Angry

LegacyUser

i went out the other night celebrating - drank a lot, don't remember
this part and went mental.

my friends flatmate has handed notice in, my boyfriend is just about
still with me. i went mad.

this is a long list in i cant handle drink because i get in a total blind
rage stories.

but sometimes i go for a drink and im fine

and i dont need to drink to survive. i just didnt want to be the one not drinking on nights.

but i should have realised.

but i cant forgive or understand myself. i cant take it back. my heart is broken.

davyjose

Can you elaborate please OP? It's hard to offer help without knowing the full story.

Best of luck,

Dave

Saibh

angryangrydrunk wrote: »

i went out the other night celebrating - drank a lot, don't remember
this part and went mental.

my friends flatmate has handed notice in, my boyfriend is just about
still with me. i went mad.

this is a long list in i cant handle drink because i get in a total blind
rage stories.

but sometimes i go for a drink and im fine

and i dont need to drink to survive. i just didnt want to be the one not drinking on nights.




but i should have realised.

but i cant forgive or understand myself. i cant take it back. my heart is broken.

it is all to do with how you handle your drink when you go out. i know that certain drinks drive me crazy and i stay away from them. also another suggestion is have your few drinks but also have a glass of water or two in between your drinks which should help and try. don't mix your drinks. i don't drink any shots cause i know i forget all and hear stories the next day

LegacyUser

i nearly was arrested. i shouted the house down. and its my poor friend that has paid the price for it. i cant do anything about it, other than offer to pay the rent for her. and she could tell all my other friends. and i had such good intentions. this isnt the first time ive had this scenario, but this is the worst by far. i thought about killing myself while really drunk.
she is a really good flatmate, but her flatmate has given his notice. i know the answer, dont drink. i hate myself for not doing this before now. i always knew that drink made me slightly weird, but its also hard not to be a drinker in this country. and i also like to use drink to escape. but now its hurt someone i love.

and i cant take it back. this is the lowest ive been for quite some time. i havent been able to contact her since. her phone is off.

and it all came out of nowhere. one minute grand, next minute - black out. madness.

i hate myself.

davyjose

Don't hate yourself. Please don't.You have to understand that the pain you are feeling, and the damage you have done, will pass. Now right now, that's tough, but it will pass.
I'm guessing that this comes not so much fro m the drink, but from a pain, or a rage inside you. Something that is preventing you from being happy. If so, you have to address this problem.
You will get a hold of your friend. You can't expect them to want to be apologised to before you want to apologise, but they will come around. As for the housemate, well, that's a bit of a storm in a teacup, and I'm telling you DO NOT accept responsibility, for them handing in their notice. I'm sorry, but I've been at quite a few parties where things have gotten out of hand but this sounds like a real excuse for handing in their notice for reasons well outside your outburst. People don't just give up on their home because someone with a tenuous link to them throws a wobbler.
Your boyfriend has not broken up with you, and he won't. But if you want to make a commitment to him, then you need to get better - by better i mean solving the problems as to why you are like this. And if you can't drink, then don't drink. no excuses, "Ireland is a really hard place to drink in." Well is it worse than being where you are right now? But I think it goes deeper. I think you have something in you that needs to be addressed? Am I right? Can you do that?
So a month from now, you'll be shy and you'll be meek, but you'll still have yur friend and your boyfriend. You might even start to feel comfortable on a night out again. The question is: can you promise yourself you know this can never happen again. You might forget the horribleness of this day. But hon, you need to get this seen to. This will pass, people forget and forgive, but only you can ensure you can fix this. I wish you all the luck in the world.

And I've been there - I know exactly how you feel Good luck x

metrovelvet

You need AA and to never ever drink again.

davyjose

metrovelvet wrote: »

You need AA and to never ever drink again.

