19 and never had a sexual relationship

LegacyUser

I'm a 19yr old guy and I have never had a sexual relationship with a woman. It's been clear to me ever since my early teens that I am not attractive. All the rejections, bullying and embarrassment I faced in primary/secondary school has caused me to hate my looks and in turn.. myself.

I suppose I wouldn't exactly call myself 'ugly'. Just unattractive.. And I guess I made everything worse by refusing to have braces when I was told I needed them at 14. That was the last thing I needed at the time. Glasses and braces were not a good match....

Now at 19 I still wear glasses, and still have bad teeth. It just feels like I have dug myself a deeper hole now.... I just feel like my life is over. I will never have a girlfriend. I will be a loser for the rest of my life.

I don't feel the need to dress well or anything. What's the point in making an effort!? It's not going to change how I look...

There was one instance when I was about 14/15 where I actually decided to ask out a girl who I knew through a friend. She told me her friend was attracted to me and urged me to ask her out. She was a year older than me and actually VERY good looking, so I found it quite hard to believe she fancied me, but I asked her out anyway (over the phone). To my surprise she said yes. I felt great. Had to pinch myself over and over to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Now this girl was very unusual. She was incredibly shy (seemed the opposite before I asked her out) and only wanted to be with me if her friends were with her.. I'm a shy person myself so I couldn't deal with that. I remember every time I called her and tried to arrange something she would ask me to come hang out with her and her friends instead. I never agreed. It was getting ridiculous so eventually I just broke it off... without ever having a proper relationship with her..

Then of course, realizing that a girl like this would NEVER be interested in a guy like me again, I went running back to her. She wouldn't have it and I looked like a complete fool...

Well ever since then I have never gotten close to having a girlfriend or any type of sexual relationship. I hate my looks and I hate myself.

I did see a therapist about a slightly separate issue (social phobia) and eventually told her that I hated how I look. I even told her about my habit of punishing myself by drinking myself into a mess (the extent can vary depending on how I feel). I could tell she was trying but the therapy didn't help me. Didn't change me one bit. I still drink, I still hate myself.

Basically I just had to share this with you. It's hard bottling it up.. And I suppose some advice wouldn't hurt.. although things really feel hopeless for me right now..

Thanks for your time and I apologize if most of what I said doesn't make sense. Wasn't blessed with much intelligence either. Thanks for reading..

SarahSassy

OP, Id love to give you a big hug....

Listen, a really hot girl really fancied you and because both of you were shy and not yet used to relationships, it didnt work out.... You seem to hate 2 aspects of your physical appearance and you are lucky with the 2 you hate... I personally like glasses on guys and some of them are so cool now. In saying that, laser surgery is very accessible these days and if you hate wearing glasses then this is your solution.

Likewise, with your teeth. I have a number of friends who were unhappy with their smiles and very recently had braces fitted. It doesnt need to take years anymore. Both of them were sorted out in about 6 months and were delighted with the results... Go to a dentist and get an opinion... Its not going to be cheap but what price is your social confidence and happiness....

I am not for one second suggesting that someone wnt fancy you as you are.. I am sure they will and do but if there something (which can be fixed) affecting your confidence then deal with it...

Keep yourself clean and tidy and do wear nice clothes - I dont mean expensive but nice.... Scruffy men are a big turn off for a lot of women....

The boozing is liekly causing you to feel more down and thats a separate and serious issue which I am not able to give an opinion on. Fellas who get blotto are also not attractive to girls and you need to talk to someone about your drinking.. Its messing up your head and emotions and you need to get a grip on it...

Good luck to you OP.

SS

PS OP, take the time to look at www.thesecret.tv and it will help you focus your mind on the positive as opposed to the negative.

LegacyUser

At 19 you're still young. Your life is not over just because you've never had a sexual relationship. Drinking yourself is NOT going to help matters. Find someone to talk to - a family member, a friend, college counsellor if applicable.

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and I've never had a sexual relationship! But so what!?!
It may not be a very good thing, but it certainly is not a bad thing, either!

Looks aren't everything, OP. I don't know what you look like so please don't get offended, but even if you are unattractive I'm sure there'll be at least 2 or 3 girls who'll fancy you as the time goes by. Honestly, I'm not just saying it.

Please cheer up OP, I've never seen a guy who I thought was ugly, there's something nice about almost every guy(provided he looks clean and respectable), it might be his eyes, his smile, or even his manners!!!

Hope you'll realise soon that it's all in your head and become a more confident, outgoing person!
All the best to you!

PixelTrawler

Dont get hung up on the glasses! I used to wear massive jam jars but still never had a problem (well not all the time!) getting girlfriends (glasses gone now - had the laser surgery - always an option for you in a few years time - your still too young, your eyes havent stablilised)

I think I was more hung up about them then anyone else (my teeth aint the best either). So its more your attitude you need to adjust - get a bit of self belief - some girls like guys with glasses too.

Jaysus your only 19 as well. Dont worry so much. Relax, it'll happen

Everyone is attractive to someone - remember that.

Knock the drinking on the head too - it aint good and it aint attractive and it aint going to solve your problems

Dudess

Unreg1725 wrote: »

I just feel like my life is over. I will never have a girlfriend. I will be a loser for the rest of my life.

If you think like that, you will make it so. You need to start being positive and learning to love yourself. Why don't you deserve a girlfriend? Think about it - there is no real reason for you not to deserve a loving relationship. You really need to start believing in yourself. Begin by telling yourself that you DO deserve a girlfriend. You are as good as anyone. Don't believe me? I promise you it's true. And you're only 19 - a child!
At 19, those thoughts go through lots of people's minds. It's highly likely you will be far happier in yourself at 30 than now and you'll regret those years when you treated yourself so sh1ttily. Don't let those regrets be a reality.

towel401

well anyone can get braces. i knew a 50 y/o who had em

LegacyUser

Hey,

firstly if you are THAT concerned with your appearance why not do something about it?

theres lots of things!

GO TO THE GYM, GET IN SHAPE!

GET CONTACT LENSES

YOU CAN STILL GET BRACES AND HAVE YOUR TEETH FIXED

GET SOME NICE CLOTHES

GET YOUR HAIR STYLED, COLOURED

GO TO A TANNING BOOTH (I wouldnt put hey why not?)

Of course doing all that will be useless if you still act as unconfident and as self loathing as you are now. Girls can pick up on that right away.

LegacyUser

Right well I may as well go unreg for this........

I'm 18, im a virgin, i was bullied to the point of near suicide, wear glasses etc.

I realised that as long as i have a few close friends, thats all that really matters. Life isnt all about sex, or being good looking, its about making the most of it. I dont really have a solution to your problem, but more that you shouldnt feel inadequate for being a a virgin, its really not important.

and your teeth, it mighnt be the easiest thing in the world but its never too late.

I dunno around 3rd year i was hopelessly depressed, i went to gig with a guy in my year who i had never really talked to prior to that and life just started looking up. Maybe try that? meet some new people, gender is irrelevent, maybe try meeting some girls with the intention of being friends to try and make yourself more comfortable around women.

LegacyUser

Thank yu all for trying to help

I don't think it's eve going to be posible for me to like myself though..

Once agin I really appreciate your help;

Liam Byrne

So - based on the thread title - you're roughly where most people are, or at least should be ?

1) Most under-20s will lie through their teeth about being virgins
2) People under 17/18 are generally too immature to have sexual relationships

Also, full credit to ya for referring to it as a "sexual relationship", and not saying "never had sex" or whatever; it means you're far more mature than the drunken 16-year-old slappers that end up having kids while they're still kids themselves.

As for

without ever having a proper relationship with her..

What's a "proper" relationship ? I could be wrong, but in the context of your post/this thread, I presume you mean sex ? But you were 15 ? Then what you two had WAS proper....a sexual relationship at 15 is both illegal and wrong.

So relax......while looks are definitely a plus in initial attraction (I won't lie to you or be patronising on that), but I also know loads of stunners who are bitches and/or vain & materialistic and/or vacuous divas and I wouldn't go near them! Personality and common interests are what make it last, and the more a relationship lasts, the more chances of it becoming a sexual relationship (I mean, I assume you wouldn't sleep with someone after a week or two ?)

So bear 2 things in mind : 1 - you're normal; 2 - you haven't missed out on anything, and 3 - where there's life, there's hope.... (edit : and 4, I can't count!!! )

Best of luck!

Zillah

Unreg1725 wrote: »

Wasn't blessed with much intelligence either. Thanks for reading..

If it's any consolation you come across as quite concise and articulate in your post.

Looks aren't everything. I won't lie to you, they certainly help but I know plenty of attractive girls who are going out with guys I'd describe as not very attractive.

You should try looking after your appearance, even if you think you're not handsome it can really help anyway. Have you a job? If you've got some money then go buy some nice clothes and new glasses. Bring a girl or a gay friend with you. I'm not joking, they'll help immensely. Glasses are not unattractive features unless you have an unattractive pair or a pair that doesn't suit your face. A slick pair of designer lenses can really add something. Even if you don't think this will attract women you'll feel better about yourself anyway and people will react to you differently, which might help deal with your real problem which is the drinking and lack of self confidence. Get a new hair cut and stop worrying so much.

EDIT: Oh, and don't worry about being a 19 year old virgin, it's really not a big deal unless you're sitting in a pub with the lads. In which case you should feel free to lie, they probably are.

silversurfer

you're putting yourself down as shy and unintelligent
bullsh1t: what you wrote indicates intelligence, at the least, and there's no point putting yourself down as there's plenty of people out there who will do that for the rest of us.
there's a lot of women who do NOT go for looks, this is evident if you look around.
Confidence and attitude are attributes that will attract.
Attitute and being positive will attract 'plus' to yourself
there's people I know, (well 1 guy anyway) with awful teeth and overweight, and he's getting maried in 2009 (I think it's may/ june). I'm not saying be a 'nice guy', a cliche, I'm saying be positive, believe in yourself and get yourself in a positive mindset and spruce yourself up.

If you ever in your life read or listen to any of the experts or guru's, they all mention this all enveloping sentience (or cosmic mind etc....) and they basically state, that what you think, you attract.

But don't put yourself down, that's what I'm saying.

mikemac

First of all, you are intelligent, your post is well written.

Re the glasses, go to Specsavers and get a consulation on contact lenses, it's FREE!
Or Laser eye surgury, you can pm if you want on this.
Teeth, braces are mega expensive, see if the local health board (HSE?) will pay. If not, no big deal, there's a girl here in work in her late 20's only getting them now so you can get them anytime (not medical advice!)

Go to the gym
Get good clothes. Go to a good shop, find a female shop assistant, tell them you're clueless and they'll give you a loadsa options.
Going to college? No matter whats happens, a few girls will be mad after you, you're obviously smart and I bet you're witty too if given a chance

silversurfer

didn't see that about the teeth and glasses
I know a guy in his early 40's who got train tracks for his teeth, made a huge difference and shows that at any age they are an option.

Glasses, as micmclo stated, specsavers and I think the rule is stay away from the big lenses (i.e. keep to small diameters)

Trinny and Suzanna did a thing (think it was 2008) about dressing and clothes for men (and for women ?) about what clothes to choose for your bodyshape, PM me and I'll send in the next day or so, if you want, I found it again just last week.

I was in my mid 20's b4 I got together with someone, so, while its really in your mind now, it's not the end of the world, I've a wife and kid now.

joenailface

I think we place sex on far too high a pedestel to be honest, especially the idea of 'losing your virginity' dont get me up wrong though, it's perfectly reasonable to feel how you do about it and to want to feel more self confidence is a good thing. Everyone above made good suggestions about the contacts and stuff, try ask some female friends what they think, they would be able to tell you good points and bad points if you're close to them. I know this sounds cheesey but believe in yourself, im sure you're not a bad person, i imagine you might occasionally leave the lid off the milk or something but im guessing you dont go out joyriding and taking coke :P girls like confidence (not annoying 'im so great' cockyness) and im sure there's quite a few girls who'll back that up. If you dont have confidence it makes other people go 'well what does he know that i dont' subconciously, generally leaves a bad first impression. On the bright side you'd be surprised how many girls are actually think the same as you...well i speak from personal experience not the expierence of the whole world so i can only say from my perspective but i hope my rant helped...somehow :P

MizzLolly

Why are you so hard on yourself? I really don't understand this at all. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. So what? You're only 19. I have a friend who said the same thing to me not long ago, she's 21 and is a virgin too. Having spoke to her for a bit about it, she admitted that she feels embarrassed because she thinks that men don't see her as being attractive. Just like you said.

It really is a self esteem issue. My friend is gorgeous. She's intelligent and lots of fun. Men do like her and any of them would be lucky to have her. Having asked a few questions about certain guys I knew who were texting her she told me that she didn't persue anything with them or go any further than kiss one of them. This was where I brought her back to her original complaint when she said, ''I'm 21, a virgin and I feel like a loser''. So then I asked her why did she stop at a kiss if losing her virginity was so important and she said that it was because she knew he wasn't interested in her as a person or a relationship.

She began to see that it had nothing to do with her being 'ugly' or unattractive to men. It was more to do with her expectations of a relationship and what she actually wants. I asked her then, if she felt that being a virgin was so bad, why she didn't take this fella up on his offer. She started to laugh and said she knew what I was trying to do.

Eventually she admitted that she wants more than just sex. It's a relationship, something more solid she was looking for. The reason I mention her is because a lot of what you said echoes her complaint. She began by bashing herself and her appearance but then admitted that she had higher expectations for herself. She knew underneath all her claims of being ugly and being a loser etc, that she was the one making the decisions. The reason she didn't sleep with that guy is because she knows (whether she likes to admit it or not) that she is capable of having more than just a boy to have sex with and to actually find a partner who'll be happy to have her. That to me does not sound like somebody who hates themselves. She may not have high self esteem but she somehow came to admit that she would rather wait til she finds someone she's properly attracted to. I wonder are you dancing around all these claims of being ugly and stupid and whatnot in order to avoid how you really feel?

You had the opportunity to have a girlfriend (granted, you were both very young) but yet you didn't take it. You said you were too shy?!
You didn't want to hang out with her friends, you wanted her? The next paragraph after that sentence, you say that you hate your looks and yourself. What has your appearance got to do with the decision you made with this girl? Maybe I'm explaining myself badly but what I'm suggesting is that you do know what you want but you're scared of it not working. So you just stop trying and you start looking for possible excuses and reasons for relationships failing and missed opportunities. Your appearance is the easiest part of you to attack. You admit that you don't make an effort because ''what's the point?''. What if you did make the effort and a girl was attracted to you. Would you really be happy then?

I don't think your appearance is the problem. Otherwise you'd try to change it. I don't think you're stupid either. You know what you want. You just sound like you're scared of your potential. Just like my friend, you're attacking the easy part and in turn, using it as a shield so you don't have to look at the bigger picture.

Not every man with braces is single. There are plenty of good lookin' single people out there! It's got nothing to do with how you look. Your self belief has a lot to do with it and to be honest, it sounds like you're in no emotional state for a relationship. You need to look after yourself better and take a break. You're your own biggest enemy here. Counselling wouldn't be a bad idea one more time. As I said, I really doubt that your appearance has anything to do with what you feel. Otherwise you'd try to fix it. There's something else stopping you. Do have a think about it again, this time, don't bring your appearance into it.

I could be way off the mark but if not, I hope it helped.


(otherwise, pretend I didn't post )

Jimmy Bottlehead

You'll be grand, man. In my experience, girls seem to be able to focus more on a guys personality than on his looks. Guys are naturally more visual than girls - and judging by your post, you're a good, decent guy who a lot of girls would love to be with, considering how many bad ones are out there. We good 'uns are a catch!

Also, as said above, glasses and teeth are two of the easiest features to work with. Get specs that you like and that make you feel confident. And apply for dental/orthodontic work.

I'd also HIGHLY recomment hitting a gym and getting into great shape. A good body helps your confidence tremendously, and is a good incentive to stop drinking. No-one likes a drunk. And girls (despite what some say!) love a good body, fact.

Also, sex really isn't the be-all and end-all. Don't throw that time away... give it to someone who means something to you.

You'll be fine, man... from one speccy to another! We're always our own harshest critic. Remember that.

Galvasean

Sex is overrated anyway. I didn't lose my V 'til I was 19, and to be perfectly honest I probably could have done with waiting another couple of years.
People seem to put sex on a pedestal these days. Yeah it can be great, but it's not the be all and end all of life*.


*please note I do not refer to the act of sexual intercourse here in a reproductive sense, but rather a 'geeting laid' sense

pandas

ill tell you my story.

for a girl with red hair and freckles i am not the worst looking there is out there, or so ive been told. i am pretty shy when i dont know someone that well! when i know them really well im total opposite!!

anyway all throughout primary school and secondary school i was never fully part of the group and i was left out sometimes and bullied by them alot! now i did get a good bit of attention from guys so i think that is what kept me in the fold with them.move onto college i was sixteen going into college so no out, no drinkin, parents wouldnt let me move out so first year in college was my worst nightmare. i knew no one but it got better!!!

so i was bulllied, i dont have the strongest set of friends built up around me, i have red hair and freckles and now my teeth are shifting so my two fronth teeth are gaping out more than the rest and i also had to get glasses when i was in college!! i didnt have sex untill i was 19 either but it was always my attitude that got me through things!

i often came home from school balling i often felt the way you do now but you know what its not the be all and end all and sex isnt either. when you do get into a relationship with someone you will realise it is not the sex that is the most important thing it is the other persons personality whether you could actually hack hanging around with them for a day!! now dont get me wrong sex is a big part of it but not everything. you know what i mean??

i have looked into braces for my teeth and if you go to smiles.ie (i dont think they are the only ones that do them but the only ones i found in galway) you will find an invisible brace you can get that will fix your teeth in a couple months! now i havnt had this done yet but i am seriously considering it! so if its train tracks you are dreading you now know there is an alternative, so at the very least i think you should look into it.

your glasses i hav glasses as i said. i just got contacts during the summer. now they do take getting used to but again look into them they are wonderous!! i dont wear them only when i am socialising and they are relatively cheap! or if you wnated too look up lasick eye surgery to see if you would be eligable!

now as for dressing. i can say from the bottom of my heart a good dress sense does wonders for a lad!! you have to get off your ass and put on some deacent clothes everyday. not necessarily expensive just clothes that ae not covered in **** or old as the hills!! thats an easy fix and you would be surprised how far that woudl take you same with hair and skin. i dont know if you get acne but i used too and just to let you know that can be fixed too. my younger brother (18yrs)has acne all over his face and back and there is a prescription you can get off your doctor to clear it and that would do wonders for your confidence too!!

now sex... you cant build it up in your head!! i remember my first time it was both of our first times and the guy was soo bloody nervous he nearly ruined it!! you just need to realise it is a natural thing its not something you have to force so stop stressin it will happen when the time is right!! and i know this is a real girly perspective for a fella so even if you are only lookin for a one night stand dont push it dont force yourself it will come naturally so there is nothing to worry about!!

my point is your attitude to life can make all of the difference!! all of the things you complain about are fixable and even if you dont fix them they are not the end of the world you couldnt possibly be so bad that if you just dress well and shower daily you shouldnt have a problem getting a girlfriend. i know its hard if you are shy enough to come out of your box but you'll find it isn't that bad! you seem to have a good et of friends but of course it doesn't help i you hang around with a bunch of baboons who do nothing but pull the piss out of you all the time and knock your confidence and if i know anything about your age group (even tough im not that much older myself) its that ye are not the most forgiving of sorts.


anyway your drinking sounds fairly hefty but i wouldnt say it not normal for a teenager!! now obviously its bad for you but theres no talkin to us young people about that!! your life will pick up its all in your attitude. think positive!! your only nineteen for gods sale you have your whole life ahead of you to be depressed. not now, you should just be enoying your youth!! girlfriend or no girlfriend, sex or no sex, forget about it all!! it will happen when it happens.

Dublin_Andy

your time will come. its inevitable... someone out ther for everyone.

Dudess

Don't make the mistake of thinking just because you're still a virgin at 18 it means you've missed the boat and that's it. At 18 you don't realise how young it is - plenty of people are still virgins at 18. Just because some of your peers and the media give out the message that all 18-year-olds (except for "losers") are sexually active, doesn't mean it's true.
I was freaked about being a virgin at 18 too and I remember the film Kids was creating waves at that very time - all these early to mid teens shagging... made me even more anxious. I felt I should have been doing it two or three years at that stage.

As you get older, that stuff becomes irrelevant.

homerun_homer

I'll be honest and say I was a very, very late bloomer. I don't know why, I'm not a pushy sort of person so whenever I was with a girl I never brought it up but then the relationship would never take off - and I wasn't the type to want just a one nighter (though I wouldn't have said no, it just didn't really happen). Even the one nighters turned out to just be teases so eventually the time came.
Can't say for me that that first experience was worth the wait but when I did find someone that is worth it then it's worth having gone through the long dry spell. I know it's frustrating but just let things fall into place, be social, chatty and friendly and it'll come along. Don't go out thinking "maybe tonight".

Dudess

Dublin_Andy wrote: »

your time will come. its inevitable... someone out ther for everyone.

... unless you stop it from happening. OP, I think that's what you're doing. You may feel all this pressure is coming from outside influences but really, the one who's putting it on the most is yourself.
I've told you you need to believe in yourself and your response is "nothing's going to make me feel deserving of a relationship". You're right "nothing's" going to do it, you have to do it yourself.

LegacyUser

Unreg1725 wrote: »

Thanks for your time and I apologize if most of what I said doesn't make sense.

chin up champ. i felt exactly the same, very similiar to everything you described. did the whole drinking thing....sat in the corner of the club as "friends" got girl after girl, drinking myself to oblivian. making some visits to the hospital at times. this got worse and worse, and i ended up having a serious drug addiction, which brought a whole new set of complications, "high, i'm an alcoholic, a junkie, and a manic depressive, wanna go out?".....that was not nice. and i'm only 23, can't drink again for fear of relapsing.......

bottom line, stop right now, look yourself in the mirror and ask why not? believe in yourself, and don't presume everyone elses worst opinions of you. it's funny how different people are when you talk to them. give it a lash, bad n all as it is, the view isn't great from a hospital bed, or worse,6 feet under a pile of dirt.

it's easy to say all this positive sh1t, but just try it. please. do somethin to help others, or get a hobby, music is an amazing release.that will make you feel good about yourself believe it or not. your confidence will grow.

and just practice talking to people, all these ppl behind computer screens live in the big bad world too ya know!, friendly faces are more common than you'd think.

much love buddy, keep your head high and trust me when i say it gets better,much better.

shellyboo

MizzLolly wrote: »

You just stop trying and you start looking for possible excuses and reasons for relationships failing and missed opportunities. Your appearance is the easiest part of you to attack. You admit that you don't make an effort because ''what's the point?''. What if you did make the effort and a girl was attracted to you. Would you really be happy then?

I don't think your appearance is the problem. Otherwise you'd try to change it. I don't think you're stupid either. You know what you want. You just sound like you're scared of your potential. Just like my friend, you're attacking the easy part and in turn, using it as a shield so you don't have to look at the bigger picture.

MizLolly, you are SO spot on here... this really hit a chord with me. When I was younger, in fourth year or so, I decided the reason I didn't have bf was because I had glasses. So I got contact lenses... still no boyfriend. Then when I went to college I decided that the reason I didn't have a bf was because I was fat... I lost a bit of weight and slutted about for a while, but I still didn't have a boyfriend.

After that, I realised that if it wasn't my glasses and it wasn't my weight, then, shock horror, it had to be ME. So I bucked myself up a bit, and lo and behold, I landed myself a boyfriend.

When you feel unattractive - 'ugly' or 'fat' or whatever - it's the easiest thing to blame for your problems. Oh, that guy would never date me because I'm fat. They'd never give me that job because I'm fat. That person gave me a dirty look because I'm fat... and in fact, it's an incredibly narrow-minded and self-centred way to think. It's the lazy way out. It's so easy to place the blame on other people's shallowness when really the problem belongs to you.

Take your perceived unattractiveness out of the picture, forget thinking that it's some sort of deal-breaker, and stop using it as an excuse not to look after yourself, your appearance and your attitude - beacuse honestly, there's nothing as unattractive as self-pity.

bp1989

Unreg1725 wrote: »

I don't feel the need to dress well or anything. What's the point in making an effort!? It's not going to change how I look...

you'd be surprised. clothes can turn a person from ugly into quite attractive. never underestimate the power of clothing!

bp1989

Zillah wrote: »

Bring a girl or a gay friend with you.

Not to be off-topic, but i have to call you out on this. are you saying gay guys have a better fashion sense or something? you must not know any real gay guys.

partyatmygaff

Its all psychology, what makes people seem attractive to other people is down to how your brain processes what it sees, the brain always looks for the most suitable reproductive partner who is capable of the healthiest offspring(female and male).

Basically what im saying is that people judge others as being attractive by how healthy they look (This is an old instinct in the human brain to pick the healthiest partner to reproduce with in order to get the healthiest possible children), An example is that if you look tired, uncofident, look towards the floor, dirty and basically very negative the brain causes you to see the person as unattractive.


Now if you want to set off a positive image to a girl (Not taking in your manners or personality as that has nothing to do with how you look)

-Goto a gym and get fit and healthy (It shows in your face if your healthy and full of energy)
-Never look towards the ground when you walk and look people in the eyes when they talk to you
-Try to walk confidently (cant really explain this but just give off a sense of confidence)


Thats for your looks only though but once your confident in yourself everything will come perfect.

Its all about subconscious and conscious confidence, If you act confident but deep down have any sense of being unconfident, you WILL look unconfident infront of everyone.



Hope i helped you, if you need any clarification of what I said in the post just send me a pm and ill explain it a bit better

Tech3

At 19 you have your whole life in front of you. Why do people worry about having sexual relations at a young age. It never used to happen years ago when people would have sex after marraige but nowadays it is alarmingly common at a young age.

At 19 you should be enjoying yourself rather than worrying what will happen. It will come to you as you get older and you will become more confident.

Kirnsy

as a few previous posters said SEX ISN'T everything.

as a guy id find it attractive if a girl was a virgin at 19.
im sure girls are the same.so do not get hung up on that.

as for your teeth and eyes....they are physical attributes you can change if you so wish.
you come across as a genuine person which is certainly a quality that that appeals to anyone.

LegacyUser

I agree. Why the big deal with sex. I'm 22 and virginal. My GF is 25 and similar. So what? No ones ever died from a lack of sex.

Jew Gold

Unreg1725 wrote: »

I don't feel the need to dress well or anything. What's the point in making an effort!? It's not going to change how I look...

Hey there! Chin up man! I thought pick out this line, I'd be able to give you a lil bit of advice on this, hopefully it will get you in the right step. Firstly I'd like to make a point that THIS is not about changing how you look so girls will like you. Many girls will see your personality reflected by how you present yourself, which, in my opinion, is important!

My two cents is this: Girls like guys who do make an effort. You don't have to be good looking - beleive me, I know! But you know, simple things, like having a shave or, conversly, growing a beard(they need a lot more effort than just shaving!)
If you're going somewhere nice, then were nice clothes! Polish a pair of shoes and iron a shirt. "Style" your hair. Doesn't have to be any paticular style or a "trendy" haircut, but hair is one of the first things girls notice so do make some sort of effort there at least!

Don't worry too much about your teeth! I know it is regretable not getting the braces, and if you're not gonna get them now then move on! Just gotta keep them clean! Worry more about your lips, i.e. chapped lips! Doesn't take two seconds a day to prevent chapped lips! Same goes for cleaning one's ears also!

A personal tip of my own to you would be.... Aftershave! I am always telling myself - if you're gonna look good - then why not smell good! Easy peasy! Once again, this should reflect the effort that you have put in to presenting yourself! If you don't usually wear, or own any, and find yourself "liking them all", then ask the store which is the most popular one! (Can't go wrong as most aftershave is bought by women, for men!)

So that's it. Sorry if I have rambled on a bit, i cut it as much as i could.
And like I said, girls will notice guys who make an effort in presenting themselves. You don't need to change the way you look, rather, look more like you've made an effort!

Hopefully this will help!

C.

LegacyUser

I wear glasses and have braces, and I'm 16. My braces are coming off next week and my teeth look great and I definetly think it's worth getting them. Get them now while ur still young. As for the glasses well I paid for a designer pair and people actually compliment them instead of insult them. I know I look better without them and most people do but you have to make do with what you have.

Confidence can take a long time and from the OP you don't have any. Save up and get some nice clothes. I used to feel bad about myself but I started working out at home in my bedroom and people notice my six pack and even though I wear glasses people know that I'm one of the fittest in the year. I don't have a huge amount of friends, just 5 or 6 really good friends but thats all I need. I have made tons of friends over the years but these are the people who I chose to keep in contact with.

You have to ignore what other people think and start being such a downer all the time. For instance I felt really pissed that my grades were slipping and I knew that it was my fault and not the teachers or anybody elses that they were, so I buckled up and I've done a good bit of work since and I feel confident that my grades are going to improve. I used to look at the mirror and be repulsed with what I saw but even though I look much the same I can't really find anything wrong with myself now because I feel a whole lot better about myself.

Zillah

bp1989 wrote: »

Not to be off-topic, but i have to call you out on this. are you saying gay guys have a better fashion sense or something? you must not know any real gay guys.

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Gay men have far better fashion sense than straight men.

Censorsh!t

Zillah wrote: »

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Gay men have far better fashion sense than straight men.

I agree for the most part. I dont know a gay guy who has a "bad" fashion sense as such. but i know straighgt guys with great fashion sense too.

Dublin_Andy

Dudess wrote: »

... unless you stop it from happening. OP, I think that's what you're doing. You may feel all this pressure is coming from outside influences but really, the one who's putting it on the most is yourself.
I've told you you need to believe in yourself and your response is "nothing's going to make me feel deserving of a relationship". You're right "nothing's" going to do it, you have to do it yourself.

never a truer word spoken Dudess.

but just be urself. dont be self conscious about wat other people think.. be a little bit assertive if needs be but not too over the top. dress to impress etc etc. most improtantly be cool.... :cool:

bp1989

Zillah wrote:

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Gay men have far better fashion sense than straight men.

sorry, i just think thats a pretty stereotyped view. anyway, i really dont want to take this thread off topic, no nvm, forget it:pac:

Wibbs

OK folks keep on topic re gay/straight men and dress sense.

Dudess

Repression wrote: »

I agree. Why the big deal with sex. I'm 22 and virginal. My GF is 25 and similar. So what? No ones ever died from a lack of sex.

Because there are all these outside influences telling people it's something you're supposed to be doing by the time you get to the OP's age (in particular peers, media/popular culture, the internet). And if you're not confident, then this sort of thing is bound to affect you at quite a considerable level.

OP, fuk all that. Sex is something you do on your own terms, not to go along with the crowd. It's constantly spoken of in the context of broad social trends which is dreadful really... it's a personal, individual thing.

Dragan

Unreg1725 wrote: »

I'm a 19yr old guy and I have never had a sexual relationship with a woman. It's been clear to me ever since my early teens that I am not attractive. All the rejections, bullying and embarrassment I faced in primary/secondary school has caused me to hate my looks and in turn.. myself.

