The Day-Time Approach

LegacyUser

I decided recently that I wanted to start dating women properly (I'm 24, always had a fairly quiet social life). Not being much of a drinker or nightclub goer, and unwilling to settle for the friends of friends, it seemed that my best strategy would be to start talking to women during the day-time: on the street, in shops and supermarkets, waiting for buses, etc.

From the six approaches I've made so far only one of them has been rude to me, three of them gave me their number, and two of them went on dates with me (unfortunately not second dates).

It's been so liberating to realise that I can now approach a woman anywhere and at any time. Before this I felt like a slave to fortune, I can now go out and make things happen whenever I want. It's been a really exciting discovery.

I obviously haven't managed to secure a girlfriend yet, though, and I still have a few concerns, which I was hoping that you guys could help me with. I can deal with the stress of facing rejection and rudeness, and even with the possibility of awkwardness if I accidentally hit on somebody who I end up being forced to see again, who is related to somebody I know, or who has a boyfriend nearby when I try to chat her up. It's tough but I can get over all of that, it's part of the price of putting myself out there.

What I'm really concerned about is how the women who I approach in this way think about me. My approach skills need a lot of work but they've definitely improved since I started. On the other hand, my understanding is that very few men in Ireland actually do what I am doing. One of the girls who I went on a date with informed me that nobody had ever approached her like I had (yes, it was a compliment!). As far as I can tell, most guys either get some beer goggles in a pub/club before they approach a stranger, or else they choose somebody already close to their social circle, who they are already friends with or are introduced to through friends.

Am I wrong? If I'm right, I'm concerned about how women perceive guys who just walk over to them and ask them out. I'm not hugely experienced with women but I suspect the girls I've asked out-most of whom have been very attractive- probably think I am some kind of player if I have the balls to just go over and start talking. They have the wrong impression! My questions:

1. Girls, what do you think when a guy you've never met before starts talking to you in a public place? What are the reasons you won't hand out your number? How often does this happen to you? Would you have a long-term relationship with someone who introduced himself at an ATM?

2. Guys, do any of you do this, do you recommend it, and what tips do you have for me?

I'm not averse to meeting girls in an old-fashioned way (join a gym!) and I know that expanding my social circle is always a healthy option, but the cold day-time approach is very cheap and very fast and I get to have a 3-10 minute speed date with girls I formerly would have just been frustrated about never getting to know them.

Monkey61

Op I think it's great that you have the confidence to do this! Well done - it's so not the Irish way. I'd say a lot of girls would be totally flattered though. I would be.

I do know a lot of girls though that would never hand out their phone number to a stranger, for all the obvious safety reasons - so it might be just as well to offer them your number instead cos if they are in any way interested, they will text you instead!

LegacyUser

Woah boy...

Okay fair play to you for having the balls to get out there and approach girls you fancy. I think your experiences thus far will really stand to you but some thoughts struck me as I read your post.

- "settle for friends of friends"? why is it settling? you said yourself the girls you approach are usually very attractive. Is this because you want a really attractive girl on your arm and the available girls in your circle aren't stunners? No one can blame you for wanting someone really attractive. I mean who wouldn't!? But limiting yourself to only approaching and chatting to the absolute stunners isn't a great way to nab yourself a great girlfriend. Obviously you know this but I'm just pointing it out pet.

- which brings me onto this... don't just approach the stunners. You're obviously quite confident so you should feel free to chat to any girl. Not necessarily to get a date with them but for fun. Make small talk with girls even if you're not instantly really attracted to them. It'll be good for you and it's fun. Chances are you'll get chatting to someone who you click with. Even if it's just a shared joke at first. You'd be surprised. It'll also mean you'll become more natural at the small chat biz and you'll come across as more genuine and less of a player when you approach girls who might be wary. Approach those who seem open and friendly.

- DON'T APPROACH GIRLS AT ATMs! I get this alot and I'm at my most wary in these situations. Example: The last week I was in the queue and this guy started chatting to me about how long the queue was and he was tbh quite nice. But I was instantly on my guard - at an atm I'm usually quite cautious. Money grabbers etc. If I was in the queue for the bus or at a cafe I'd be in the mood for chitchat but not when I'm queuing for the atm.

"what do you think when a guy you've never met before starts talking to you in a public place?" Can just speak for myself...I do tend to be a bit wary but I'm probably wise to be. Of the times I've been approached some of them have been a lil over zealous. I don't like being asked a dozen questions. Nor do I like being eyeballed to death. Or even worse given supposedly "appreciative glances". *shudder*

"What are the reasons you won't hand out your number?" The above... If I get a weird vibe basically. Or if I don't find them at all attractive. If their personality is attractive ie. if I get a friendly vibe and they make me smile I will.

