How to recognise the signs?

LegacyUser

I'm a guy in my twenties, in college and doing well in my studies, but when the nights out are organised etc, i'll go out and have a bit of a dance as i don't drink but if it came to recognising if a girl is into me, i'm completely dumbfounded about it.

Bit of backstory here:

Growing up i was always with the same group of lads until we were like 17-18, never had female friends until last year so hanging around em and watching how they emote is quite new to me. Now i can be friendly with em whatever, trying to make tiny chit-chat but i find it hard. If it came to romantic gestures though, i'd be like a fish trying to swim through fire...it just aint happening sadly:( Now i'm sure i could attract SOME attention as i'm not a bad mover on the floor, decent lookin guy, fit and athletic non smoker and the fact i wear glasses doesnt get me down too much, sure i'm gettin contacts sorted soon anyhow. All i would hope to get here is some direction as to how this game works from some people here, as being totally pure (never been kissed etc) in your mid 20's is not something to be proud of in my mind.

So any offers of how i should look at this would be appreciated greatly!!
Thanks.

LegacyUser

Theres a book called 'The Game' by someone called Strauss I think, that would probably give you a lot of info. I havnt actually read it but its meant to be 'the pickup bible'. its prob not really what you're looking for but I'm pretty sure it'll give you a lot of info on how the lady's minds works.

Other than that just be confident in yourself (you seem to be already so thats something in your favour already). Don't come across too needy and desperate. As much as girls say they like 'sensitive' 'nice' guys, my experience is that this type for some reason dosn't attract. Not saying you can't be nice but I hope you get my point!

Also do you have any female friends who could help you out?

Best of luck I'm sure it'll be no time before you get yourself a girl, they like good dancers anyway!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Theres a book called 'The Game' by someone called Strauss I think, that would probably give you a lot of info. I havnt actually read it but its meant to be 'the pickup bible'. its prob not really what you're looking for but I'm pretty sure it'll give you a lot of info on how the lady's minds works.

Hi there, OP again with a short reply. I've heard of that book, nothing really good though all the signs point towards bulls**t i'm afraid

Other than that just be confident in yourself (you seem to be already so thats something in your favour already). Don't come across too needy and desperate. As much as girls say they like 'sensitive' 'nice' guys, my experience is that this type for some reason dosn't attract. Not saying you can't be nice but I hope you get my point!

Aye i AM confident in my abilities other than general smalltalk and keep myself lookin good, clean and dressed decently...basically i like to make some effort.:)

Also do you have any female friends who could help you out?

I'm afraid i've got maybe 1-2 at most, and hardly ever see them, and cannot contact them any other way sadly

Best of luck I'm sure it'll be no time before you get yourself a girl, they like good dancers anyway!

Cheers for that!! i've had many girls shift their way up to me on the floor, done a little grinding etc but where the next part usually happens (getting stuck in) i just cant seem to initiate it, like the switch in my brain telling me to go for it shorts out, so i just continue dancing...

In having very little of a social life, and barely any friends to speak of, let alone be able to chat about stuff like this as i'm still a pretty shy guy about alot of things (i USED to be an online gaming geek, done not much else every day for 5 years...yeah talk about soul destroying/mind numbingly addictive waste of time eh!!) so still got a little of that old shell left surrounding me, almost broken through it, i feel that this may be the last thing i need to be who i am meant to be, free to do what i would have feared and never tread upon before:)

I would still love some more feedback, i know there maybe someone who reads this forum that can add some wisdom and give another guy a break haha!!

SoWatchaWant

You just pick up stuff as you go. You have to force yourself to speak to them, or whatever. I used to be dire in that regard, but now I'm passable because I force myself to speak to whoever I'm interested in. And even if it goes horribly wrong, I hold my head high and have a laugh about it with my mates:)

Hope I've helped? Smalltalk is just something you learn to do through experience, so no point in giving pointers or things to say, other than just go for it:)

tomdadude

Honestly I don't know if you're being entirely truthful.I mean how could you not be sure of how many female friends you have.You said "maybe 1-2 at most".

