Relationship advice

alow

thank you for replies, wish to remove my pi

MIN2511

You have doubts... move on!

LegacyUser

Regardless of how little money I ever had, I tried to make up for it in different ways.

I would have made a card and given something thoughtful.

While it's great not to have a desire for mutual things, it's also great to have someone who appreciates you.

And, if I headed away, I would have been in touch either the first night, or definitely the second day.

If there's little intimacy and no contact, it doesn't look too good.

Maybe he's just used to the status quo, uses his "I don't need material things" to cover up the fact that he's not making as much money as he should (I can do that at times myself) and you allow him to get away with it while subsidising him.

tannytantans

You should definitely speak to your partner - maybe he feels the same?Or maybe he has no idea you feel like this?

It sounds like work comes first in your relationship at the momene. Maye you could designate one night per week where he doesn't work and you just hang out?Or could u go on one of his business trips with him?Spending more time together might help.

MagicMarker

You partner sounds like he has a nice life! Working from home, no bills to pay and a bit of travelling on top.

This does not sound like an equal relationship to me, if his current job can't contribute to his share of the household outgoings then he should get another one, just like he'd have to if he were on his own.

You should definitely talk to him.

Wibbs

MIN2511 wrote: »

You have doubts... move on!

Normall I agree with your posts, but this one I have to strongly disagree with. The simple and plain fact is that everyone in every relationship at some time or other will have doubts. It's life. If every time a person who has doubts walks, sooner or later they may find they have no one left to walk to.

Now the OP's situation doesn't sound good and her doubts are very valid. I would say you need to communicate your doubts to him in word and deed. You need to do a sit down and talk through this. If he doesn't want to know, I would then make definite concrete steps to move away from him. Put a time limit on this. A target for you and him. Tell him you will leave in three months if you don't feel and see some real changes for you both. If that still doesn't get his attention then I would reconsider walking and actually do it.

MIN2511

Wibbs wrote: »

Normall I agree with your posts, but this one I have to strongly disagree with. The simple and plain fact is that everyone in every relationship at some time or other will have doubts. It's life. If every time a person who has doubts walks, sooner or later they may find they have no one left to walk to.

Now the OP's situation doesn't sound good and her doubts are very valid. I would say you need to communicate your doubts to him in word and deed. You need to do a sit down and talk through this. If he doesn't want to know, I would then make definite concrete steps to move away from him. Put a time limit on this. A target for you and him. Tell him you will leave in three months if you don't feel and see some real changes for you both. If that still doesn't get his attention then I would reconsider walking and actually do it.

I may have been quite harsh, it's easier to give advice than to take them...

OP, quick question

Are you hurt because he hasn't contacted you in 4days or because of all the other things thats happened in the relationship?
You mentioned, you are support him financially. There is nothing wrong with this but i wonder if it is the root of your doubt.

alow

Thank you all for your replies, deep down I know something is wrong, it's just difficult to be honest and admit it.

I try not to think about what we haven't got, or that my wage supports us both, hoping that things will get better. This makes me feel stupid when there is no contact for four days. I am not a needy person, a quick call or text would suffice, so that I know things are okay.

I have initiated conversations before where "in future, we will make more time for......" invariably, these fall by the wayside.

Regarding travelling with my partner on business trips, I have done this in the past. I was meant to go on this trip however flights weren't agreed until last minute, and I wasn't going to spend my small nest egg on a last minute flight for a trip where we would have had no time alone. I am the person in the relationship who worries about money, budgets for bills etc, because I am the person paying. My partner helps out where and when they can - It's just come to a head now, if my partner had contacted me, I would have ignored the bigger issues.

Is there anyone who was in a similar situation to me who issued ultimatiums, and found the courage to leave if these weren't met?

vandermeyde

So...you commute, study at night, work a second job where possible, he stays at home couped up in a corner on his computer working 7 days a week and travels regularly too...

You sound like you barely see each other, Do you still have things in common? When was the last time you said "sod this" and made a full day for each other?

It sounds like you've just fallen into the trap of leading seperate lives. You need to sit down, talk about it, and decide whether to rekindle things or move on. Drifting along is no way to live life.

MIN2511

I was busy earlier but now you have my full ear

What are you getting out of this relationship?


First, can you list the things that don't like about him vs what you like about him?


Compare what you have written, and if you are lacking more than you are gaining in the relationship then it
is time to move on.

It may be hard but there's more to life than being in a relationship