There ya go. Wow, what enlightenment. There will officially be no drink-induced trouble again. Ten words of simplicity so simple, anyone would swear that the poster hadn't questioned themself ever - not once - before, and that being part of a drinking culture was a piece of piss to disengage from, and that once all that was all done, the OP had no other problems needing to be dealt with. Wonderful. Just don't drink, ya hear that?

metrovelvet

^ Yeah dont drink. If you react like that to alcohol then dont drink it. AA can help work through all the other problems, emotional and mental aspects.

davyjose

Hey Metro, i've read your posts before and you give good advice, but I genuinely believe the OP needs more than just the cold hard facts. No one said to ricey, "Hey Ricey, get professional help. Don't take drugs." And left it at that.
Also most of us have fked up while drunk, and when that sort of thing happens, we feel low, we feel ashamed and we feel scared. We're generally aware that we need to fix something (be it sorting out a crush, or some major issues).
Didn't mean to mock your psot, but I think the OP needed more empathy, than cold, hard advice right now.

And you know, I've known people to go through crises and then crink and go mental. And once that crisis is out of the way, they can drink again. It's not always the drink's fault.

metrovelvet

OK. I can be blunt at times and did not mean to be reductive here or cold or to imply the solution is simple.

If you black out while drinking, you have a problem, you have an abreaction to alcohol, and if you fly into rages when drunk then you also have one. It is my humble opinion, based on having had family members with addictions, and also my own experience in Al Anon, that alcohol is a symptom of another kind of emotional disease, but a symptom which can create other symptoms and thus is symptom and disease simultaneously.

Yes, I am aware of the shame and fear surrounding alcohol, which is why I suggested AA, it is a safe place to find the empathy to work through this, to lift the shame, to redeem your mistakes, to forgive yourself, to ask for forgiveness, to renegotiate your relationship with alcohol.

Yes we all make mistakes and do things we are ashamed of. I wish I could pin point the things I do and say to alcohol, but my sins are all committed in sobriety. The thing is ... it makes it an awful lot harder to come to terms with things when you cant remember what you have done.

When you talk of people who periodically go mental when they drink due to a crisis, how mental are you talking? Are you talking going on a bender or domestic violence?There are cases from proclamations of love to rants and raves, where yes, I would say the drink is amplifying/exagerrating what is there, but when and if it is chronic, and depending on the level and intensity of the mental outburst. No, it is never the drinks fault, it is always the fault of the person who takes the drink. I am not one to say murder is the fault of the weapon but at the same time I know if I had a gun in the house, shots would have been heard a long time ago.

LegacyUser

i agree - either

a) i have anger issues that are released when drinking

or

b) drink makes me angry

i can stop drinking without AA - i would miss it on some nights out, but am not shy without drink. when i dont drink in a drinking crowd then i start getting bored and feeling left out as what starts off as good conversation deteriorates. but i can suck that up and be grateful i still have friends, if in fact i do. it started as something to oil the wheels and it became something that has taken the wheels off the car. i guess i have anger problems. some of my friends say im too nice. and should not be nice all the time. but i want to be nice. i want people to be happy with me.

i agree that if alcohol causes a problem with your relationships then its time to question drinking. and it was the sheer out of the blueness that has really knocked me for 6 and the fact that i went mental.i love my friend. and i wrecked her life for a while. im just so upset with myself. it shouldnt just be a case of - oh thats ok, i didnt mean it.

i wish there was some kind of penance you could do to absolve yourself, like right now.

and the stupid thing about this story, is that i knew at quite a young age that alcohol didnt react with me the same as other people, and i didnt drink really. but i didnt want to be a big square. so i started. and now here i am. for the last 18 months these episodes have started popping up, none as serious as this, every 3 months or so. i seem to have had to apologise more. i dont want to be drunk angry girl. im not. and yet here i am, i am!!!!!

i am going to stop drinking and see if the anger stops. i don't know where it comes from, but i go from being a really nice person to being an enraged psycho, saying things i don't mean, being a total a$$hole. and then most nights im fine. but it has happened with increased frequency over the last few months.

i wish i could take it back. and i can't.

thanks for the positive calming messages. i know its serious. i dont know what to do with the anger, where it comes from or what it means.

i take this as a warning from the cosmos that worse is to come if i dont take the warning.

i wouldnt move out over one night either. but i did that. so i cannot question it.

i wish i was normal and could just drink like normal people and not go mental.

other people drank as much as me and didnt go mental on nights out. they just get sleepy.
im the one having a fit.

but i guess thats life. has anyone any advice on anger.

