Male Opinions on confusing situation

LegacyUser

Hiya,

Just looking for some feedback and Im actually looking for male opinions on this please.
I`ve been seeing this guy since June and it`s a long distance relationship and will be until Summer this year when he`ll be returning to Ireland. Let me make the point that Ive had a few bad relationships in the past and am careful about what I get myself into these days so I initially wasn`t too gone on the idea of a long distance thing anyway as they rarely work.

However I do like him and we get along well so I decided to give it a shot. We slept together a bit sooner than I would have liked due to drunkeness on both our parts and I noticed a change in him after that. It appeared he had "got his" and our contact level dropped to about two phonecalls a week and about two texts a day.

I would have thought to keep a long distance thing going (seeing as we only see each other on average once a month,) that more effort to keep in contact would be made. However we have continued seeing each other and at times he is really sweet. Ive met a lot of his friends and family and as I say, I do enjoy his company...but
we are now together since June and to be honest he often just seems fairly indifferent to the whole thing which is not what I want in a relationship. He now texts me perhaps once every couple of days and in the last four weeks we have had TWO five min phone calls.

We no longer chat online and he rarely sends me emails.
Furher more, when we do spend time together, he tends to go completly silent for a long time and when I ask him whats wrong he shrugs and says nothing.We can have a whole dinner with him saying less than once sentence to me. You would think that seeing as our time together is so limited, he would actually WANT to talk to me but its like trying to pull teeth getting him to talk alot of the time, that is of course, unless he`s drunk, which is often.

We had a weekend away last month "together" which didnt go well at all and since then there has been minimal contact. During this weekend, most of it was spent with others so we had no time to ourselves at all. We were meant to be going for a nice dinner out which he cancelled because he got into a huff and then insisted we go back to the Bed and breakfast where he ignored me all night and I ended up starving as he had cancelled the restuarant and we had not eaten at all.

And why the argument leading to this? Well we had spent most of the day drinking with various friends of his which I didnt mind at all but A--would have liked *some* time togeher and B--was consious of the fact that I was now getting tipsy and didnt want to embarress myself in front of new people. He was going on and on about how he wanted to meet up with a female friend of his that night and going out of his way to persuade her to come drinking with us after the dinner, which I found a bit irritating to be honest. He knows I have no problem with him spending time with his female friends but he kept going on about her to me telling me how "fantastic" she is etc and it just seemed he was more concerned about drinking with her than spending any time with me, his gilfriend.

I said that I was getting a bit tipsy and would like just a little bit of time to ourselves and asked would he mind if I just stayed for one or two drinks with the female friend and then went back to the B & B and left them to it. It turned into a row and he told me he thought I was jealous of her. I said I wasn`t but as he was seeing me after all, it would be nice to have a BIT of time just togther as I was finding it draining going from one crowd of new people to the next all weekend long and drinking all the time. I said that I didnt mind going for a drink with the girl at all but what pissed me off was the fact that he wanted to spend *All night* drinking with her and kept telling me how fantastic she was. It was a bit unfair. I said I didnt mind if they went drinking all night (although I was dissapointed that I was clearly the last priority) but I just wanted to leave a bit early and leave the two of then in the pub if he wanted.

Under the circumstances , I think he could have understood that I was being more than reasonable though I was clearly hurt. For Gods sake I offered to leave them drinking togther didnt I? But he went into a huff, decided to cancel our dinner altogther and so we ate nothing and spent the rest of the night in the Bed and breakfast during which time he gave me the silent treatment all night. I kept saying to him to go out if he wanted to but he said no, and then continued to ignore me anyway.

The following day, back in Dublin we had a quiet drink togther and it was actually a really good night. Then two of his mates howed up AGAIN but because I was drained from the weekend I said nothing and made the effort with them. They are nice lads and that was grand. The night was going fine and then all of a sudden he turned to me and more or less hinted that I should go home as I "had work tommorow". To be honest, after a weekend of being given the silent treatment, told repeatedly how wonderful this other girl was, trying to be friendly to all his mates and not feeling at all appreciated , I really needed to at least feel like he enjoyed my company in some form and him hinting that I should leave was evidence enough that I was no longer required now that he mates had arrived so I left. I walked off on him and said it was clear I was in the way.

