Lost my mojo

LegacyUser

I'm in my 30's, fit and healthy, not under any huge amounts of stress, am due to be married later next year, but for all intents and purposes myself and my other half have no sex life any more. It's difficult to explain. We've been together for nearly 3 years but for the last year, not much has happened in the bedroom.

I still find her attractive, still love her, but don't seem to be too pushed about sex with her, or even with myself, if you know what I mean. I don't seem to get aroused by much and it's really affecting our relationship.

She is still as interested and keen on having sex, so it's definitely just me, but I can't figure out what it is. Can anyone recommend some tips for a faltering sex life?

shellyboo

Presuming it's just the inclination you're lacking and not the ability, it's a tricky problem. There are loads of herbal remedies that are supposed to boost libido... horny goat weed and liquorice are just two off the top of my head, a googling will probably find you more.

However, this really just could be all in your head. Sex drive decreases according to frequency - it's very much a case of use it or lose it. So as long as you're capable of getting aroused, it may just be a case of powering through until you bump your sex drive back up again. Make a real, concerted effort to have sex with your gf - set a day aside or schedule a time, or simply tell yourself 'I'm not going to refuse her sex when she asks for it'.

It's possible that a combination of both will have your libido back up again... but failing that, a trip to your GP could be in order.

Wibbs

I would see a doctor and get some bloodwork done, just to take something like low testosterone out of the equation. Maybe take up more weight based training in the gym to boost that. Check your diet too. Maybe you're low in iron etc.

It could also be mental/emotional too. You're together for a while and the initial passion will tend to ease back. that's ok too, but not to the degree where it's affecting you.


PS I always heard that liquorice if it has any effect is for women and in men can have the opposite effect.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

PS I always heard that liquorice if it has any effect is for women and in men can have the opposite effect.

Orly? Oops... must brush up on my sex-based research. Thanks Wibbs.

Nevyn

Go see your dr before dosing your self with home and over the counter remedies.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

Go see your dr before dosing your self with home and over the counter remedies.

Exactly. Just because it's "herbal" does not mean it's safe. Quite the opposite. You need decent training with many of the herbal remedies out there. They can also interfere or increase or block the actions of prescription medicines.

Any herb that would increase libido, by either raising testosterone or through other affects on the endocrine system would have pretty heavy side effects. In any case, people have been looking for aphrodisiacs for centuries and 99% of the time they dont work. Pure placebo. Viagra and the like have made billions because they do(with side effects and some placebo). If sucking on dandelion roots or whatever worked. Mr pfizer et al would not be so rich.

OP start with easier things closer to home. Look at your general health and diet. Carrying extra fat can lower test and may impact libido. Bad diet likewise. Extreme vegan diets(without decent nutrition) can effect it. Smoking can reduce blood flow so can cause libido and erection problems. Maybe you have had erection problems and this has put you off.

Emotionally look at your relationship and see are there stresses that could be having an effect. Work stress is another one. If everything checks out there then I would say doctor time.

Nevyn

Lostmymojo what are you stress levels like and your fitness levels ?
Are you still attracted to your partner ?
Go get the phyical side of things checked out and then look at the mental and emotional.
As happy as you maybe to be getting married sometimes people do experience a down turn in sex drive as thier subconicous starts gettign stroppy only ever having sex with the same person for the rest of your married life.

SpookyDoll

Definitely go to the Doctor, there are so many different reasons that could be causing it.

Also your partner is probably quite stressed by the sex petering out and if she sees you are willing to address the problem properly it could take a lot of the stress off the relationship.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Well, have you ever tried something new and differant? Do you always have sex in the same position or same place? I know how you are feeling now, it does happen and sometimes there is no real explanation for it, medicaly speaking.

Try do something a little differant, new positions, new places, fulfill your fantasies and your partners of course. See if that will help a little...

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses. I don't think it's a diet or fitness thing as I go to the gym 4 times a week, then play sports too, and I eat pretty well too. I am still attracted to her so perhaps it is just a case of use it or lose it as I was always using it before.

I might take a trip to the doctor too though, just in case. Thanks again!