"How often does this happen to you" It varies. Happens most when I'm not stressed, im in a good mood and have made an effort that morning with my clothes and stuff!

"Would you have a long-term relationship with someone who introduced himself at an ATM?" See no reason why not. It doesn't matter how you're introduced! Saying that I've dated guys I've met randomly and online as well as through friends. I know lots of girls who wouldn't dream of giving a random guy on the street a chance unless he was a stunner himself!

Basically put yourself in the girl's shoes. Don't come on too strong. Smile and be sincere. You can't go wrong. If a girl is rude to you don't DON'T say something smart arse back. I've been approached before when I've been having a dreadful day and I'd respond but be a lil cold. Then WHAM! I get muttered and glared at. Or as happened once "I was only trying to be friendly for ****'s sake. Think you're God's gift don't ya!?" I wouldn't mind but that time I had just been broken up with and I felt like anything but...

I'm sure you wouldn't act like that. My view is if you're willing to chatup a random girl on the street, you understand you're taking a risk that she might be rude in response because
you've taken her by surprise and she might not be in a social mood. Girls who might be responsive in a pub might be more wary on the street!

AnonoBoy

notaplayer wrote: »

Would you have a long-term relationship with someone who introduced himself at an ATM?

I'm not a woman but I think most of my female friends would think it was some sort of scam if a stranger started talking to them at an ATM.

AngryBadger

OP I wouldn't worry about how you come across to women, 9 out of 10 times an irish guy will expect to be dissed regardless of whether he approaches an irish girl in a club or on the street.

best of luck i say, although maybe at an ATM isn't the best location

abi2007

its unexpected and kind of romantic

i'd never even think of doing it until i read your post and a big part of me wishes i could do it.. well done. not many people could in ireland where girls are so unapproachable compared to europeans and americans.


do you kinda hang around an area or do you just go about your business and should the situation to chat arise, go for it? i'd say girls could think it weird if you just hung about one area of say a shopping centre..

davyjose

notaplayer wrote: »

I 1. Girls, what do you think when a guy you've never met before starts talking to you in a public place? What are the reasons you won't hand out your number? How often does this happen to you? Would you have a long-term relationship with someone who introduced himself at an ATM?

First off, fair play OP for doing this. It annoys me that in order to meet people here, you basically have to be drunk.

TBH, it's not about whether they'd have a long term relationship with a guy they met at an ATM. If they liked you of course they would. You have to just keep persevering.
Can I say though, drink oils the social wheels awfully well. If you're at a date, stone-cold sober, and you're telling them how you hate night-clubs etc., that could be what's turning them off.

Overheal

http://www.theattractionforums.com/forum/day-game/

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone. I haven't actually made any ATM approaches, I just thought it was a really mundane place to give an example of!

Ads by Google: I go about each day much as I did before, although I deliberately spend some more time in environments where the opportunities are most likely to present themselves. For example, I might take an extra trip to the supermarket than absolutely necessary, go shopping in stores that wouldn't usually interest me much, or travel through popular common areas when I need to make a walk.

honestgirl: great reply! - I appreciate it. I love your first two points. In fact, part of my preparation for this has been striking up conversations with guys, old people and women I wasn't attracted to. I wasn't confident enough to just go for the stunners at the start. And of course the people I'm not interested in romantically are frequently great fun to talk to.

Also, when I said "settling for friends of friends", I didn't really mean that they weren't physically beautiful enough (I'm not exactly God's gift to women myself). It's just that if I make moves on girls I know already, then I think there is a good chance that I'm doing it mostly for the sake of convenience instead of compatibility. It is a huge task, but if I were somehow able to keep the pace up of one approach per day, I could conceivably approach 30 girls a month, indefinitely, and I guess up to half of them -if I do it right then nearly all of the single ones- will give me their numbers, and many of those will then go on a date with me. The percentages for finding my soulmate are looking very strong at that rate! (apologies to everyone living in small towns where this behaviour would not work out so well LOL)

But I think you're completely right to be wary. My philosophy has been to try to clearly demonstrate my interest but also that I am a gentleman. It's a difficult balance to strike but clearly she needs to understand both that I am checking her for relationship potential and also that I am in no way a threat.

I really value your advice, honestgirl. Do you give one on one lessons?