There was no apology at all from him. He went back to Europe the next day and didnt even call me and I heard nothing from him until about a week later when he sent me a drunken text saying "give me a kiss" I brought up what had happened and he said he had nothing at all to apologise for . I let it drop and we have been in contact since then but like I said, its now dwindled to one text every few days and in four weeks he has called me twice.

I want to step back and see if this is worth continuing because I just feel taken for granted and if this guy is just using me for whatever reason I want to stop this before I get more involved.
Im very easy going with regards him meeting mates, male or female but I also want to know that Im impotant too and that I matter. He is giving me the impression he couldnt give a **** and the lack of contact seems to be a bad sign.
So guys, opinions please. In your opinion what is behind his behaviour ? Am I wasting my time here?

corcors

I'm not a guy so you might not want my opinion but run - run away as fast as you can! Only a few months in and this guy is treating you like crap. IT doesn't sound like he respects you at all and with contact at such a small level I'd be worried.

The_Conductor

corcors wrote: »

I'm not a guy so you might not want my opinion but run - run away as fast as you can! Only a few months in and this guy is treating you like crap. IT doesn't sound like he respects you at all and with contact at such a small level I'd be worried.

I am a guy- and I'd have to concur. Call it a day. You'll find someone nice who deserves you when you least expect it.

jim o doom

I am a guy & I don't really understand his actions - unless we take it from this point of view; he doesn't care about you and is just stringing you along until you drop him like a sack of shnidt (which you should do). I can't imagine any man who actually cared for a woman, to treat her in that fashion. I can be a changeable hard to live with cnut - but I love my girl and do my best to let her know & we are in contact several times every day for the last 7 years, even though we live together. I'd say drop him, heal and find someone worthwhile who doesn't treat you like a piece of crap.

Kershaw.D

Ello
I only got as far as the part where he is drunk a lot
And thats a v ,bad sign
You wrote a bit too much
So Leave him if isnt going to talk to you much unless hes drunk

ShayK1

I don't post in PI very often and that may be the longest post I've ever read on boards but this guy sounds like an inconsiderate prick!!
I was in a long-term relationshop for around a year and a half. It's tough. Really tough. We spoke nearly everyday and if we didn't speak we text or emailed. When we did get to see eachother (once or twice a month) we always made time to see other people but we spent all our time together.

After this line:
"I said that I was getting a bit tipsy and would like just a little bit of time to ourselves and asked would he mind if I just stayed for one or two drinks with the female friend and then went back to the B & B and left them to it"

he accused you of being jealous??? What a load of BS!! The fact that you did that says to me that you have absolute trust in this guy, however he doesn't sound like he deserves it.

That's my opinion anyway, and I'm a 25 yr old male.

for gods sake move on and give the decent guys a chance

hobochris

To me it sounds like he is very arrogant and expects you to jump through his hoops with nothing in return. From the sound of things I wouldnt be supprised if he is off chasing other women or has a couple of other women on the go. If I were you Id dump his ass. You hardly see him and when you do your second to his friends or anyone else. For the time you spend with him its deffinatly not worth it in my opinion.

Get rid of him and find someone who has more respect for you.

topper75

I would go with the other posters. Time to look elsewhere. I would say this on the basis of his insistence on the other girl going for drinks too. He seems to be disrespectful and cowardly.

Be careful though with analyising frequency of contacts such text/call/mails. Men don't think like women on this front. Long silences when together are not a bad sign in themselves either! Tbh a guy abroad has his own life to live and his own work concerns - he can't be updating you on the minutae of a life you don't know much about back in Ireland. A text every few days is the norm to communicate the main news. I once got tired of a girl because she couldn't stop texting. Boring.

