Everyone knows everyone and it's driving me nuts

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I was in a very bad situation for a number of weeks last year where I was tormented and bullied by some of my "friends".
I ended up giving them a taste of their own medicine and treated them the same horrible way they treated me. They told anyone who would listen about it and made it all out to be me who started it all.

I had to make a lot of changes in my life to put all this behind me.
I got a job in an area where I thought no-one knew me.
One of my co-workers is the office snitch and not nice to work with but on a personal level he seemed fine.
I overheard a conversation last week between him and another colleague. It turns out he made friends with one of my old "friends" a number of months ago (they met at the gym and go for workouts 3 times a week) and has been told all about what happened. He was discussing it with my other colleague. As they do not kno my side of the story they have only heard the twisted version and think I am nuts. I feel absolutely awful. I thought I had left all the gossiping and "did you hear what she did" behind me, but because it is such a small world it continues. The worst part is that neither of my colleagues know I heard them so I can't even put my side across. I have nothing in common with either of them and there is no actual friendship between me and them, although they are friends with each other.

Basically I am upset because something I worked so hard to put behind me is now coming back to haunt me.

I am sorry I cannot go into more specific detail about this but I have learned the hard way about how small the world is so I don't want anyone reading this and knowing it is me.

Kirnsy

explain to the other guy ( not the snitch) that you happened to overhear what the lad was saying about you and seize the opportunity to set the matter straight in a calm and genuine manner.

crazzzzy

Have you made any friends at work yet? You could tell your side of the story before the gossip makes it around the office. I think you should speak to the two people you overheard....you are only defending yourself against rumours that aint true. Explain what happened....the 'snitch' may not believe you if he's mates with the bullies but do you really need a friend like that?

You can't keep running away from this so better to face it now & get on with your life.

Well done in standing up to the bullies :cool:

Bottle_of_Smoke

how bad was it what you did?

if you be yourself your proper reputation will shine through.

People don't trust people who talk about others behind their backs

LegacyUser

I cannot let on to anyone that I heard them.

I have nothing in common with either of them and they are friends whereas I am not friends with either of them-I have a purely professional relationship with them.

They are completely straight-laced and workaholics whereas I sort of think outside the box and have a more off-the-wall sense of humour so they think I am weird. After my ex-friends (who are real popular sort of people) telling them about what I did, they now think I am nuts.

Basically my ex-friends ganged up on me for weeks over really petty things and one day, one of them walked me back into a wall and stood over me to intimidate me and kept pushing me. So I pushed him back. Then he kicked my dog, so I called the dog over to me to calm him down because the dog was agitated with all this going on.

Except their side of the story is that I got hysterical over a petty argument, attacked him, and called my dog over and threatened to set the dog on him. They don't tell anyone that I was only defending myself.

LegacyUser

Oh my god! are these people adults?? such childish behaviour. Confide in someone and tell your side of the story, it can't do any harm to have your side of the story spread in a rumour as well as the opposite side....

HouseHippo

sparksssss wrote: »

Hi all,
I was in a very bad situation for a number of weeks last year where I was tormented and bullied by some of my "friends".
I ended up giving them a taste of their own medicine and treated them the same horrible way they treated me. They told anyone who would listen about it and made it all out to be me who started it all.

I had to make a lot of changes in my life to put all this behind me.
I got a job in an area where I thought no-one knew me.
One of my co-workers is the office snitch and not nice to work with but on a personal level he seemed fine.
I overheard a conversation last week between him and another colleague. It turns out he made friends with one of my old "friends" a number of months ago (they met at the gym and go for workouts 3 times a week) and has been told all about what happened. He was discussing it with my other colleague. As they do not kno my side of the story they have only heard the twisted version and think I am nuts. I feel absolutely awful. I thought I had left all the gossiping and "did you hear what she did" behind me, but because it is such a small world it continues. The worst part is that neither of my colleagues know I heard them so I can't even put my side across. I have nothing in common with either of them and there is no actual friendship between me and them, although they are friends with each other.

Basically I am upset because something I worked so hard to put behind me is now coming back to haunt me.

I am sorry I cannot go into more specific detail about this but I have learned the hard way about how small the world is so I don't want anyone reading this and knowing it is me.

Wow this happened to me too. I hate living in such a small country.I just explained that what these people were saying wasn't true, that unless they hear it from the horses mouth it's a lie and make them feel guilty for believe rumours

crazzzzy

if these people aren't your friends then why let them get to you. im sure that people who know you won't believe that you attacked people for no reason.

