I'm insanely jealous help me!!!

legal-eagle

I'm a covert jealous nut! I actually hide it well but its very much in my head. I have a gf who does love me, i love her yet (going out for nearly 2 years) i cant help but think she fancies my best friend, her male friends, some guy she looks at for more than a nanosecond etc etc she is very attractive but doesnt act like a diva at all or very flirty in front of me which is why it shouldnt bother me at all, ive had a very normal childhood so its not some underlying issue i think.

People know me as a very confident person but im really a sad jealous person, why im i like this? why do i think she is mad for fellas when im not there? she went away with her friend recently who is single i cant help but think they are with guys every night. I cant bear her talking to guy when she is out without me, I dont want too feel this way but it is eating me up inside, I wind myself up so badly that I wish she didnt have male friends at all.....the smallest things turn into the biggest things in my head.

Some one please tell me they have felt the same way at some stage before


P.S. Is it because i feel she is way too good for me that i have these feelings?

marelz2

The best thing what you can do is go and talk to her about all of this, and tell her what do you feel! If you will keep everything in your head someday it will "explode"! I had that kind of experience once!

mickyt

I used to be like that too chief.. with my ex.. I thought she fancied all my best mates and all the guys she chatted with.

I too didn't mention it to her.. because I know, and I am sure you do that its just not true.. she loves you mate, and you need to have more trust and faith in your relation ship..

Everyone gets jealous from time to time, but to have so lilttle faith and trust in your Girlfriend should be the main issue.

If she has been nothing but loyal and caring towards you, then she might not act too kindly to you telling her that you picture her being off with other guys on her night out...

I just got past my jealousy. I know thats not great advice or give you anything to go on, but I just sat down one day, realised... she texts me when she is home safe. she might text me saying good night, if im not out and heading to bed.

This girl thinks of me when she is out.. surely that should make you feel a bit better in the knowledge.

can't say it is going to be easy, but you need to try

ziedth

I have a feeling that a simple "Dont be jealous" reply from me wont work at all. It's prob just in your genes so to speak.

I would agree with marelz2 if you don't try to address this some night when your drunk or tired she's going to look at some guy the "wrong" way and your going to hit the roof and prob loose the relationship.

I'm not by nature a jealous person, I would prob explain to your OH that how you deep down feel and say its just cause you love her so much etc but are doing your best to get a handle on it. for the love of god DO NOT say to her to stop talking to guys or look at guys. opens a c can of serious worms IMO.

Where you ever cheated on before? It might well stem from that, My guess would to try and project yourself into the situation that she is would you cheat on her if you where with a single mate? or with your female friends?

Prob not you are with this girl for 2 years so you are prob alot alike.

Best of luck

tbh

legal-eagle wrote: »

P.S. Is it because i feel she is way too good for me that i have these feelings?

I would suggest that it's because you feel you're not good enough for her that could be the problem, subtle difference there - in that the problem will follow you around. Or it could be down to control issues, or childhood issues. This is obviously a problem for you in that it's affecting your enjoyment of your life - so do what you would do with any other issue that's affecting your enjoyment of your life, and have a chat with your doc.

SpiderPiglet

That's a tough one. My other half has a jealous side, it's not that bad and he's never controlling, but once I caught him checking my phone and I went mental; I was furious that he could invade my personal space.
We had a long chat and worked out that it all seemed to come from a previous relationship he had, his ex constantly cheated on him.
He knew I never would, but occasionally he got paranoid and would check my phone.

After the talk he seems much happier, so I would suggest you talk to your gf before you do something stupid like my fella did and check her phone, cause trust me, she will not be pleased.

Perhaps it's the same with you ? Has an ex ever cheated on you, or given you reason to suspect she may have cheated ?

LegacyUser

hey im like you man, i am seriously jealous to the point where my other half would be out with her friends in a club and i wouldnt be able to sleep with all sorts of things running through my head, its not good for you and certainly not her. it would wear me out. im seeing a counsellor right now and i have to say im 27 now and i should have done this years ago, its made me see things in a whole new light, ive fecked up so many relationships over this.

there is no shame in talking to someone about this.

