Isolation and socialising

A_SN

I'm a 22 year old Frenchman (with a distinctive accent and a kick ass moustache) and I moved from France to Dublin last February. I like it, however I work from home (I write commercial software) and because of that I still don't know anyone in this country. Besides my landlord that is. I've been here for 9 months and I still don't have any friends in this country, I haven't gone mad yet (or have I... :pac:), but it's starting to suck, as you can imagine.

So I'd like to socialise with people in this city, but I don't really know how to go about doing that. Like, making real friends and stuff. I've been suggested to go to "the pobe" but that's the type of stuff I kind of apprehend doing on my own, I get suddenly shy when anything involves getting out and socialising with faceless masses of random strangers (like, I mean, what do I know, maybe half of people in pubs are creepy homo drunkards? Which I doubt but you get my point), and I'm not even a big drinker, I mean one glass of whiskey and I'm laughing my arse off to tears for a whole hour or more for no reason.

So anyways, how would you go about socialising with people in a city like Dublin if you don't go to school, don't have a job (one that involves going out of your house that is) and just don't know anyone? I figured that I should start on the Internet, but where? I considered dating sites but I don't want to date, I mean, sure eventually I could date someone I'd eventually like, but I won't talk to a stranger with the direct intent to date, that's kinda creepy, I just want to have friends right now, and I have no idea how to do that!

Any ideas?

WindSock

Moved from LL.

star-pants

There are sites out there that are just for friendships too - not only 'dating' sites.
Also if you feel apprehensive about the pub - I would suggest an activity, to join a team of some sort, or a dance class, even introduction to acting courses run by the gaiety (these are good for ice breakers and bringing you out of your shell) and in turn you'll meet lots of new people.
Wandering into the pub and making friends isn't the easiest way - but being part of a social group is a bit easier. If you're into any sports or even book clubs/golf/whatever your interests are. And you can also try social networking sites / friendship sites too.

A_SN

star-pants wrote: »

There are sites out there that are just for friendships too - not only 'dating' sites.
Also if you feel apprehensive about the pub - I would suggest an activity, to join a team of some sort, or a dance class, even introduction to acting courses run by the gaiety (these are good for ice breakers and bringing you out of your shell) and in turn you'll meet lots of new people.
Wandering into the pub and making friends isn't the easiest way - but being part of a social group is a bit easier. If you're into any sports or even book clubs/golf/whatever your interests are. And you can also try social networking sites / friendship sites too.

Sites for friendship? In Ireland? Seems most pertinent to my interests indeed.. Got any names?

I tried social networking sites as in I sent an e-mail to like 50 semi-random Irish women on MySpace and never got a single reply.. I don't know, maybe it's not the right way to do it? Or maybe it's the moustache?

As for outside activities, yeah, that's a good idea, although there's nothing that I'd be directly interested in doing, that deserves some thought from me, although as of now I'm a bit too much into work to devote enough time to any of that I'm afraid, although it should change sometime soon, I guess, hehe.

Wagon

Boards beers? I've never been, but they sound like good craic.

JDLK

Whoever told you to go to the pub was wrong. The pub is very important in Irish socialising but (in my experience anyway) its a place you go to as a group and socialise- not that you go to on your own and try to get into a group- maybe people do that but that sounds a bit weird to me- I wouldnt go for a night out with myself and hope I make friends with randomers.

Anyway you can jump straight into the pub socialising scen though very easily, but this requires you to join a non pub group first (this all sounds strange but bear with me). Basically in Ireland we use the pub as an add on to our other social groups- for instance if you were doing a cookery class- the class would generally do their "socialising" in the pub after the class- do you know what I mean?

Sign up for a part time course and you'll immediately be asked to the pub by a group within, join a sports clube and you will immmedaitely be asked to the pub after the training/matches. Often the group exercise (class/sports etc) is irrelevant to the social side.

Its an Irish quirk- the "craic" does exist you just need to know how to become part of it.