LegacyUser

davyjose - thanks - the knowledge that someone else knows this awful feeling is comforting

metrovelvet - i couldnt really take the chance of a drinking night out and risk doing something like this again for my own sanity or safety. but i could safely crack a can open here, (i dont want to ) drink it - see another on the shelf and say no i dont want another.
but you are right. given this sequence of experiences it doesnt appear i can control this at all, and it would be stupid not to see a pattern.

its when i try and drink like other people that i seem to come awry. they stay fine. and i dont.

the simple solution is dont drink. i am just on here basically to get support and also because i feel like crap and my friend hasnt gotten back, and i was just so upset for being such an a%%hole. i am scum on the toilet. i cant get her her flatmate back.

i told my sister about everything to sabotage myself in case i forget how upset i am right now and things fade.

this isnt really what i thought i was.

hungryhippo

Can I ask what you were drinking?
And how much of it?

froosh69

you know what?this could be an absolute blessing in disguise...i was arrested in a foreign country for being absolutely off my tits and spent two nights in prison for damage i caused.that was the lowest i had ever been in my life and i had ruined a holiday for my friends and my parents or friends barely spoke to me for weeks.

so now, i take it much easier when im out-i stilll love my drink, but im a bit more careful cos im still not over my arrest tbh...im never going to let myself get that drunk ever again...a few months after my drunk incident, a guy i know stumbled out of a club in front of a taxi and was killed...just shows ya, gotta know your limits

scoot on

Unregistered wrote: »

davyjose - thanks - the knowledge that someone else knows this awful feeling is comforting

metrovelvet - i couldnt really take the chance of a drinking night out and risk doing something like this again for my own sanity or safety. but i could safely crack a can open here, (i dont want to ) drink it - see another on the shelf and say no i dont want another.
but you are right. given this sequence of experiences it doesnt appear i can control this at all, and it would be stupid not to see a pattern.

its when i try and drink like other people that i seem to come awry. they stay fine. and i dont.

the simple solution is dont drink. i am just on here basically to get support and also because i feel like crap and my friend hasnt gotten back, and i was just so upset for being such an a%%hole. i am scum on the toilet. i cant get her her flatmate back.

i told my sister about everything to sabotage myself in case i forget how upset i am right now and things fade.

this isnt really what i thought i was.

OP the exact same thing happens me. You're not alone.
I'm fine most of the time but if there's a big piss up with other people buying me drinks etc then I could have episodes like you described above. I had a huge fight with my brother last weekend over it. Luckily for me he didn't make a big deal of it but it still happened.
I have no idea where the anger comes from. I can't think of anything in my life that makes me go like that but I do.

AARRRGH

At least you've realised you have a problem. Most people are totally incapable of introspection and spend their life damaging themselves and those around them (including their children.)

As stated, you need to give up drink. I don't drink and I promise you the short, medium and long term effects are immense.

You need to get counselling. It doesn't work for everyone (you need to be open to it) and it can make you self-obsessed, but at least you get to talk about and think about things in a controlled manner.

You should also join the gym. I know a few angry people and the gym really helps them stay calm and level. I don't know whether this is some chemical the gym releases or whether it helps burn off aggression, but it works. You could also consider a martial arts class.

Look at your diet too. I don't eat any sort of junk food (caffeine, sugar, etc.) and it has definitely impacted my moods. I have always been a very relaxed person, but I'm definitely even more relaxed now!

Another thing which I find is great is study. It really helps my brain work better, and as a result I am able to make smarter decisions which makes me happier and calmer.

Finally, treat yourself to lots of alone time (walks where you can contemplate things, etc.) and take care of yourself.

Best of luck.

metrovelvet

You may have an alcohol allergy.

AA isnt just used by people who cant stop without it, but it is also a support group for people who have done terrible things while drunk, who are rageaholics, etc. Just something to consider.

AARRRGH

It should be noted AA requires a belief in God (you give up control to a higher power) and I've heard it is very cliquee.

LegacyUser

to get some relief. but i dont believe in prayer really - although to some its a comfort, i believe in action and the power to change. i am just afraid of myself now! maybe i should hire an exorcist! i am capable of behaviour i didnt think i was.

i will try the gym more. i am paying my friends rent for when the guy moves out. he didnt even give notice.

thanks for the positive messages regarding how this could be a good thing if i act now. that gives me hope. i just wish i hadnt wasted so much time up until now. looking back i think alcohol has affected me adversely for some years. it makes me weird and nasty on occasion. im so ashamed. the state of me. but next time it could be something even worse like jail, or driving and killing someone or killing myself. or no boyfriend.

well goodbye wine, and gin. farewell beer. it was nice to escape into you, but its hard to get back out again!

mazcon

AARRRGH wrote: »

It should be noted AA requires a belief in God (you give up control to a higher power) and I've heard it is very cliquee.

A belief in God is not needed for membership of AA You just need to be open to the belief that you are not the highest power in your life. Your higher power can be anything you believe yourself, eg. it could be something as simple as the collective wisdom of the group.

af_thefragile

Well i don't think there's not much for me to add here as you've yourself realised you've got a problem with drinking.

I don't know how well AA will help you, it probably will at some level though. But i think what really will help you is to fill the gap left by not drinking alcohol in your life with something else.

I say why don't you try this for a month. Decide not to drink for a month. Then decide to save all the money you would spend on drinks on night outs. See how much you've saved at the end of the month by just not spending any on alcohol (and i'm sure it'll be a significant amount!).
Then with this money that you've saved up, spend it on something you'ld like to do. Join a sports club or a gym. Go sky diving, buy a mountain bike (well, this might take a couple of months of savings), anything you like, you can find a million ways to spend that money on stuff you'ld like to do.

Now this will help you in many ways. For starters it'll keep you motivated to not buy any drinks hence keep you from drinking. Then it'll also fund another activity you'ld like to do to fill in the gap left in your life by not drinking.

Do this for a month, see how much money you've saved up just by not buying any drinks, spend the money on something else you'ld love to do.
And this should work much better than what those AA guys tell you in those meetings.

LegacyUser

i think the work that AA do is great and fills a void that would otherwise go un filled. if believing in a god helps people find comfort, then i am all for that.

however for me, im not sure thats for me. i dont drink every day. i often go on nights out where i dont drink. what brought me here was the sheer shame of what had happened and the realisation that i have a problem with drinking irrespective of not drinking every day. the shock of this, and impacting someone else, something i am fundamentally against and would have criticised others for is what i was just trying to deal with. i feel much more positive today. i watched that programme about Francis Black and it cheered me up. i also talked to my friend. the money i save on drink will be spent for the next month on paying her rent for the flatmate she lost because of me. i dont even spend that much - maybe 300 a month max. its more the effect it has. i can go from normal nice to screaming assault and there are no predictors before hand. and i wasnt always like this. its accepting i am that person. jaysus, the shame. she was really nice to me about it, im lucky that usually im a good friend and had money in the friend bank account and wasnt already over drawn.

from talking to my family this appears to be a familial trait. there are a lot of pioneers in my family, and i think now i know why!!

i am going to volunteer at a charity shelter in the new year and do some more volunteer work before christmas.

and im going to buy books.

i just hope this is enough of a fright now and thats the end of it, and i wont get tempted by drink over christmas. i always like to please, and sometimes people who are used to seeing you drink might not like you changing. its funny. but i have other people involved now - like family to keep an eye that are aware of the dangers.

im lucky perhaps my reaction was so extreme, and not the drip drip of a little a little which may be worse and more damaging long term.

but i know that AA promotes God - but if the AA wasnt there - what would people do?


anyway thanks guys. i look forward to being richer and thinner over christmas.

af_thefragile

^well 300 a month is still quite a significant amount of money...
Or atleast it is to me!

Its good to know you're finding AA helpful.
But just to add a bit more to it you really should like consciously save up that money from not drinking and treat yourself with something good with it. Something you'll love and something that'll reward yourself for spending the month sober. This way soon you might just start to love the whole process of saving up and treating yourself towards the end of the month that you might not feel the need to drink anymore!