John Mason

ER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what are you doing with this person, they certain have no respect for you and to be honest, i dont think he really likes you as a person.

dblennon

I agree even though your post was insanely long, you seem really sound,

in my opinion he is just enjoying long distance nookie he can say what ever he likes to you(I mean when he is being romantic etc.) as he has the safety of the disatnce I doubt he see's the relationship the way you do.

just my 2c.

delboy2

Sounds like a muppet OP. Just move on and find someone who'll want to spend time with you. I mean to be fair all blokes including myself like nothing better than a few beers with the lads and having a good time but there has to be a balance.

muppetkiller

He was completely in the wrong.

You seem to be benefiting in no way from continuing to deal with him.

Simply email or text him saying sorry you don't a see any future with someone who obviously doesn't respect you or your feelings so good luck' , This will no doubt upset his little world and he'll send you lots of pleading texts and emails which you will ignore and then you'll live happily ever after

Gyalist

Almost every sentence that you wrote mentions drink, drinking, drunk, drunken, tipsy - and not just on his part.

Let me make the point that Ive had a few bad relationships in the past and am careful about what I get myself into these days so I initially wasn`t too gone on the idea of a long distance thing anyway as they rarely work.

One bad relationship is understandable, but a few? Some serious reflection is needed here if you keep finding yourself in toxic relationships.

You have to end this relationship as soon as possible but also explore why you keep getting in to these types of relationships in the first place.

Irishcrx

To be honest it does seem like he isn't really interested, if he was he would definatly be making more of an effort. As you said you have had your fair share of bad relationships in the past and this will only get worst, the early stages of a relationship should be spend together, doing fun things, enjoying each others company and getting to know each other. This guy seems to be pushing you away. I would sit him down next time you see him and just ask outright what he is playing at and tell him you won't be hanging around to be treated like this. If he doesn't like it, let him leave and get on with your life, nobody needs this.

daisybelle2008

Do you have any female friends to confide in? What is their take on it?
It is obvious from what you have written that he is not into this relationship. Splitting up with him will either give him the kick up the arse he needs or won't be that bothered, either way you will be in a better position and not getting treated like crap.

Faith

Sounds to me like he's tired of the relationship but is too much of a coward to break it off. He's clearly treating you like shít to get you to finish things so he doesn't have to feel guilty. It's all well and good for him to have female friends, but no decent boyfriend would act like he did with her while being horrible to you. I'd guess that he was hoping you WOULD get jealous and break up with him. When you didn't, he obviously tried to manipulate the situation to convince you that you were jealous.

Anyway, long story short, finish with him. He sounds like a complete asshole.

happyoutscan

Hi. Defo get out of there, he doesn't seem interested. That's what I would say anyway if you were my sis. And don't beat yourself up about sleeping with him earlier than you liked, that's human nature and shouldn't make a difference. If you think sleeping together earlier than you liked has put him off of you then it is obvious that he isn't mature enough anyway. All the best to ya.

happyoutscan

Have only read what Faith has to say and this sums it up perfectly. It's a Friday, go out and enjoy yourself!

Star Lord

Faith wrote: »

Sounds to me like he's tired of the relationship but is too much of a coward to break it off. He's clearly treating you like shít to get you to finish things so he doesn't have to feel guilty. It's all well and good for him to have female friends, but no decent boyfriend would act like he did with her while being horrible to you. I'd guess that he was hoping you WOULD get jealous and break up with him. When you didn't, he obviously tried to manipulate the situation to convince you that you were jealous.

Anyway, long story short, finish with him. He sounds like a complete asshole.

^ This.

The guy has no respect for you, doesn't treat you like he cares about you at all from what you wrote, so time to cut yourself free and find someone that will actually care about you!!!

LegacyUser

It seems very straight forward. He doesn't want to go out with you anymore but is too chicken to end it. My advice is to end it yourself and at least that way you'll come out of it with some dignity