Dont go out on a Friday night and try to become part of a group- you'll just come across as a weirdo. Dont waste your time trying to socialise over the internet- I mean websites are good for this stuff but you need human contact, a shared interest/activity to provide the foundation for socialising- think about it - even if you had nothing in common with someone the fact that you are both doing a course etc is something to talk about

Now this doesnt mean you have to spend the rest of your life doing courses just to socialise, once you've socialised once with a group- irish people are very good for keeping in contact, and this genrally leads to more group interactions and therefore more socialising, thats the trick - once you're in: you're in- infact after a while you'll be sick of socialising- I still socialise with people I worked with years ago

Suzyq

Hi there,

Why don't you check out this site and see if there are any groups that match your interests...

http://www.meetup.com/cities/ie/dublin/groups/?radius=50.0

Hope you get out and about soon.

Beruthiel

Bienvienue a Irelande A SN

Keep an eye on this forum.
There's a singles mingle in a couple of weeks.

Boards has pretty regular meet ups and I've always enjoyed a night out with my fellow Boardsies. I'm sure there will be a big one before christmas too.
Other forums on this site also meet up for a drink.

btw
Where did you learn your english?

A_SN

JDLK wrote: »

Whoever told you to go to the pub was wrong. The pub is very important in Irish socialising but (in my experience anyway) its a place you go to as a group and socialise- not that you go to on your own and try to get into a group- maybe people do that but that sounds a bit weird to me- i wouldnt go for a night out with myself and hope I make friends with randomers.

Anyway you can jump straight into the pub socialising scen though very easily, but this requires you to join a non pub group first (this all sounds strnage but bear with me). Basically in IOreland we use the pub as an add on to our other social groups- for instanc eif you were doing a cookery class- the class would generally do their "socialising" in the pub after the class- do you know what I mean?

Sign up for a part time course and you'll immediately be asked to the pub by a group within, join a sports clube and you will immmedaitely be asked to the pub after the training/matches. Often the group exercise (class/sports etc) is irrelevant to the social side.

Its an Irish quirk- the "craic" does exist you just need to know how to become part of it.

Dont go out on a Friday nioght and try to become poart of a group- you'll just come across as a weirdo

Ha! Yes, not only do I understand what you mean but it perfectly confirms what I thought and felt about the whole pub thing. I forgot to mention that I was advised to go to the pub on my own by non-Irish people. Joining a social group.. I'd have yet to find something that I'd want to join. I suck at all sports (poor stamina and reflexes) except drunken football (best sport ever) and... I don't know what else I'd be interested in. I guess I'd need to research that a bit.

However I've done similar things before and while it would undoubtedly satisfy a need for a seeming of social life, I'm afraid it won't satisfy my desire for a more.. I guess we can say 'intimate' kind of friendships. I.e. you can play tennis with a bunch of people and have fun and go for a beer but it rarely transforms into the kind of friends that you would call or get to really know each other, you know. When you do judo with a group of people for like 2 hours a week it's hardly like when you spend your whole time at school from 8 am to 5 pm with a few friends or share a cubicle and a canteen table everyday with the same colleagues.

Not like any of these options are mutually exclusive, you can very well go to a cooking class and then chill with your BFFs, hehe, but I guess I have to give priority to the approaches that would yield the most satisfaction.

A_SN

Suzyq wrote: »

Hi there,

Why don't you check out this site and see if there are any groups that match your interests...

http://www.meetup.com/cities/ie/dublin/groups/?radius=50.0

Hope you get out and about soon.

Oh, great link! There's definitely a few of these I would perfectly fit in! Thanks a lot

Beruthiel wrote: »

Bienvienue a Irelande A SN

Keep an eye on this forum.
There's a singles mingle in a couple of weeks.

Boards has pretty regular meet ups and I've always enjoyed a night out with my fellow Boardsies. I'm sure there will be a big one before christmas too.
Other forums on this site also meet up for a drink.

btw
Where did you learn your english?

Thanks, I'll keep an eye on it .

