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What can I say/do?

  • 16-11-2008 11:06am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey, I'm at a bit of a loss here what to say/do.

    Parents going through a divorce at the moment which even according to their solicitors is more bitter than the norm. It's being going on a long time and naturally both are pretty stressed about it. Over the last week or 2 my mum has been very up and down and getting upset/angry at a lot.

    Last she was getting angry about a lot of things and switching between angry and crying, she was in her room, my dad asked me to have a look in her room because he heard something, i go in and she's crying on her bed with all the pills she could find in the house popped into a dish talking about how it might sort it all for us if she didn't wake up.

    She insisted she didn't take anything. I didn't let her out of sight the rest of the night and her health didn't change at all, so i can only assume she didn't. She doesn't drink too much, definitely not an alcoholic or anything like that but she did say she had three glasses of wine, i'm not sure if it was more.

    This morning she's apologising saying it won't happen again.

    She has had no history of any depression or anything like that, not even close to it and i don't think it would happen again, but i'm worried that if me or my brother aren't here some night, my parents get into some sort of argument that gets her upset and not thinking straight, anything could happen.

    I'm not sure counseling will happen for a number of reasons, and i'm not sure it would be that beneficial even if it did, she has good friends who she talks things through with. I don't know what to do in this situation.


Comments

  • #2
    raemie21
    Closed Accounts Posts: 180 ✭✭raemie21


    I'm sorry you had to experience that, it must have been frightening but sounds like you handled it as best as anyone could.

    Is there another adult family member that you could talk to and maybe get some support from them?
    I think also have a long, proper chat with your Mum&Dad about it. It's not fair for you or your brother to have to live with that level of distress in the house and while both your parents are obviously having a hard time with their separation, it's not appropriate for the burden to be placed on your shoulders.
    And for your Mum - even if this seemed rather out of the blue and maybe she was never going to act on it, sounds like she's completely overwhelmed & she would benefit from seeing a professional. Explain how worried you were about her last night and even if she kinda brushed it away, insist that she checks in with a professional at least once.
    Best of luck.


  • #3
    paddy1mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39 ✭paddy1mac


    Firstly i'd like to say how sorry I am for your troubles. I went through a marriage break up myself 4 years ago and it is an absolutely terrible experience for everyone - parents, children and extended families.

    your parents from what I can gather are still living under the same roof and i know solicitors advise this but in my experience this adds to the stress so I moved out straightaway even though she had the affair ( i really shouldn't of had in this case as this gave her the upper hand) but for the sake of the kids it was the best thing to do as they were only 10 & 7 at the time.

    You dont state why they are separating but the stress of all this will not be helped by them being under the one roof.

    There should be no contact between them as much as possible as they will only be having pops at each other and ye all have gone through and are going to go through enough pain and hurt over the coming months until this reaches a conclusion.

    As regards what you can do all i can say is do not take sides. I'm sure you love both of them equally and now more than ever you need to show them this. Talk to them explain how you feel and tell them what effect this is having on you. Be there for them both, listen to them, hug them when they need you to. They will also be conscious of how they are affecting the family and this more than anything will be the hardest part.

    Things will get better with time and if as in my case we get on better now than when we were married things will work out but they need to be mature about the whole thing.

    I wish you and your family the best and look after yourself things will work out.


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