Anyway the best thing you can do is drink.Seriously it'll shut up that voice in your head that holds you back.

studiorat

I don't think I'll ever know, nor would I want to either really.
Sure isn't that half the fun?

LegacyUser

If you're in college and aren't a complete waster (ahem*geek*), then it's normal for you to not have much experience with the ladies, there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!!!

I'm in my early 20s and most of my friends (in college, that is) have never had a GF/BF, but it certainly doesn't mean there's anything wrong with any of them! In fact, most would be considered very attractive, but just never met the right person and weren't at all bothered scoring randomers in nightclubs!



Young people should really take a chill when it comes to these things, seriously like! I personally would find it quite sweet and would feel very special if I was my OH's first in that respect...
But we've never discussed it and I just can't tell! Like there's no way for someone you're going out with to know you're inexperienced, unless you tell them! Not that the lack of experience in that field is something to be ashamed of, it really isn't, for both guys and girls!


To sum up, don't feel under pressure to score anyone or even worse don't get into a relationship unless you really really really like the person! Doing that will just spoil the first experience for you, it's just not worth it!
When you meet someone you feel is special enough, all that stuff (kissing etc etc) will just come naturally to you and you'll be the happiest person in the world!

This is not a job, so experience is just completely irrelevant!!!!

best of luck in your love life, OP!!!!!

Monkey61

Unregistered wrote: »

Theres a book called 'The Game' by someone called Strauss I think, that would probably give you a lot of info. I havnt actually read it but its meant to be 'the pickup bible'. its prob not really what you're looking for but I'm pretty sure it'll give you a lot of info on how the lady's minds works!

I actually do think you should read that book. It's amazing. I'm a girl - and still think it's great. If you ignore the irritating guys in it, and the Americanness of it all, there is actually some great tips on how to build up your confidence and talk to women in general.

All the confidence in the world won't help you if your rubbish at smalltalk though. If I can give one major piece of advice to you about talking to girls it would be to ask lots of questions, be interested in what they are saying and DO NOT under any circumstances, be a boy who lectures! There is nothing more repellent than being talked at, rather than to, without a single question being asked.

seraphimvc

+1 to the above two posters

movie scenes will never happen in reality.people are easy,make some jokes(no matter how sh!te they are),laugh,drink,that's it,let it happens naturally.

yomamasflavour

Monkey61 wrote: »

I actually do think you should read that book. It's amazing. I'm a girl - and still think it's great. If you ignore the irritating guys in it, and the Americanness of it all, there is actually some great tips on how to build up your confidence and talk to women in general.

All the confidence in the world won't help you if your rubbish at smalltalk though. If I can give one major piece of advice to you about talking to girls it would be to ask lots of questions, be interested in what they are saying and DO NOT under any circumstances, be a boy who lectures! There is nothing more repellent than being talked at, rather than to, without a single question being asked.

This is so true! Girls = Self centered = Only want to talk about themselves.

Which would be grand, exept ye go on, and on, and on...:D

LegacyUser

tomdadude wrote: »

Honestly I don't know if you're being entirely truthful.I mean how could you not be sure of how many female friends you have.You said "maybe 1-2 at most".

Anyway the best thing you can do is drink.Seriously it'll shut up that voice in your head that holds you back.

Actually...yes i AM being truthful, as i would count a friend as someone i'll see more than every few months at best and get along just fine with them so i'm gonna stick with my original suggestion of 1-2:) And although many people have said "ah sure why not have a drink" i just dont wanna even though i know the dutch courage would kill those voices, cheers though!

@Monkey61 and yomamasflavour - Cheers for the info, i already did know that women in general love to chat about themselves, and it so happens that i'm a good listener since i dont already have the gift of the gab :P I still get my piece in though haha!!

Thanks for the replies again everyone, already i have tried to open up a bit more and seems to be working ever so slightly, but progress is progress after all:) Even if some more of you wanna post, feel free to add your knowledge hehe.