Lost love

mickoc

I was in a relationship for 4 and a half years, myself and my girlfriend were in australia travelling and working when her father passed away.We had some problems while away but i felt it was nothing that could not be fixed. I returned home with her for 6 weeks,during the time she told me i should go back to australia and finish of my travels. I was naive and felt she was pushing me back so i returned for 3 months.

I missed her so much while i was away, it gave me the time to contemplate the relationship and realise that i took her for granted sometimes. I found in myself that i loved her very deeply and she was the girl i could spend the rest of my life with. I stayed in contact with her while away in the hope when i returned home i could fix the mistakes i had created. I had a pretty bad time while away because i missed her so much.

On returing home i found out she had been meeting somebody else, she went on a blind date a month or so after i was away and had been meeting this guy nearly every week since from what i could understand.

She told me they were not in a relationship, but its seems to me they are from what i can gather. I told her how i felt and what i have learned about my feelings for her.Except that i could spend my life with her,in fear of pushing to much. she said things have changed and she did not mean for it to be like this.

I now have alot of problems sleeping, eating and working. I cant stop thinking of her and this other guy and how selfish i was to leave her at such a bad time in her life. I know it was very selfish of me, I would love her back but each passing day my dream drifts away, what can i do? Im lost now.

generic1

Move on, it over.

Carturo

generic1 wrote: »

Move on, it over.

What a useless f**king post.

OP if you're serious about her, and it's obvious you are, then I think what you have to do for the interim anyway, is not to contact her for a month or two and go out with your friends and meet new people. It's here when you really find out how you feel - I mean it's easier to pine when you've nothing else going on. Perhaps if you do meet someone then you might feel a bit more comfortable in contacting her. I doubt she'll want to keep hearing how miserable you are otherwise. I don't mean this to sound harsh but that can be a turn off. Let her know she's not the only thing in your life and start doing things for yourself, anything. Use your spare time constructively, build your confidence up again and I'm sure you'll start to see a brighter outlook.

LegacyUser

Don't worry mate. I was in a very similar situation when I was younger. I thought it was the end the world and I couldn't live without her. This will pass and you will meet someone else. It will take time but you will find yourself getting stronger and happier and then you will meet someone else new and exciting.

From experience the worse thing you can do is hound her and ask her why? Try and move on and if she wants you she will come back. If not, move on with your life. It will get easier with time.

Hope this helps

mickoc

cheers carturo but it was not that useless for me, Ill take what you say on board thanks

Monkey61

Hi OP,

The first thing you have to do is stop blaming yourself for returning to Australia. She told you to go back. It wasn't selfish of you. After that long together, she should be comfortable enough with you to say what she means.

If she went out on a blind date only one month after you had returned to Australia, she had obviously already decided that she did not want to be with you. It must have been building for quite some time. She essentially cheated on you, while you were miles away and it wasn't your fault.

You have told her how you feel and now you have to give her some space and time. Give it at least a couple of months before you contact her again and use that time to get your life back together as much as possible. Pick up new interests, spend loads of time with friends and generally improve yourself and your quality of life as much as possible. Get to the gym, play some sports, learn some new things.

She is much more likely to want you back if you are confident, happy and fun to be around. This is much more attractive than being the miserable guy who runs after her.

I know it's hard, but don't beat yourself up over it. If she had already made up her mind there is nothing you could have done. There are no magic words that you can say now that will make her come running back. If you do get back together, this break could turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened to your relationship. If you don't, you will at least be in the best possible state of mind to move forward.

LegacyUser

i hear you man, im in very similiar situation, came back from oz 3wks after she left because i missed her. We had our problems out there too.

I got back and emailed her a long letter telling her how i felt but she polietly declined. We didnt talk for a while then i was passing near where she lived in the uk and i said id call in. She was delighted at the prospect of seeing me but Only then did she say she was ''kind'uv seeing someone'', i was devastated but i called to see her any way, but not for long as that ''someone'' was due to arrive, didn' really say goodbye properly, it was a long drive back to holyhead that night i can tell you.

Anyway, that was six weeks ago, there isnt much correspondence now, but i feel iv done my bit and let her know how i feel. I think about her all the time but its not getting me down so much, i think she'd really like to stay friends but that doesn't work for me. i kinduv take the view that if she does contact me my attitude is to subtly distance myself from her because shes with someone else : as in ''what are you talkin to me for, your with someone?'' type of thing. I think the only advice i can offer is to keep your distance and not obsess over her, dont initiate any textn and mabey see how long she can go without making contact. if its meant to be its meant to be but don't come across as desperate, and chin up mate your not alone

mickoc

Thanks for this lads. I realise now that i need to lay off and just get on with my life. I know its going to be a long road and i am not the only person in this situation. It's a ****ty feeling to have but i am starting to slowly come around and realise that it just was not ment to be. The only thing to do is keep my chin up and stay positive, Just like all the other people in the same place as me.