To the women.. Musical talent attractive?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I'm a young guy approaching 20 and really the only good thing about myself is that I'm a talented musician. My main interest/styles would be Jazz and Blues. I'm naturally gifted musically and I have been playing elec. guitar since I was very young and currently playing professionally. As for the jazz side, I am also an experienced keyboard player.

As I said, musical talent is really the only good thing about myself (apart from being a nice person).

I'm shy, socially awkward and not very good looking, thus I have had very little success with the ladies. I've never had a girlfriend and (although it doesn't bother too much) I'm still a virgin. My self esteem is very low..

I have always wondered if women do in fact find musical talent attractive. I have been a musician for a long time and apart from some praise and admiration from females at gigs I still have never sensed any attraction towards me.

It would be nice if I knew I had an attractive quality as I really don't have much else. So the question for all you women is, do you find musical talent/musicians attractive?

codeblack

OP why do you regard yourself in such a negative tone, such as saying you dont really have any other attractive qualities? I'm sure you have a lot more than you realise. but getting back to answer your question a guy that can play an instrument is a major turn on for me and most girls i would say, but more importantly a guy being a nice person is more of a turn on, which you already are.

Nevyn

Someone with a sense of rhythm, timing, with a level of manual dexterity are certainly good things.

Red Hand

I think that many women, if not most, are attracted to people with talent and skill, which you say you have. It won't gurantee a girlfriend, but it's a big advantage to have. Makes you stand out.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the responses.

As for why I presented myself with a negative tone.. From past experience I am used to being rejected and shot down and this is when I am in fact just being nice, and being myself. I just grew to believe that maybe looks were the main thing.. even though I didn't believe (or didn't want to believe) this earlier in life.. It's hard to like anything about myself physically.. Music is the only thing things brings me up during bad times. If I didn't have that I don't know what kind of state I'd be in.

feylya

Hang on a second. You play guitar on stage, in front of (assumingly) many different audiences and you have low self asteem? You do realise that those audiences are there to see you. When you're playing, they're listening to what you play. They're hanging on every note that comes from that guitar. Just remember that when you're not playing and you'll be alright.

If you don't think you're attractive, look at some of the ugly feckers that walk around our streets with girlfriends under their arms. You know you're better than them. The only reason you're single is cos you haven't found the right girl and believe it or not, you will.

Edit: Everyone gets shot down - it's part of being alive.

unhappycamper

If you play a gig that blows peoples socks off you will attract woman. If you have no mojo about you (musically or not!) then women will use their transparent vision and see right through you. Playing an instrument/song-writing may be a fire starter but it will only ever be a fire starter. We make the same mistakes as everyone else. When you do make a big mistake, good musicianship or not, mojo or not, you will get dumped! Lol! Be cool OP and stop worrying about things and Mrs right will suddenly appear no doubt.

codeblack

Unreg08 wrote: »

OP here. Thanks for the responses.

As for why I presented myself with a negative tone.. From past experience I am used to being rejected and shot down and this is when I am in fact just being nice, and being myself. I just grew to believe that maybe looks were the main thing.. even though I didn't believe (or didn't want to believe) this earlier in life.. It's hard to like anything about myself physically.. Music is the only thing things brings me up during bad times. If I didn't have that I don't know what kind of state I'd be in.

You're just approaching 20, i didnt have much confidence til after i got into my twenties because like yourself i had bad experiences during my teens years. People in secondary school are immature( obviuously being teenagers and all) they dont want to do anything that would make them not part of the "crowd" i didnt fit in with the crowd and because of this most people wrote me off without even knowing me also because i didnt look like those girls i also got to thinking i had a problem with my looks. But as i got older especialy in college and beyond , i met people who didnt care if you fitted in or not, and some even found me attractive. In the next couple of years,(or even sooner) You'll start to see things change for you, they did for me, and they will for you, you'll meet people who are more mature etc and being a musician wont hinder you in one bit

honru

Yes, the ability to express your creativity and be in the spotlight in front of x many people is a very attractive quality.

What's not attractive is believing that you only have two qualities and probably a dozen or so negative perceptions about yourself.

The "block" you have is your low self-esteem. Perhaps developing more confidence? Yes, it can take years to condition a new behavior, but you can make improvements in a day.

jane86

OP, I think most women would find musicians attractive. Espiecially guitar players. I personally prefer drummers :P

Maybe try a gradual image change (hair/clothes). It might give you the confidence you need to attract the ladies

LegacyUser

Op , there's nothing wrong with you other than a lack of confidence. Maybe try a bit of an image change, if it would help.
The one thing I will say is that although you might be a good musician, don't make it the only reason why a girl should like you. It's not the only thing about you that's good. I'm not saying you do this, but nothing is worse than someone who is good at something and it becomes their entire personality and it's all they can talk about, and they think that they should be worshipped for it. Now that's carrying it a bit far I know and you certainly don't sound like you do that, but it's worse case scenario.I am a musician also and know a lot of classically trained musicians, and tbh, they're a fairly self-centred bunch when they're all in group!
Look, you're young, you've got loads of time, and you ned to just build up your confidence a bit.But there's more to you than the music.You want a girl who likes you for you, and finds your musical talent a bonus, just another thing to like about you.It will take a while, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there every now and then, if you're really into someone, and you think there's a chance that she might like you.Don't sit around waiting for life to fall into your lap, go out and grab it! (cliched, but true!)

froosh69

Thaedydal wrote: »

