Moving on??!!

LegacyUser

Hey All.
Reg poster here but going un-reg for this one!!
I'm a guy who's 29 (Might help when forming opinions).

I'm looking for advice as I'm in a situation that I can't see a way to solve!!!

I have a female friend, I'll call her Mary, who I have known for about 10 years. To be honest I've always had a thing for her but wouldn't dare admit it to myself... or to her for a long time. I did tell her I liked her way back when we met in the first few weeks and she didn't feel the same. A good while after I met someone and was blissfully happy for a few years. We travelled and lived away for quite a while so I lost touch with Mary and didn't see her for years. I got engaged but then after that relationship started to fall apart. We had moved home (around the corner from Mary!) and in the spring this year we finally broke up, after 8 years together. It was a long time coming if I'm being honest. My ex-fiancé even thought I broke up with her over Mary.... that's not true.

Since the breakup Mary and myself have become the best of friends. We see each other all the time and are always out together and calling to each other. Everyone always thinks we are a couple and we laugh it off. The problem is that those feelings from all those years ago are still there.... and have gotten much stronger over the last while. I told Mary how I felt, but again she doesn't feel the same. We are still the best of friends.

So here is my problem. Every girl I meet ends up saying that Mary and I are the real couple and that they are second best. They say this without me telling them anything about the past. They just seem to pick up on it. I'm currently in a relationship for the past few weeks with a lovely girl who I really like but this problem reared its head with her last night and we had a huge row.

How am I going to move on and find someone else when this relationship breaking issue with Mary raises its head EVERY time I meet someone new? As we all know you can't stop how you feel about someone but I'm putting Mary down as the one that got away!! What else can I do. I want to find someone else and hopefully over time my feelings for Mary will disappear.

Any advise?

biko

If you want to move on you need to cut ties with Mary. What does she think of the situation?

Mr. Magoo

In a fairly similar situation myself at the moment. Crazy about a girl I met back when I started college. We lost touch for reasons that I won't go into and I moved on. She got in touch a few months ago and all the feelings came flooding back. She wanted to be friends but I couldn't shake the other feelings. I knew there was only one thing I could do to move on - cut contact, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Long story short had a chat with her the other day and explained it all, told her friendship wasn't what I wanted and I needed to move on but couldn't do it if we kept in touch. It feels horrible at the moment but I think I made the right choice.

Probably should have gone un-reg but feck it!

Wagon

Cut contact with Mary.

LegacyUser

Oh I was hoping not to get those replies!!!

Just seems such a hard thing to do. Do you really have to cut someone off even if the friendship you have is so so important?

Sofaspud

Why are you still friends with Mary? I'd put money on it that you want something to happen between you and you're just friends because of that hope.

I'm guessing she's not with someone else, and if she isn't, she will be. So imagine how you'll feel when she is. Do you want to have to deal with that?
Hard as it may seem, you have to "break up" with her to move on. Otherwise anyone else will be second best.

peekyboo

oh_what_2_do wrote: »

Oh I was hoping not to get those replies!!!

Just seems such a hard thing to do. Do you really have to cut someone off even if the friendship you have is so so important?

Oh come on! These girls are not stupid. You talk about Mary and all these feelings you have for her, spending lots of time with her and would hate to give up your contact with her and you expect another woman to put up with this?? If I were them, I would run a mile from you. A blind man can see you are totally in love with Mary and what woman would want to get involved with that? :rolleyes:

RoosterIllusion

Mr. Magoo wrote: »

Probably should have gone un-reg but feck it!

Unless your other (21) posts on boards.ie give away who you are then I genuinely wouldn't worry about it.