my cousins not talking to me anymore and i dont know why

LegacyUser

My cousins the kind of person that when she is in a bad mood/ stressed its EVERYONE elses fault and she always takes her temper out on others. Her and i are taking a course together, and i was getting lifts up with her.She is 21 and i am 23. The last month shes been increasnly off with me.

Few times she ignored my messages asking what time she was collecting me for collage etc,those times i got taxis up and she claimed she never got the messages.

One night i text her asking was she going into collage and she sent back a torrent of abuse basically "shes stressed outta her eyeballs and to **** off and make my own way up cos shes enough on her plate"(she later apoligised for this)

Then last week there were a few incidents where she was ignoring my messages again,and at one point drove off on me as i was walking up to the car,i was very cold with her that day as she saw me coming up cos she walked out of her house ,looked down at me, then got in and drove off.When i got home from college she sent a pile of message saying i was stuck and and ignored her in class all day, i just replied back "No more than what youve been doing to me latley"

So ive arranged to get lifts off another girl in college instead(cos i couldnt reley on her for lifts),Over the weekend i text my cousin and asked her "Are we ok", i got back "Drop dead".

Last 3 days in the course shes totally ignoring me and one of the other girls said she heard her slagging me off to the woman she sits with. Even today i was outside on a bench with some of the girls chatting, she came out with her friends, and she said out(very loud) "No lets go into town for luch i dont want to be near her"

I have no idea what her problem is, shes throwning me looks in class, wont even talk to me(and i have tried to sort it)

I just dont know what to do!

Beruthiel

She would appear to have a problem with you, the only why you are going to find out what it is, is by asking her.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

She would appear to have a problem with you, the only why you are going to find out what it is, is by asking her.

Believe me ive tried, if i text her and ask her its ignored, if i call her she cancels my calls. If i try to talk to her in the course she just says" why do i hear a buzzing around me, must be a bug" and walks off.

Reading back over my 1st post , it looks like a 15 year olds problem in school it really does:(

My heads wreaked with all this, shes acting like 1 15 year old child!

SpookyDoll

Just playing devils advocate here....

It would seem to centre around the lift issue or at least to have been triggered by that.

When she gives you lifts are you on time and ready, are you appropriately grateful, do you offer to pitch in for petrol...

You do seem a tiny bit thick skinned, as in she has been in her own way trying to express to you frustration at having to ferry you around, are you a dependant type of person.

Could it be when she is really stressed you are kind of insenitive and a bit needy yourself...

Im only speculating of course but if I was you I would try to read between the lines here, and look into your own behaviour, you mention she was ignoring your messages but you were still "walking twords the car"

Is there any chance you are just driving her nuts giving her no space...?

p-flaps

@ op

is there any chance your just an annoying person and shes sick of putting up with you? sounds like you both hate each other now.

LegacyUser

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Just playing devils advocate here....

It would seem to centre around the lift issue or at least to have been triggered by that.

When she gives you lifts are you on time and ready, are you appropriately grateful, do you offer to pitch in for petrol...

Always on time and always ready, the course is a few miles away and i walked across town to her house for the lift.

SpookyDoll wrote: »

You do seem a tiny bit thick skinned, as in she has been in her own way trying to express to you frustration at having to ferry you around, are you a dependant type of person.

She offered the lift to me when we started, she brings 2 other girls in the car too and i was the only one who gave her petrol money , so why the anger at me?

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Could it be when she is really stressed you are kind of insenitive and a bit needy yourself...

Sine when is asking her is she going in to the course being insensitive and needy?

SpookyDoll wrote: »

look into your own behaviour, you mention she was ignoring your messages but you were still "walking twords the car"...

This is one of the days she didnt ignore my messages and text me the night before saying she was going in and to be over in the morning.

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Is there any chance you are just driving her nuts giving her no space...?

No seen as I hardly see her outside the course.

LillyVanilli

As said before, do you pay your pay and chip in for petrol? If not, I would call over to her, and talk about it. Its unfair if you dont. Stop texting, and speak to her face to face or at least on the phone.

SpookyDoll

Sine when is asking her is she going in to the course being insensitive and needy?

Its not, dont worry I was only speculating.....if all is as you say then she does sound nuts.

I have an ex friend like this, she would ask me up to her house on the way home from work, sometimes it was inconvenient for me to go but I would anyway, when I'd get there she would be out or once in the local with her work mates, she told me to come in and join them and then ignored me when I got there as if I was a stalker.

Thing was she is very insecure and has made a mess of most friend relationships in her life and wanted to seem "in demand" and treid to manipulate the situation to make it seem I was desperate for her company.

Well needless to say she got short shrift from me and later a few other people I know reported going through the same thing.

Its hurtful and hard not to take personally, she may just be a neurotic that is taking out on you.

Hard to do but try to ignore her.....argh!

LegacyUser

Ruby2Shoes wrote: »

As said before, do you pay your pay and chip in for petrol? If not, I would call over to her, and talk about it. Its unfair if you dont. Stop texting, and speak to her face to face or at least on the phone.

As ive said before i was the only person she gave lifts to who gave her petrol money

And as ive also said before ive tried to talk face to face and shes just starts talking away and walking off, and ive said already ive been calling her and shes ignoring my messages

LegacyUser

p-flaps wrote: »

@ op

is there any chance your just an annoying person and shes sick of putting up with you? sounds like you both hate each other now.

First of all i dont hate her, and i never said i did, and i hope it dosnt sound like i do

Second - Please read all my posts not just the first one, I dont think im annoying, I have a lot of friends and i was always there for her anytime she had a problem and needed to talk. I was the only one to offer her petrol money out of all the people she gave lifts to(i know this as she was complaining i was the only one who was grathful)

If she was sick of putting up with me i wish she had just told me, because she is acting like a child in a playground.

marti101

I think shes the one with the problems,just dont bother with her and get on with your life.I think its unfair for everybody to jump on the op its the cousin who seems like shes 10.

OP, stop feeding the drama and ignore her. Completely. stop paying this crap any attention and wait for her to grow up and cop on.
That's about all you can do because it just sounds like attention whoring.
If she had any real issue with it and had any interest whatsoever in resolving it she wouldn't be acting like this.
Don't text, don't call, don't speak, don't react to the deliberately loud bitching.


good luck

Bottle_of_Smoke

Haven't been getting on with oen of my friends the past few months, she's often said "are we okay" I can tell you it's the most infuriating thing in the world. Like some sort of "lets brush everything under the carpet" reach out.

I'm suspicious there's a lot you're not telling us, or maybe don't realise about yourself.

Try (look very hard) to see if there's anything you're doing that could be perceived as selfish behaviour by her.

Could she think you only have time for her when you need favours like lifts etc?
Have you ignored her a bit other than lifts in the past?

Anything about you that could be pissing her off?

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Haven't been getting on with oen of my friends the past few months, she's often said "are we okay" I can tell you it's the most infuriating thing in the world. Like some sort of "lets brush everything under the carpet" reach out.

I asked her that once because i was not sure what was going on, it sounded better than saying "whats your problem"

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I'm suspicious there's a lot you're not telling us, or maybe don't realise about yourself.

Like what? I have told everything as it is im not hiding anything

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Try (look very hard) to see if there's anything you're doing that could be perceived as selfish behaviour by her. .

well i accepted her apology when she abused me for asking was she going in to collage
i was the only one to give her money for petrol when no one else was
oh and i took her little boy for the day when she wanted to go off and meet a guy she was dating

But i dont see that as selfish, ive done nothing but be nioce to her and im sorry if that sounds untruthful but its not.

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Could she think you only have time for her when you need favours like lifts etc?
Have you ignored her a bit other than lifts in the past?

Anything about you that could be pissing her off?

Ive done more favours for her than she has done for me, I never ignored her she sat with me in the course, we went shopping after it a few times, she text me upset when her bf dumped her.

..........................

Doesnt matter anyway, I called to her house a while ago bacause i wanted to sort it. She answered the door and i asked "Can we talk", she just said " I dont think so" and closed the door in my face.

Thats that so!!!:(

speaktofrank

Just ignore her completely, cut her out of your life altogether.
She will eventually come crawling back. If not no loss to you.

Bottle_of_Smoke

COUSINPISSED wrote: »

I asked her that once because i was not sure what was going on, it sounded better than saying "whats your problem"



Like what? I have told everything as it is im not hiding anything



well i accepted her apology when she abused me for asking was she going in to collage
i was the only one to give her money for petrol when no one else was
oh and i took her little boy for the day when she wanted to go off and meet a guy she was dating

But i dont see that as selfish, ive done nothing but be nioce to her and im sorry if that sounds untruthful but its not.



Ive done more favours for her than she has done for me, I never ignored her she sat with me in the course, we went shopping after it a few times, she text me upset when her bf dumped her.

..........................

Doesnt matter anyway, I called to her house a while ago bacause i wanted to sort it. She answered the door and i asked "Can we talk", she just said " I dont think so" and closed the door in my face.

Thats that so!!!:(

If that's the case then just leave it. You have my sympathies, I missed first time round that you gave her petrol money.

Were you previously mates, what was relationship like before goign to college?

jane86

You tried to talk to her but she slammed the door in your face! Ignore her and maybe she will cop herself on.

tbh

you say "I'm sorry that you obviously are annoyed with me, because we're family and I value your friendship. If you'd like to talk to me and let me know what the problem is, I'm sure we can work it out. If not, I think it's best we stay out of each others way for a while.".

LegacyUser

To be honest, she sounds like a bully.

She had power over you in relation to giving you lifts, which she would use and abuse when it suited her. She may have taken it as a slight when you went off and got lifts from somebody else as her power was gone.

Just ignore her. If you don't talk to her outside of college, why talk to her in college? You tried, she slammed the door in your face.

LillyVanilli

COUSINPISSED wrote: »

As ive said before i was the only person she gave lifts to who gave her petrol money

And as ive also said before ive tried to talk face to face and shes just starts talking away and walking off, and ive said already ive been calling her and shes ignoring my messages

Hi, I had replied before your responses showed up. Sorry if it sounded snotty. You hadnt said those things when I replied.

littlebug

It sounds to me like there's more going on here that the lift issue. You haven't unwittingly snogged an ex boyfriend of hers or anything have you? Could you have said anything about her to someone else which may have got a warped version repeated back to her?

bada_bing

as much as you would like to know why your cousin is acting the way she is, i can't understand why you are allowing her to treat you like this. If she's not going to explain what the problem is then don't waste any time with her. I can't understand why you're putting up with all the abuse from her.
I think she is treating you this way cos she knows she can get away it.

SpookyDoll

^^ Yep, I am thinking that too.

I reckon she might be acting this way with you in particular, because you are her cousin and she thinks she can get away with it with you wheras others might not accept it, sounds a bit like a "street angel, house devil" sort of person.

From what I've read so far, you sound a decent, thoughtful person so I think all you can do at this stage is what tbh said. Cut her loose and try not to let it get to you, she will no doubt bad mouth you to others but I'll bet once she has not got you to bully any more she will start on someone else and show her true colours.

RedPlanet

Maybe she doesn't want to give you lifts and this is her immature way of fobbing you off.

tbh

RedPlanet wrote: »

Maybe she doesn't want to give you lifts and this is her immature way of fobbing you off.

I'd say this is the root of it alright. I've met people like this before, they have a slight problem and it just builds and builds through arguments they have with you in their head. She probably felt a bit taken for granted and then started thinking about it, and thinking about all the things she'd say if a confrontation arose. The problem is that the brain doesn't really make a difference sometimes between actual conversations, and conversations we have with people in our heads. So, while the OP is only barely aware of a small problem that could be easily sorted, the cousin, through her passive-aggressiveness, has been having a feud with her for some time. That's why I reckon you should say what I suggested - it's reasonable and logical, and it may serve to reboot her. If it doesn't, there's nothing you can do, so why subject yourself to the hassle?

codeblack

I know a lot of you think that there must be more going on to make the op's cousin behave like this but there are people who are really that immature and dont need much reason to act like that.
To the OP you have done all you can do, you have tried several times to sort this out. I sympathise with you as i know how difficult this situation can be. You dont deserve the treatment she is giving you. She is acting extremely immaturely. To repeat what has been said already let her off. DO NOT TRY anymore, she seems to enjoy digging the knife in deeper, saying rude things to you when you try to talk to her in college, texting you to drop dead!!, slamming the door in your face!! Shes trying to make you think you have done something wrong when in fact its her who has the problem. I mean the girl drove off on you when she knew you were going to her house for a lift!! Thats an awful, terrible way to treat someone and you shouldnt allow her to treat you that way anymore!
Just get on with your life, go out with the friends you have made in college, dont let this bother you for one more second, once she realises you're not going to be her emotional punching bag anymore she probably come crawling back with apologies... And if she doesnt that her loss and her problem.
I wish you luck OP and soon you'll look back on this and wonder how you put up with it for so long.

LegacyUser

This is the OP.

Just letting you know i cornered her today and demanded to know what was going on.

She said a month ago after an exam we had we were outside chatting. We got our results straight away and she passed and i failed. I was joking around and said "How come you passed and i failed your hardly ever in" and she laughed and said "Just luck i guess"

Now she is saying that me saying the "Your never in and you passed" thing was my way of called her stupid and suggesting she cheated.

Now i never even mentioned the words stupid or cheating so i dont know where she is getting that idea from, when i said this to her she just said"I will not be made feel stupid by you again" and stormed off

Now tbh im done with this crap- Im sorry but this is a total overreaction on her part, she was laughing when id said it as a few of us had failed and we were outside joking around!

useful_contacts

COUSINPISSED wrote: »

This is the OP.

Just letting you know i cornered her today and demanded to know what was going on.

She said a month ago after an exam we had we were outside chatting. We got our results straight away and she passed and i failed. I was joking around and said "How come you passed and i failed your hardly ever in" and she laughed and said "Just luck i guess"

Now she is saying that me saying the "Your never in and you passed" thing was my way of called her stupid and suggesting she cheated.

Now i never even mentioned the words stupid or cheating so i dont know where she is getting that idea from, when i said this to her she just said"I will not be made feel stupid by you again" and stormed off

Now tbh im done with this crap- Im sorry but this is a total overreaction on her part, she was laughing when id said it as a few of us had failed and we were outside joking around!

All this because she "thinks" you called her stupid? GOD WHAT A CHILD!:mad:

jane86

At least now you know what her "problem" with you is. :rolleyes: How immature of her.