Adopted

LegacyUser

Firstly, I know there is an adoption forum but it doesn't allow you to post anon.

I am adopeted, have known from birth pretty much. No harm, no foul.
I've never had an eagerness to know where I came from etc. I'm happy to be part of a family whereby I'm taken care of/loved.

I'm in college now, early twenties, steady life, happy as larry. A few weeks ago my parents sat me down and said they wanted to talk, they gave me a letter and a small paper bag, explained it was from my birth mother etc. I didn't look at it instantly, stuffed them both in my drawer cause I didn't wamt to read the letter.
Simple as that, i'm not the type that something like that would upset me, having read it i'm npt upset, merely feel a need to talk about it.

So what did the letter contain? Dear Philip (one of my middle names, was told firm birth my middle name was because it was my original birth name) I wll always love you etc. Found out my paternal father was studying law in queens and my birth mother was studyng some dodgy arts natural science degree in trinity. They had a long term relationship were in love etc, broke up due to the distance with the idea that they would get back together eventually, I came along, scared him off and she felt that living 7miles away from school wouldnt be a good idea for me so gave me up for adoption.

I want to state that I feel no resentment towards her, I have a great life, with everything I have ever wanted being provided for me, I merely felt a need to write about it, no replies is all good.

And I don't even know why I went anon for this....

thanks

Agonist

Although it sounds like your biological mum gave you up for quite minor reasons I think you are lucky that you got to hear the background. You were the result of a loving relationship - that would give me a good feeling.
Since she was a college student it's amazing that she went through the pregnancy, especially as it's so recent (if you are early 20s). You can be very grateful for that.
It must be strange for you, I can't imagine how that would feel. I'm sure your bio mum still thinks of you every day.

trixy

Hi unregistered

Firstly I think you are extremely lucky to have this info, I have been searching for 6 years with my agency to find my birth mother and nothing. They had to close my case last year as there is nothing else they can do. They believe she may have lied about certain things and the trail was all over the place.

This is very emotional time for you but at least you will have some answers to the questions in your head. I think everyone who is adopted needs to know where they are from and how we got here, this is just human nature.

Take time to digest all the info and when you are ready maybe you could contact her. Tell your family about every step as you will need all their support

Good luck with everything and hope all works out

Dizzyblonde

From reading your post it sounds as though you've grown up in a loving family who have been completely honest with you and did the right thing by you in that they passed on this letter. It can't have been easy for them.
The fact that you know your biological parents loved each other and that your mother had your best interests at heart is another huge plus. Also, with the openness in your family and the information you've been given it would probably be relatively easy for you to contact her if you ever wanted to.
It really is good to talk about these things, and I think you'd benefit greatly from talking to someone who's trained and has experience in this field. Maybe the adoption board have counsellors?

Limerick Dude

Hey OP.

Im also adopted. Im 19 years old and im in college like yourself. I found out when i was about 10 i say, and i have written a few letters to my biological mother. I have seen pictures of her. I have absolutely no information about my biological father, she has never said anything in her letters about him.

A few years ago when i was about 16, my dad asked me did i want to meet up with my birth mother, i was angry at him for asking me this, as my mother(the one who raised me) died of cancer when i was young and i was thinking he was trying to replace her with this woman who i have never spoken to before in my life.

Now my dad does mention it to me now and again, but i still refuse. Not because im angry or anything just because it takes alot of thought. I have a pretty good life now, im in college, i have a job, im going to australia next year to study for a semester and things are looking good. I dont know what way meeting my birth mother would affect my life, it could be bad or good.

The only reason that i would meet up with my birth mother would be to find out information about my biological father.
I think the way things are going now, im running out of time, as time goes on, the window to meet up with my birth mother is beggining to close as i have not wrote to her in a long time and she has ceased sending me cards on my birthday which could be a sign that she is moving on.

Anyway, thats my story, if you want to ask me any questions then feel free to do so.

metrovelvet

Is she still alive?

LegacyUser

I too was adopted and knew from a very early age. I had some hang-ups about it growing up. I have two sisters, one is adopted and the other, the eldest is the natural off-spring of my parents. To say the three of us are not very similar would be a massive understatement and this gave rise to frictions when we were growing up. Added to that the usual thoughts about rejection and I wasn't hugely positive about the subject growing up.

Anyway, fast forward to adulthood, I got married and had kids of my own and then I started to think about potential genetic issues that might arise. I initiated contact through the health board and they were able to locate my natural mother very easily. There was a little pre-counselling and an exchange of letters before we actually met. She was very nice and much more nervous than I was. After she had given me up, she didn't continue a relationship with the father. She did marry subsequently and had children in that relationship. But she had never told anyone about me - not a friend, a family member, her husband, her children, no-one.

We met the one time and she rang a few times over the next month or two but I decided I couldn't continue contact with her if I was a secret. This upset her but hey, life is tough.

I didn't need to know about her, at that stage in my life I was perfectly happy, I had my own family and life was good. I was just curious and my curiousity was driven more by the future health of my children than any desire to reunite. I also did not want to be kept hidden. I never asked her to come out as it were because that would be unfair on her (I'd be fairly annoyed if I were her husband at not being trusted enough to share this information).

Another interesting aspect was the emotional impact on my adoptive mother, she was devasated that I had wanted to meet this other woman. Our relationship was strained for a couple of years afterwards. My dad was great about it but that says a lot about him really.

My advice? Other people can have their opinions but only you can decide what is right for you. You are lucky to have as much information as you do and if you don't feel happy now, you never know it might feel right next year or in five years. You are in control so keep it that way.