Someone with a sense of rhythm, timing, with a level of manual dexterity are certainly good things.

ha! well put...i used to play in a band all round the country and didnt have a huge amount of success with ladies...however, the rest of the band who were mid twenties (i was 19) did get alot of women. it took me a whilr to realise that the personality of the other members of the band was a bit more positive and outgoing than mine...i firmly believe that playing an instrument can help, but at the end of the day, its no substitute for personality...

bronte

Musicians are a big weakness with me! All my exs have been musicians :eek:
I would urge you to be yourself op, the right person for you will be attracted to that.
No point whatsoever in putting on an act, because one day the mask will slip.

by8auj6csd3ioq

unhappycamper wrote: »

If you have no mojo about you

What is mojo i did a google but none of the results seems to fit in this context so i guess it is a sort of slang word colloquial expression?

unhappycamper

Jesse Great Panacea wrote: »

What is mojo i did a google but none of the results seems to fit in this context so i guess it is a sort of slang word colloquial expression?

Mojo means: ' A person who seems to have a very attractive quality about them that is hard to put your finger on or explain'

by8auj6csd3ioq

unhappycamper wrote: »

Mojo means: ' A person who seems to have a very attractive quality about them that is hard to put your finger on or explain'

Oh I see thanks for that.

I did recall seeing it as someone who had lost his libido saying he had lost his mojo but that is a very narrow def

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mojo is a good definition then? How do you pronounce it MO JOE or MO KO? Sorry OT

unhappycamper

Jesse Great Panacea wrote: »

Oh I see thanks for that.

I did recall seeing it as someone who had lost his libido saying he had lost his mojo but that is a very narrow def

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mojo is a good definition then? How do you pronounce it MO JOE or MO KO? Sorry OT

Yes they are all fair explanations. The music industry in fact uses a massive amount of slang terminology in every day occurrences. For example, one is in the studio and they are singing flat so the term most appropriate could be something like 'kill it', meaning stop singing it is not working. By using slang, artists and engineers can get along very well without having to come across brash insensitive or offensive.


Back on topic!


I wish the OP the very best and as mentioned earlier you are better off knowing you are a talented musician but once you put that aside there are many more angles to cover in order to make a person really attractive in the long term. So to answer you question OP, music is an attractive base to begin but only one slice of the humble apple pie with cream.

by8auj6csd3ioq

Back on topic!

I wish the OP the very best and as mentioned earlier you are better off knowing you are a talented musician but once you put that aside there are many more angles to cover in order to make a person really attractive in the long term. So to answer you question OP, music is an attractive base to begin but only one slice of the humble apple pie with cream.

+1

Phototoxin

Why do you have to mention that you are still la virgin' its not as if its a disease to be cured at the first available opportunity. You'd be better off waiting till you were in a good relationship lest it fails and you fell even less esteem

Second so what if you're 20, its not like a milestone that you have to have had at least one GF for. So just relax and be yourself.

LegacyUser

No I don't find musicians attractive but I don't find doctors or butchers or binmen attractive either, it's not what you do or what talent you have. It's the YOU the females will find attractive just YOU.

Húrin

Yes most women seem to find musicians (guitarists especially) attractive to a rather ridiculous degree, but that's just my bitterness.

af_thefragile

Yes women do find musical talent attractive. Thats why you see all these musicians and rock stars with loads of girls n all...

Though don't depend on your musical talent alone to get you women. That might not really work. You need to throw in a bit of personality too in there to make yourself more attractive. Which means the usual blend of confidence, humor and all.

And maybe you could learn something from this horribly gone wrong thread of mine!
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055425271

LegacyUser

I personally find musicians attractive (speaking as a fellow musician) but I also know an awful lot of extremely talented musicians that just don't have the personality to match. The difference here though, is that the ones I know are too confident in themselves and are completely convinced that they are nothing short of the greatest.

While talent will attract, you have to have to spark to back it up. You are obviously very talented particularly if you play jazz. Just take some confidence in that. Guaranteed I would be jealous of you if I saw you perform!

For some reason I think you may be a bit like me. I'm a musician too and I suppose I'd be quite talented but I'll always do my very best to avoid talking it up when I can just for fear of seeming conceited or something! (probably why I'm after going unreg for this tbh!)

Rambling... Anyway my point is, as everyone else has said, that yes musicians are attractive but talent is nothing without personality! Have some faith in yourself, everything will come together when it's meant to.

AnonoBoy

Chicks dig musicians. Well at least chicks who are into music though - and hey that's one thing you'll have in common with them from the get go!

Just look at Lyle Lovett. Wasn't he going out with Julia Roberts for a while? She certainly wasn't with him for his looks.

LegacyUser

af_thefragile wrote: »

Yes women do find musical talent attractive. Thats why you see all these musicians and rock stars with loads of girls n all...

Some women maybe, but not all!

wylo

Op, I used be a musician and thought a bit like you. The difference is I was worse because I actually beleived they found it really attractive. At least you have the sense to ask others here. Like yourself I was having no luck with ladies.


My advice would be dont hang on to that thought, keep the two seperate(woman and music). Work on your confidence and the rest will come later.

AnonoBoy

Unregistered wrote: »

Some women maybe, but not all!

Yeah but if you're a musician then surely you'd want to be with a girl that's into music so you don't need to worry about the girls who don't find musical talent attractive.

LegacyUser

I find guys more attractive after hearing them play music, but only when they're humble about it. There are alot of arrogant musicians out there, and its such a turn off when a guy seems to think you should be impressed by him.