the biggest problem. I can't drag friends and family across the world and not have some kind of long time reception but similarly her family and friends won't drink without eating (constantly) and probably won't understand the long period of drinking piss.

She suggested the following. Renting a restaurant for the dinner and short drinking and then just basically going to a 'niteclub'. Again, niteclubs here are completely different to home. You always eat when you drink so niteclubs have all seats, a small dance floor and no bar. A waiter brings you everything.

So I really don't know what to do .....

Music is another huge problem. There are bands for rent sure but as I said, they don't do 'wedding music' here so fairly screwed in that regard.

Suggestions please ?

Please note, weddings here, even Christian ones never occur in a church.

3. Accommodation. Here hotels are very expensive (relatively speaking) but there are places called motels which would honestly put shame to almost any hotel in Ireland apart from the size of the room. I stayed in one last week for 20 yoyos and I didn't want to leave because the TV was as big as the wall of a small bungalow at home.

The problem with the motels is they probably won't accomodate everyone in the one motel and feck all people speak English so I'll need to babysit the Irish people here for everything.

Maybe not a huge issue but again, suggestions welcome.

4. Local culture. Unless your part of the brainwashed fundamentalist Christian church here you don't generally have a Christian wedding (even normal Christians don't).. Probably won't go down well with me ma and granny. I've no desire or intention of having a Christian wedding but any idea how I'd soften the blow regarding ma and gran ?

As well as that, They usually put on traditional local clothes and get all traditional. I can't see that going down well with mum either especially when I have to bow (hit the floor bow) to mom in law.

Any and all suggestions most welcome. Thanks a lot.

monosharp

Nebody ?

hunnymonster

It sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of an asian wedding. Personally I would fly half way around the world for 2 hours to experience a different culture.

monosharp

hunnymonster wrote: »

It sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of an asian wedding.

No I am not.

Personally I would fly half way around the world for 2 hours to experience a different culture.

Ok.

what2do

Within reason I'd fly for a 2 hr ceremoney but I'd prob expect some extra day also - I've been to a few weddings abroad and it has never been just the "day" ... other activities have been organised, drinks the night before or some local experience .. something along those lines because if people have travelled a distance its a memorable holiday thats been built around your wedding day and you need to plan accordingly.

If you are in Asia thats @12 hrs travel so one 2 hrs ceremony etc would not entice me there..... however a wedding "weekend" and I'd be there!!!

monosharp

what2do wrote: »

Within reason I'd fly for a 2 hr ceremoney but I'd prob expect some extra day also - I've been to a few weddings abroad and it has never been just the "day" ... other activities have been organised, drinks the night before or some local experience .. something along those lines because if people have travelled a distance its a memorable holiday thats been built around your wedding day and you need to plan accordingly.

Oh most definitely, but the problem is organizing it.

I do want to have some sort of reception after the wedding like we'd have in Ireland but there are so many problems with that.

Venue -> I'd have to try and rent a bar/restaurant for the night. Forget anything similar to a special room in a hotel/other for the standard Irish/British wedding afters.
Music -> 'Wedding' music is going to be impossible unless I fly a band out here from Ireland or the UK.

So I was thinking of having a traditional ceremony (her culture) then a semi-western style ceremony in a bar/restaurant where we will also have a 3 hour meal/drink session and then bring a small crowd to a public bar/nightclub/other. But Its almost guaranteed to be only the Irish guests that will come to this because the locals here wouldn't understand it. Its a completely foreign concept to them to A) go to a wedding that lasts more then 2 hours and go somewhere just for drinking.

If you are in Asia thats @12 hrs travel so one 2 hrs ceremony etc would not entice me there..... however a wedding "weekend" and I'd be there!!!

But can you suggest anything after reading the problems I have with doing that here ?

Wedding Music = No chance in hell.
Wedding reception hall with bar for night = No chance in hell.

Would it be acceptable to bring wedding guests to a public bar/nightclub ? Or would the idea of renting a bar/restaurant for the night be better ? Considering that her relations will most definitely NOT stay long.

Toots

I think in this situation, you may be better off having one do in her country and another one over here. Nothing huge, just rent a function room for the night, have a buffet and everyone can drink and dance to their hearts content!

monosharp

Toots85 wrote: »

I think in this situation, you may be better off having one do in her country and another one over here. Nothing huge, just rent a function room for the night, have a buffet and everyone can drink and dance to their hearts content!

See I should have mentioned before but here getting time off from Work is akin to getting blood from a stone.

She can take off 12 days in a row (counting weekends) at very most from work a year and even that is very hard to get.

Its not a problem for me because I'm a foreigner and we get longer holidays because they know its what we're used to at home but the locals, not a chance.

So paying for a wedding here, flying back to Ireland and paying for a reception there and then trying to squeeze a honey-moon in. Not possible because of time and not possible because of my wallet.

I can't afford it mate even if we had the time.

No, I'm putting all my eggs in the basket over here.

bringitdown

Similar situationish, have not popped the question but this kind of thing has crossed my mind. One big advantage for us is neither of us are relgious so we can 'skip' that aspect.

I always figured on a smallish reception both here and at home with the official ceremony taking place here. i.e. we could choose a suitable and cost sensible time to do the reception at home it need not be immediately afterward.. We'd show videos / photos of the ceremony and surrounding traditions at home to all who missed out.

Anyone who did manage to come over for the ceremony will get a new experience and no we would not call it a day after the 2/3 hour meal that forms the core of normal wedding here. i.e. we'd go on a drink the bejaysus out of ourselves somewhere.

Depending on her ethnic background there are all sorts of other traditions that can take place so it may not be 'just' the 2/3 hour 'dinner'. People from Ireland may not have seen these before.

Just use the imagination and make sure you try to please everyone - its what weddings are all about :rolleyes: