Wednesday Quickums

rocky25

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand.

Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers,

"What is this?"

The first lawyer replies,

"It's the $100 I owe you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.

Little Sheila said,

"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"

Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked,

"What did you say?!"

"A prostitute!" Sheila exclaimed.

Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said

"Whew! Thank God!

I thought you said 'A Protestant'!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?

One of his fingers is clean.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said,

"I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife.

"Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said.

"Now turn all the way around.

Lie down please.

Uh-huh, I see.

Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside.

"You're in perfect health," he said.

"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently, terrorists drink so much Irish Stout that the Taliban are changing the countries name to AfGuinnesstan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man.

It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth.

"It looks real enough to talk," says one.

"Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue asks it its name.

No answer.

"How old are you?"

No answer.

Finally. One shouts out,

"What is the square root of 64?"

Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rise onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin.

Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice,

"Eight."

"Of course!” says the scientist,

"It only stands to reason."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said,

"I've lost my grandpa"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied,

"Jack Daniels and women with big tits."

coldfire1x

One of his fingers is clean

:eek: And there was me thinking one used their penis to have sex? :eek::D