Fallback girl - forever?!

DeiseChick87

Just looking for an outsiders point of view.

Im a 22yr old girl. Ive been friends wit this guy for like 3yrs, we've helped each other through the best & worst of times. We used to text all day, everyday. We never really hung out or anything, just texting really. Saw him every now & again. At the beginning, we wer 'meeting' each other but that went upside down after a few months. However over the 3 or so yrs, weve met each other loads of times on & off. It was understood between us that we both fancied each other, wer great friends but that it just wudnt work between us. (i dont know why really).

so a few months ago, i found out that he had been lying to me & that he actually had a girlfriend for the past year & a half. He told a close friend of mine by accicident. So i havent spoken to him since i found out, nor have i confronted him. At first, i was just really angry & i didnt want to speak to him. Deleted all his texts as they came in, never replied. Now im at the stage wher im really missing him & im considering texting him again.
But i dont want to be his fallback girl or the fool that keeps his ego inflated, which is what i will be if i text him. Half of me is saying "get a grip" & then another part is saying whats the big deal, he's not answerable to me anyway!
Thing is i love him, always have , always wil. Got over many guys in my time but he's the one i cant get over, no matter what i do or how hard i try. UGHHHH, can someone give me the kick up the ass i need. some harsh words may be needed.

thanx 4 reading

~nop~

Sounds like a messer. Don't text him again.

Aloysius Flyte

He's a liar.

You can't ever trust him again can you?

There are nicer people out there.

Move on

AnonoBoy

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

Thing is i love him, always have , always will.

No you won't. Honestly you will get over him and then you'll realise that he's not a friend, that he was just using you as a boost to his ego when he needed it. What sort of guy would have a girlfriend for a year and a half and not tell you? One that wanted to get off with you every now and then and not have you cause trouble for him - that's the sort.

pow wow

If he wanted you the way you want him, he'd be with you. He isn't.

If he respected you as a friend bearing in mind your history together, he'd tell you he had a long-term girlfriend, at least in passing if for no other reason. He didn't.

If he's a guy who loves the attention, keeping you close enough to use you when he needs to but far enough away that he can pick you up and pop you down whenever he felt like it, he'd be acting like he is now.

You know the answer to this yourself. We all have the what-if guys in our past, and that's usually the best place for them.

If you genuinely think he is unsure of your feelings and would reciprocate if he knew, then lay it on the line. Life is short.

Tragedy

As ellscur said, if he wanted you he'd be with you.

Not only that, he's lied to you for over 18months.

Do you really want to be second best AND not trust him?

If you were his girlfriend, he would do exactly to you as he is doing to his current girlfriend.

He has no respect for her or for you.

Liam Byrne

I'm a bit confused....

a few months ago, i found out that he had been lying to me & that he actually had a girlfriend for the past year & a half.

Does the "& / AND" mean that the lie was separate to having a girlfriend ?

Or do you view him not telling you that he had a g/f as a "lie" ? Unless he explicitly told you that he DIDN'T have one, then he didn't lie.

At the beginning, we wer 'meeting' each other

Why the inverted commas ? It's hard to judge what was going on unless you say it. Did ye hook up ? Snog ? Have sex ?

It was understood between us that we both fancied each other

Are you sure about this ? You can never tell what's going on in someone's head, and sometimes the above can be a result of more hope than fact.

Aside from all the above (and I hope I wasn't too harsh) you say that you're angry, etc. Remember that. I got completely f**ked around in the not-too-distant past and while it's all consigned to history now, there is the odd occasion where I go "should I give a shout to say hi, even if it's just to be sound or mates or whatever" and I have to remind myself not to, and remind myself of why that will have to be the case.

And if you find yourself wavering, which you will the odd time, have a listen to something like Nell Bryden's "Second Time Around"......

daisybelle2008

You know the drill OP...i.e that it is not going to go anywhere and you want more than he does. He knows this and that is why he did not tell you about the girlfriend.
However, I don't believe you truly love him, it is more of an idealised romantic obsession that you have fixated on him, probably because he is unobtainable makes him more attractive.
You will meet someone else who will be worthy of your love and give you in return. This guy is not the one, don't waste anymore time or tears on him.

DeiseChick87

thanx guys

yep he declared on many a seperate occasion that he was single. And this is the lie im refering to.
When i said meeting i ment snoggin & more, yet not sex, but it wasnt from his lack of trying.

he told me regularly that he was mad about me, that i was gorgeous etc. That was one thing he was very clear on.

wasper

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

Just looking for an outsiders point of view.

Im a 22yr old girl. Ive been friends wit this guy for like 3yrs, we've helped each other through the best & worst of times. We used to text all day, everyday. We never really hung out or anything, just texting really. Saw him every now & again. At the beginning, we wer 'meeting' each other but that went upside down after a few months. However over the 3 or so yrs, weve met each other loads of times on & off. It was understood between us that we both fancied each other, wer great friends but that it just wudnt work between us. (i dont know why really).

so a few months ago, i found out that he had been lying to me & that he actually had a girlfriend for the past year & a half. He told a close friend of mine by accicident. So i havent spoken to him since i found out, nor have i confronted him. At first, i was just really angry & i didnt want to speak to him. Deleted all his texts as they came in, never replied. Now im at the stage wher im really missing him & im considering texting him again.
But i dont want to be his fallback girl or the fool that keeps his ego inflated, which is what i will be if i text him. Half of me is saying "get a grip" & then another part is saying whats the big deal, he's not answerable to me anyway!
Thing is i love him, always have , always wil. Got over many guys in my time but he's the one i cant get over, no matter what i do or how hard i try. UGHHHH, can someone give me the kick up the ass i need. some harsh words may be needed.

thanx 4 reading

I think you are more hooked on the thrill of texting than the guy.
Call me old fashion, but you both found each other desirable, but yet chose not to act on it! Why do you deny yourselves the joy of a relationship & concentrates on texting.
I think you need to put a stop to all this & find someone else & develop a real affair of the heart.

Bottle_of_Smoke

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

thanx guys

yep he declared on many a seperate occasion that he was single. And this is the lie im refering to.
When i said meeting i ment snoggin & more, yet not sex, but it wasnt from his lack of trying.

he told me regularly that he was mad about me, that i was gorgeous etc. That was one thing he was very clear on.

Sounds like an asshole then. Even if he wasn't the fact that you love him, and that you know he's willing to cheat on a long term girlfriend, I'd stay away.

Liam Byrne

DeiseChick87 wrote: »

yep he declared on many a seperate occasion that he was single. And this is the lie im refering to.

Well in that case (and apologise for needing to clarify) then forget about him; if he'll lie/cheat about his current g/f he'd lie/cheat to someone else about you if ye were together.