Two differnt people

LegacyUser

Right, this is probably going to sound a bit silly, but I feel like I'm two people when around others.

One part of me is a cool suave cheeky guy who winds up girls, is forward and gets what he wants.

The other is a bit of a dreamer who isn't really happy and is really a big softy who wants to settle down for a proper relationship and let go of the one night stands, wants to be by himself and not mix with people.

The thing is, I feel that without my first personality I can't get what I really want, but without it I can't really get anything at all.

I met a girl the other night and things went great and we ended up in bed but I wanted it to be more than that as I really like her, however this is where the problem appears. I was talking to her last night and she called me "twisted". This kind of hit me hard because I didn't understand what she meant, so I asked her to explain it, to which she said I'm two different people. I have never really had any issues with how I live before but after hearing this I'm starting to get worried because the more I think it over the more sense it makes.

I think what I have done is created an artificial personality when I was younger as a way to leave behind my past from which I was the loser and got bullied a lot. I seem to be using this new personality to try to get what I want, but the old one seems to be coming through sometimes (which isn't a bad thing because I liked who I was) but now I don't seem to be able to choose who I want to be, I randomly switch between them without even knowing and it's starting to worry me.

I really don't know if I should check this out or if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill...

Any feedback or advice on this really would be great.

LegacyUser

jesus know how you feel buddy, almost feels like you're describing me there in a lot of ways...

I wouldn't worry about getting it 'checked out' in terms of mental health/ schizophrenia etc...

Basically in this world we live in, image/surface seems to be very important. you have to accept that a certain degree of 'performance' is neccessary in social situations i think.

I dont really have the answer for you cos i think in many ways im in the same situation. despite what a lot of girls say, the sensitive nice guy is not attractive (from my experience) at least when they first meet you (it can come across as needy or whatever). so its a tough bind cos you wanna meet someone but you want them to like them for the real you (the nice guy), which most girls dont seem to go for. i reckon keep up your 'cheeky' image or whatever, but try and show a bit of your true self but be careful with it especially at the start! (im pretty much advising myself here wierd)

once you find the right person you'll find yourself opening up probably and it'll seem all very natural. and you'll probably discover that a lot of what you knew of her was a social face/pretence/other person or whatever you wanna call it.

basically, to conclude - you're not twisted, wierd or different. Or fake. I'd say a lot of people have felt a bit like this.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Aye, its only a self defence mechanism. And almost everybody puts up a mask of some sort or another... it just varies how much of a mask it is.
I'm similar... I keep the softy hidden til I know the person. People who only meet me assume I'm only concerned with sex and getting the leg over. True when I was single, but I'm very committed in a relationship.

Mirrors and illusions, my man! But its very common.