Curlypinkie

1. Do you love yourself?
2. Do you believe in yourself?
3. Do you trust yourself?

If you're answered any of the above questions with a no, therein lies your problem. If all the above are yes then you shouldn't feel jealous. You should be wary of going into a relationship without having sorted out the above issues. Work on them and all will be fine.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Curlypinkie wrote: »

1. Do you love yourself?
2. Do you believe in yourself?
3. Do you trust yourself?

If you're answered any of the above questions with a no, therein lies your problem. If all the above are yes then you shouldn't feel jealous. You should be wary of going into a relationship without having sorted out the above issues. Work on them and all will be fine.

Don't agree, that's far too simplistic/pop-psychologyesque. Jeaslouy is obviously genetic, I don't know any guys who don't get jealous over women but I know plenty who can answer the above with a yes.

Anyway OP it's good you hide it, don't ever tell your girlfriend or it will become an issue and she might think less of you. Posting here will probably help you a lot. Talk to a mate about it, though a mate who doesn't come into contact with your girlfriend. Tell a psychologist would be best. If you talk out your thoughts you'll feel a lot better. When you keep them in your head illogical thoughts can seem logical, when you actually hear them out loud you see the truth.

Beruthiel

legal-eagle wrote: »

Is it because i feel she is way too good for me that i have these feelings?

Yes.
You say you are self confident, however, the above comment suggests you have low self esteem.
If you considered yourself to be a great catch and your g/f is lucky to be with you these feelings would go away.
Sort that out.

LegacyUser

legal-eagle wrote: »

I'm a covert jealous nut! I actually hide it well but its very much in my head. I have a gf who does love me, i love her yet (going out for nearly 2 years) i cant help but think she fancies my best friend, her male friends, some guy she looks at for more than a nanosecond etc etc she is very attractive but doesnt act like a diva at all or very flirty in front of me which is why it shouldnt bother me at all, ive had a very normal childhood so its not some underlying issue i think.

People know me as a very confident person but im really a sad jealous person, why im i like this? why do i think she is mad for fellas when im not there? she went away with her friend recently who is single i cant help but think they are with guys every night. I cant bear her talking to guy when she is out without me, I dont want too feel this way but it is eating me up inside, I wind myself up so badly that I wish she didnt have male friends at all.....the smallest things turn into the biggest things in my head.

Some one please tell me they have felt the same way at some stage before


P.S. Is it because i feel she is way too good for me that i have these feelings?

Jealousy is really all about control. Think about it, I bet when you are thinking about your girlfriend with other guys, you are feeling out of control and helpless. All the reassuring from your girlfriend will not solve your problem. This worked for me when I was in a similar situation, play out the worst case scenario, your girlfriend cheats on you, your heart is broken, but then you get over it and move on. It may not happen but unless you come to the realisation that whether it happens or not is totally out of your control and worrying about it will not change the outcome, you will keep going around in circles with every relationship. Basically, until you trust in your ability to be able to deal with it should it happen, you can never really trust anyone. Let it go man, if she is the right girl for you, she won't cheat.

Sofaspud

I don't understand this type of jealousy. If she wanted to be with other people she wouldn't be with you. If you see her looking at or chatting to other guys, so what? She's going home with you, because that's who she wants to be with.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Sofaspud wrote: »

I don't understand this type of jealousy. If she wanted to be with other people she wouldn't be with you. If you see her looking at or chatting to other guys, so what? She's going home with you, because that's who she wants to be with.

I used to pretend to myself I believed that. Jealousy's more a feeling like anger than an illogical conclusion.

JUSTaCURIOCITY

someone told me that jeleousy is a symptom of lack of trust. But i think a small doze is healthy

Kimono-Girl

i understand where you are coming from completely my boyfriend used be like that at first he still is a bit, when we met about 99.9% of my friends are male, i have three best friends all male, and one of which is more like a brother to me,its at the point i wouldnt think twice about hugging them. but this made my boyfriend really unconfortable, i got him to open up about it to me and i think talking has really helped, im more concious of his feelings when im around the guys now and the guys are guys, it makes no differance to them so they dont feel im being more distant, i encouraged my boyfriend to make more female friends too and to see his female friends more so he could understand that me and the lads are just the same as him with his female friends, and its worked it took the two of us making little steps to help things be better but i find talking about it helped most, and when he does say " i feel jealous" i just re-assure him its him and only him i want to be with (its the truth anyway), after all a little re-assurance is what we all need from time to time.