I suppose I wouldn't exactly call myself 'ugly'. Just unattractive.. And I guess I made everything worse by refusing to have braces when I was told I needed them at 14. That was the last thing I needed at the time. Glasses and braces were not a good match....

Now at 19 I still wear glasses, and still have bad teeth. It just feels like I have dug myself a deeper hole now.... I just feel like my life is over. I will never have a girlfriend. I will be a loser for the rest of my life.

I don't feel the need to dress well or anything. What's the point in making an effort!? It's not going to change how I look...

There was one instance when I was about 14/15 where I actually decided to ask out a girl who I knew through a friend. She told me her friend was attracted to me and urged me to ask her out. She was a year older than me and actually VERY good looking, so I found it quite hard to believe she fancied me, but I asked her out anyway (over the phone). To my surprise she said yes. I felt great. Had to pinch myself over and over to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Now this girl was very unusual. She was incredibly shy (seemed the opposite before I asked her out) and only wanted to be with me if her friends were with her.. I'm a shy person myself so I couldn't deal with that. I remember every time I called her and tried to arrange something she would ask me to come hang out with her and her friends instead. I never agreed. It was getting ridiculous so eventually I just broke it off... without ever having a proper relationship with her..

Then of course, realizing that a girl like this would NEVER be interested in a guy like me again, I went running back to her. She wouldn't have it and I looked like a complete fool...

Well ever since then I have never gotten close to having a girlfriend or any type of sexual relationship. I hate my looks and I hate myself.

I did see a therapist about a slightly separate issue (social phobia) and eventually told her that I hated how I look. I even told her about my habit of punishing myself by drinking myself into a mess (the extent can vary depending on how I feel). I could tell she was trying but the therapy didn't help me. Didn't change me one bit. I still drink, I still hate myself.

Basically I just had to share this with you. It's hard bottling it up.. And I suppose some advice wouldn't hurt.. although things really feel hopeless for me right now..

Thanks for your time and I apologize if most of what I said doesn't make sense. Wasn't blessed with much intelligence either. Thanks for reading..

Hmmmm, I haven't read other peoples replies, so apologies if this has been said before. Honest to God man, I could have written that when I was 19. I really truly could. Pretty much word for word as well except for the teeth and glasses thing. I was quite fat instead, very shy, had all kind of ailments and illness and **** as a kid that made it hard to get to know people and socialise and then all of a sudden I was 19 and even though these problems had not existed for a while the affects of them were still obvious.

I would have given the whole unintelligent line as well and I was full of ****. I really was and in the politest way possible I think maybe you are too. You don't strike me as being stupid, you just strike me as someone who has heard some mean comments enough times to actually start believing them is all.

I think maybe it suits you to be unintelligent, as you say, because it means you don't get a lot of attention and attention is a bad thing, right? Well, sadly the only way to deal with the shyness is to start getting yourself small amounts of attention and then you'll see it'snot such a big or scary thing, then build it up more and more.

With regards to how you look, I'm not gonna be telling you to be happy with what you got, I wasn't and I still am not. Once again though, this is not such a bad thing. It'snot cool to look at yourself and think your ugly, or stupid or anything else but it's perfectly fine to look at yourself and think "maybe I could learn something else" or "maybe I could hit the gym a bit" or "Maybe come contacts would be a great idea".

The key issue her to is turn self doubt into self improvment, to see that wanting to be a bit better tomorrow than you are today is not a bad thing. It can be a great thing.

All kinds of changes can be made but it takes a little bit of time, and a little bit of effort and a whole lot of believing in yourself. And the simple truth of it is that you might as well believe in yourself bro, because until you start no one else will. Often times it's just the way it goes, you gotta make the first steps man. You have one life, you can either live in a prison of your own making or you can start working on the things you need to work on to do what you want to do.

I think it's clear you need to start with how you see yourself.

So, what about yourself are you proud of? What do you love? What are you good at?

Everyone has something.

Dudess

OP, you'd do well to read Dragan's post a couple of times.

If he, at 19, was really similar to how you are now, well believe me, there is hope - a LOT of hope. Ok I don't know Dragan, I've never even met him, but he posts on Boards regularly, seems extremely genuine and no-bullsh1t (and thus the person he is as a poster and the person he is in real life - I've absolutely no doubt they're one and the same) and from reading those and his interactions with other Boards members... eh, unintelligent? Unattractive? Pffft... LOL

Also, it's clichéd and probably a boring thing to say, as well as possibly not relevant until you're a good bit older than 19... but looks really are not everything. A great personality, someone who's interesting and intelligent (I really think you're both)... believe me these are of far more importance to anyone that really matters...