Stuck

buttercup21

Ok so I caught my husband cheating, he left and we've been "separated" for a while now - couple of months really. Things got from bad to worse and all we did was argue over the phone. I met someone else, he's seeing someone else and now we're off to court to settle the outstanding issues.

Thats it in a nut shell, but coming up to christmas, I was hoping have things on a friendly basis - even though court is in January, just that its our first christmas apart, and that families are fighting. I've managed to get over everything but cant imagine not being friends with him.

Yes I'm happy in my new relationship but still care a lot about my ex, he's been with me for over 4 years and now since its ended everything is so bitter and ugly. I really want to creat peace but ex not having any of it. He left me, begged to be friends (asked me to marry him a week after I found out about the affair) chased me when I needed time to get over the ordeal and now he wants to wait till court is over. OMG what is wrong with me? I know the best thing to do is to let it go but why cant I get him out of my head?

Storm_rages

I don't think there is anything wrong with you buttercup. (big hug)

You just need time, and you can't do anything about your ex not wanting to be friends with. Christmas is a very hard time for a lot of people and saddly it does not white wash over all of lives problems, so you may have to forget about the "perfect" chirstmas where exs and new friends all get on for a couple of years.


Give it time, and try to have the best christmas you can without him.

paddy1mac

A couple of things jump out at me on reading this.

The main one is that even though you have only just separated you are already in another relationship.


Surely this is too soon, ok he had an affair but is this new man a way of getting back at your husband. You obviously still have deep feelings for him and maybe you should have allowed yourself more time to sort your head out.

The other is are you married because you say that you caught him cheating and he then asked to marry you a week later - how long were you married - a bit confused with the timeline

As regards Christmas - it's only one day - so dont let that bother you - go away for a few days if you have to.

Something similar happened me - only she had the affair.

Coming up to our 1st xmas apart she asked that I move in on xmas eve and do all the xmas stuff - we have 2 kids - and stay over and go off again on xmas day.

I agreed and what a nightmare it turned out - arguments flared up over the dinner - totally ruined the day for the kids.

Now i go up on xmas eve, go home when kids are settled and go back up next morning, stay for an hour and collect the 2 again for dinner in my mams and they stay with me for the day and it works - no arguments etc.

As for your own situation - have a long hard think about what you really want - imo it's too soon to be in a new relationship.

Arguments will solve nothing - you have to remain friends with your ex - and by that i meam being civil etc, sort out what has to be sorted - house, maintenance etc.

Be calm during the court case. You will hear things in this that you dont want to hear - but so will he - it's the judges job to decide on these matters and his deisions are usually fair.

Next xmas this will all be distant memory and things will be back to normal.