You can really get a lot of stuff with €300. Maybe a nice dress for yourself or a short weekend break to somewhere not that far. Or maybe buy your friends christmas gifts to make up for the times you've been harsh/rude to them. It'll give you a really great feeling of satisfaction and will really help you in keeping off the drinks.

So yeah, OP good luck with it all!!

Karen_*

OP you're not scum so stop thinking that of yourself. You can't handle drink that's for sure.

I was the same. 9 times out of 10 I was ok when drinking but occasionally I'd go nuts and that manifested itself in lots of different disasters on a night out or a night in. Yes there was lots of other things going on which had me like that but I wasn't dealing with them. I just drank on them.

I'm off drink 4 months and did it with AA. I'd been in and out of AA for three years and still drinking and criticsising it and everyone in it. Through desperation I have now copped on and take what I want from AA. It promotes getting sober, not god but people will see what they want to see especially when they don't want to change really.

Its not for everyone. And if you can give up drink without it then please do that. All the nights out and the days you don't drink don't matter. Its the disasters that happen when you do. To me your posts read like you've a big problem that you're denying while admitting that the odd night is the problem.

When the dust from all this settles you'll think everythings fine and drink again. That's happened before. We've all done it. You're going to have to deal with your drinking at some stage. Try stopping and staying stopped all by yourself. Hats off if you can do it but I think you need help.

Trinity

I know that feeling so well.

OP over the years i've done some awful things that i still cringe today thinking about. I've picked rows, screamed at people at a taxi rank, behaved like a complete scumbag, smashed laptops, phones, toppled over a 32 inch TV in a temper, the list is endless and thats just the physical damage i did.

I wont even go into the emotional messes i've made. And yet like you i am a real people pleaser. Trying to make everyone happy. I did mention this to my doctor and she said i am so busy trying to be perfect that i need some release and unfortunately this is how it manifests. Not everytime i drink but i'm unpredictable and i frighten the **** out of myself.

I like you didnt drink every night either well not benders anyway, i get into the habit sometime where i will drink every night, just a couple, then it gets more than a couple so i have to stop. So i didnt think i had a problem cos i could stop if i wanted well short term anyway.

But i dont go out much anymore and when i do it terrifies me. I have my sons christening coming up and while i wont drink in the day some of us are going out that night and i am bloody dreading it.

I wont lie i dont particularly want to give up drinking completely but as my mother says i'm a bad drunk so the best i can do is cut back, watch myself and know my limit.

Anyway look your most definately not alone in this, so many people have been through this and in time the shame will pass, or it will at least lessen. You might still cringe a little but you will learn to forgive yourself and it wont be as raw as it is now.

Karen_*

Trinners and OP, if you ate brocolli and it had that effect on you then you wouldn't eat it again nor would you want to.

Its worrying that you'd want to hold onto something so destructive and try to find ways to make it work out for you. Its like a love affair with a bottle. Giving it another chance I mean. Its only a drink. It shouldn't be so precious.:(

LegacyUser

its so affirming to know im not the only one. it was pretty bad guys. and its been bad before. im not going into details but it was enough to scare a man out of a flat. psychotic would be the word to use. its not a happy memory. its enough to make me refuse a drink for - oh quite some time. its not a typical alcoholic experience. its like having a stick of dynamite. sometimes it just fizzes and then more and more often it explodes.

karen
i can definitely see how you could get grand and then start again. just a little relaxing glass. ive done that before already. i am a perfectionist. and that isnt good. from extensive reading in the area of perfectionists they all seem difficult people. so im giving myself a big break on that front. im never happy with what i do. ever. i could be made queen of the world and i would say - no i should have been made queen of the world last year. that then makes me give up and not appreciate things, angry and - why can't i have what i want and deserve. blah de blah. i come from a long line of the highly strung it would appear. when we are good we are good, but when we are bad, then we are perfect at that too.

i really have a choice. stay where i am - and feel like scum. or change. i have high standards and i dont want to be the angry drunk. no no no no.

i am not afriad to seek help, or am not avoiding it. if the time comes i will seek it out.

thanks everyone for taking the trouble