Yet Another 'Friend' Thread...sorry but I cant get my head around this!

LegacyUser

Right, regular poster going unreg here...


Basically, in first year of college I met this guy totally randomly. Dsicovered we were from the same village, doing the same subjects in college, really hit it off, and had never met before.
I kinda fancied him a bit at the start, but assumed that he just wanted to be friends, and as I didnt think it was right to continue to have feelings for him, I just decided to get over it so that I could have a proper friendship with him.
One night, over 6 months ago, on a rare occasion he and I were out alone together, we had a brilliant night, great laugh etc....but he kept saying 'i shouldnt even be takling to you, you've got a boyfriend'.
So I thought...riiiiight, maybe I was wrong about him....,but then thought better of it, and put it down to drunken chit chat.
Friendship continues as normal.

Skip ahead two months, everythings grand, and I get a text message from him out of the blue saying that he's liked me for ages, and would I like to go out with him sometime.
Now I was TOTALLY blindsighted by this, and I was busy when I got this text, so I rang him straightaway and said 'err....do you know what you just sent me? Did you mean to send it?'

(Not the best way to handle the situation, but I was totally gobsmacked, he's such a shy lad like, I didnt expect anything like that out of the blue. Also, I wanted to ring to make sure it was him who had the phone, as his flatmates have a habit of sending random drunken nonsensical messages off his phone...stuff along the lines of 'aren't tomatoes great', and so on, i rang to make sure this wasnt the case).

So his reply to both questions was yes, and I said okay, and that I was busy at the moment, but I would ring him back in an hour when I was free.
45 minutes later I get a text message from him saying 'Oh my friends were messing with my phone, did you get any weird messages'

So I rang him after the hour and explained...I didnt say how I felt about it because as soon as I asked him, he denied sending it, he said his flatmates sent it, and said that he wasnt talking to me on the phone at all. Now I am SURE that it was him I was talking to on the phone, but anyway.

So I said 'grand grand' and we just moved on. So things were very awkward for a while, he kept avoiding meeting me, I brought it to his attention after about a month, and he agreed it was awkward, and we agreed to forget about it.

Since then, it seems he still avoids me. We text a lot but rarely meet in person anymore.

I just dont know what to make of it.
I've started liking him again since, and I'm trying to get my head aorund it and analyse it from different angles, and in a nutshell, there are 2 basic conclusions:

1. He did like me, but because of my initial response (which seemed negative), he decided to make up an excuse to avoid the percieved rejection and the embarassment. (this idea is based around the fact that he is a very shy lad). My friends think this is the case also, but I am apprehensive about their point of view because they dont know him that well, and also, you're friends want to protect you and boost your confidence.

2. He didnt like me, it happened just like he said, and maybe he is aware that I like him, and is trying to avoid me in order to escape the awkwardness. (this is the more likely option, then again, I have very low self esteem...)

Anyways the whole situation is driving me nuts and I want to know where I stand....but I dont want to ruin the friendship by asking him...but seeing as he seems to be avoiding me anyway, what have I got to lose?

I don't know. I'm so confused.

Any advice would be HUGELY appreciated.


Sorry this was so long by the way, but it's complicated and it felt great to get it off my chest!

Silverfish

Well, if he's avoiding you, and you're only communicating by text, you've nothing to lose by telling him how you feel.

Life's too short.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think it's option one.

Think about it, shy guy, goes out on a limb and you say you'll call him back. If that was me I'd be expecting a "love you as a friend" conversation which I would literally do anything to avoid.

Why would he be awkward with you after if it were in fact his mates pranking?(this confirms it for me) And although some mates might send the text it would be very few that would follow up with a confirmation on the phone.

It is however ludicous that he'd expect to get away with it.

I reckon just tell him but do it face to face. He sounds like Mark out of Peep Show and I'd be afraid that if you email/phone/text he might actually keep up the pretence even if it means missing out on someone he likes.

Maybe start out by discussing why he's been awkward with you. Tell him you like him and you understand it seemed as if you weren't interested but would like to give it a go.

Finally about the risk of ruining a friendship . . .Seriously, it's not a friendship with this elephant in the room, you've nothing to lose.

pow wow

Agree with Silverfish. How about you ask him out? Worst case he says no and then avoids you as much as he does now because he feels awkward for a different reason. Life is short and boys are silly sometimes.

libby22

Yep i agree also, if you dont do something about it now you'l always wonder & might seriously regret it some day

~nop~

Tell him definately! Even just mention the time his friends pretended to ask you out, and say it's a shame because you might have said yes. The poor guys probably tormenting himself about it!

carlowguy32

do'nt do the dirt on your poor boy friend or else break up with you b/f before you ask him out, its not nice being 2 timed

That Girl..

I definitely think its option 1..

Like you said, he's shy so he's probly tryin to cover his tracks..

LegacyUser

carlowguy32 wrote: »

do'nt do the dirt on your poor boy friend or else break up with you b/f before you ask him out, its not nice being 2 timed

OP here, I'm single and have been for months, broke up with that boyfriend ages ago, should ave made that clearer in my main post, sorry!

InReality

I'd say 97.3% its option 1.
the hour or so gap gave him a chance to freak out and decide to save some face.
texting and so on has his positives but leads to such negatives too !

Feeonaw

Aw! This is the cutest story ever! Sounds like you both like each other and things got a little bit messed up...possibly cos you're a bit shy yourself!

If you already have a boyfriend you should have a serious think about whether you're ready to break up with him just to be with this other guy. You need to be 100% sure it's a good idea. If you are thinking about getting with someone else, then it's likely that you're either not happy in your current relationship for some reason. Then again, it might be worth staying with your current boyfriend and working things out with him.

If you do decide to move on - then the green light for your potential new fella will be when you let him know you're single again. That's all you have to say (maybe follow that with closed eyes & puckered lips! haha!) He took a brave step the last time. Now it's your turn...but you might have to make it a bit more obvious that you're serious. Say it in person, that way there's no confusion!

Drodan

Having been "that guy" in my own situation, he probably does really like you and is beating himself up about how he told you. If you want to find out, you have to take the initiative, he won't be able to talk to you about it.

Silverfish

Feeonaw wrote: »

If you are thinking about getting with someone else, then it's likely that you're either not happy in your current relationship for some reason. Then again, it might be worth staying with your current boyfriend and working things out with him.

She doesn't have a boyfriend.

daveharnett

Jump him.

Clearly you both want it to happen, so just go make it happen.