Cracking up

LegacyUser

This is all just going to pour out. I don’t even know where to start.

Am in my early 30’s. I work part-time and go to college part-time. I work my ass of to get money to live. The salary isn’t by any means great, but I make it work. I never miss work (sick days). I pay rent/bills when they are due. I pay college fees. Most my earnings go on trying to educate myself. If I didn’t do this, I may be driving a nice car or treating myself to something. I rarely go out.

Lately some things have been getting me down. The big problem is my partner. He is in his 30’s as well. He has been sick recently –genuinely in and out of hospital. He is better now which is great, but old problems seem to be resurfacing and am at breaking point. About 6 months ago he cleaned up his act money wise. He was always broke. Money wouldn’t be in his pockets 5 minutes and it would be gone. I sometimes had to tie him over. This annoyed me. We had massive rows about this. He eventually said he wanted to better himself. So he worked hard, saved a bit of money. Then the hospital stuff happened. He has no insurance so he has to pay for the hospital. He got a fine for parking his car in an undesignated area – he doesn’t have the money to pay this. He barely covered the rent this month – basically he doesn’t have a bean to his name. He couldn’t buy a roll of toilet paper if it was needed. He is as broke as the day he was born. This scares the s*it out of me. How are we supposed to manage? We were doing ok and all this happens. Am I bad for feeling like this? His parents aren’t here so no asking them for help. Whats getting me lately is that I have really started to think long and hard about things, and we seem to have different values on things which causes a lot of rows. I like to know where I am financially, what Ive got, what I haven’t, he doesn’t seem to give a fiddlers. I understand he was sick, but now its time for him to return to work cause I cant support both of us, not without me getting sick cause of all this pressure. He says his boss is ok about him returning to work but I don’t believe him. He has been laid off 3 times in the last 2 years and the way the economy is going he might not have a job anyways. My job is contract and is to end in 4 weeks. I don’t know if they will renew it. I see him as being lazy about things. He never went to social welfare even though the doctor gave him the forms. Now he is saying that someone has stolen money out of his account (about €400). I know it sounds like a story of the TV. I am at cracking point. I put on a happy face most days, but the façade is cracking.