And I learnt my English in France, in high school, hehe. I just have always been gifted for English (wish I could say the same about my Spanish), and as if it wasn't enough when I was 15 I started chatting on a very regular basis with American girls my age over the Internet, then started learning lyrics of American rap songs, watching CNN International, talking to more people on the Internet, watching all my shows in English, with subtitles, then without them. When you keep it up like this throughout your adolescence by the time you've watched every single episode of Blackadder and A Bit of Fry & Laurie three times the only thing that betrays your origins is your accent. And your moustache .

moridin

If you're interested in meeting other French people who may be / have been in the same boat as you it might be an idea to have a peek at http://www.french-friday.com/. It's a meetup thing that runs every now and then... next one is on Nov 30th

A_SN

moridin wrote: »

If you're interested in meeting other French people who may be / have been in the same boat as you it might be an idea to have a peek at http://www.french-friday.com/. It's a meetup thing that runs every now and then... next one is on Nov 30th

If I fled moved out of France it's not to spend more time with French people.

Hehe just kidding, I'd love to meet fellow French Dubliners (just had to look it up, I thought the inhabitants of Dublin were called Dublinites. I don't know, it had a nice ring to it :pac:)

Beruthiel

A_SN wrote: »

And I learnt my English in France, in high school, hehe. I just have always been gifted for English (wish I could say the same about my Spanish), and as if it wasn't enough when I was 15 I started chatting on a very regular basis with American girls my age over the Internet, then started learning lyrics of American rap songs, watching CNN International, talking to more people on the Internet, watching all my shows in English, with subtitles, then without them. When you keep it up like this throughout your adolescence by the time you've watched every single episode of Blackadder and A Bit of Fry & Laurie three times the only thing that betrays your origins is your accent. And your moustache .

I thought it wasn't just school. If you haven't seen Fr. Ted yet, put that on your list to watch.


I presume at this stage you've had a look at Alliance Francaise to see if there was anything of interest to you.
Or are you trying to avoid your fellow citizens?
/Edit, I see that you are

RuailleBuaille

Come and take my french housemate away please! She's here 8 years and has no friends, I'd love her to meet someone! Thanks to the person who mentioned French Friday, I'll tell her straight away!

JDLK

A_SN wrote: »

Ha! Yes, not only do I understand what you mean but it perfectly confirms what I thought and felt about the whole pub thing. I forgot to mention that I was advised to go to the pub on my own by non-Irish people. Joining a social group.. I'd have yet to find something that I'd want to join. I suck at all sports (poor stamina and reflexes) except drunken football (best sport ever) and... I don't know what else I'd be interested in. I guess I'd need to research that a bit.
However I've done similar things before and while it would undoubtedly satisfy a need for a seeming of social life, I'm afraid it won't satisfy my desire for a more.. I guess we can say 'intimate' kind of friendships. I.e. you can play tennis with a bunch of people and have fun and go for a beer but it rarely transforms into the kind of friends that you would call or get to really know each other, you know. When you do judo with a group of people for like 2 hours a week it's hardly like when you spend your whole time at school from 8 am to 5 pm with a few friends or share a cubicle and a canteen table everyday with the same colleagues.
Not like any of these options are mutually exclusive, you can very well go to a cooking class and then chill with your BFFs, hehe, but I guess I have to give priority to the approaches that would yield the most satisfaction.

Get out of that!! You're a 22 year old bloke, you need to be out with the lads having a laugh, ripping the piss out of each other, chasing women. If you want intimate friendships then focus on the women cos I dont think you'll find them among Irish lads. I have some great mates, known them since I was a kid but I still wouldnt call them 'intimate' we dont talk about our feelings or anything, maybe if one of the lads relations died we'd say something like "sorry for your troubles"- but in my experience thats about as intimate as Irish lads get with each other

I might get savaged by the more 'sensitive' male posters here who do have these kind of friendships but generally in my experience you'd be slagged rotten if you ever went on like that with the lads. Not that we dont care about our mates its just Irish lads dont show it. There is an upshot to it though, the banter is 90!!

You've been out of the loop too long- you need to get back out with the lads quick

EDIT: I have heard lads saying stuff like "you're my best mate" to other lads and hugging them- but thats usually after a skip full of porter, or if Ireland score a goal