I agree that you should get your side of the story out there though. its up to people to decide who to believe then. if they believe you would act so irrationally then you don't need them as friends.

Everyone has their own bit of weirdness....you probably think they're bit weird cause they're workaholics. They are only people you work with so don't let it get to you. Be yourself & ignore them.

St Bill

OP, it might just have been idle office gossip, don't assume that they now think you're nuts. That sort of assumption-making is not going to help you.
However do tell your colleague that you overheard him talking to someone else about something that had been a private matter for you, give him your side of the story to set things straight, and then tell him you would appreciate it if he didn't talk about it in the office because it was very upsetting for you. If he carries on gossiping, you can bring it to the attention of HR. Nobody deserves to work in a place where their private life is subject to daily gossip

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Home now from another long day in the office!
During the conversation I overheard, my co-workers also called me a "headcase" and said that they are amazed I would be intelligent enough to be able to train the dog to attack someone. Really hurtful stuff!

I cannot under any circumstances let them know I overheard them.
I was thinking of, the next time it ever comes up in conversation about fights with friends or something, mentioning about how I used to have friends that pushed me and made me defend myself. However I don't want to be giving the gossips more fuel. "Did you hear what she said earlier..." etc. My mother's advice is to act completely normal and nice so they think "would she really be the type to attack someone".

I am deeply ashamed of the fact I pushed someone but I was so mad at how they were bullying me. They told everyone we both knew that I had attacked one of them and threatened to set the dog on him and because there was 3 of them and only 1 of me it was their version that was heard most. Some people knew me well enough to know I would not push someone unless majorly upset and provoked but others were better friends with them and took their side. It was very hard for me having everyone I knew (including in the place I worked in at the time) knowing so much about my personal life.
I thought I had got away from all that with new job (in a company of 600 employees where I didn't know ANYONE) in a completely different town.

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sparksss wrote: »

I cannot under any circumstances let them know I overheard them.

what is with that?

why can't you let them know you overheard them saying things about you???

if i heard some one saying something about me i'd be straight over

just go up and say to them

" i overheard you talking about me...i would prefer if you didn't talk about me behind my back, if you want to know my side of the story ask me!"

you could also slip in "from first impressions i know that you're not the type of person who believes everything they hear" (just so they feel little, or like a heel, or stupid)

Hrududu

If you aren't friends with these two and your relationship is strictly professional then what do you care about what they think? I'd just go about work as normal, if the subject is ever raised then give your side. But other than that I'd ignore it. It sucks that these people believe an untrue version of events but really what can you do? If you tell them what really happened will they even believe you? The person they think is a headcase over the person they go to the gym with.

I know its easier said then done but ignore it.

BobTheBeat

Tinley Helpless Oxen wrote: »

what is with that?

why can't you let them know you overheard them saying things about you???

if i heard some one saying something about me i'd be straight over

just go up and say to them

" i overheard you talking about me...i would prefer if you didn't talk about me behind my back, if you want to know my side of the story ask me!"

you could also slip in "from first impressions i know that you're not the type of person who believes everything they hear" (just so they feel little, or like a heel, or stupid)

+1 . Nip it in the bud, and do it quickly. Approach the two people in question (non-confrontationally), tell them that you understand that they were talking about you behind your back (they wont know how you've heard it,so they will suspect each other). Explain that the story is a complete falsification, and that work is not a place to be discussing other peoples lives. Leave it at that.

If you hear anything else from either of them, take it to your supervisor. Seriously, its akin to workplace bullying, so they need to tread very carefully.

LegacyUser

Hi there, reading through boards (pass the time in work!) and saw this post. OP my heart goes out to you, I've been in exactly the same position myself where some "friends" turned on me in a similar fashion. Fast forward a year later, started a new job and one of my old "friends" was going out with some-one in the new job. What are the odds! As hard as it was not to say my side, I ignored it and didn't add fuel to the fire. i knew anything said in my defence would be seen as b!tching and I'd have come across as a total drama queen. I carried on as if nothing had happened and eventually it was no longer the office gossip. Bear in mind there was many a tearful evening when I got home from work!
It's typical of these kinds of people, they'll eventually turn on each other when there's no-one else there to bully. Just keep your head held high, keep mum and make other friends. It'll eventually get forgotten about and you'll be left with your pride and dignity intact - unlike any of the others involved