Failed Abortion

LegacyUser

I don't know where to begin with this one...but it's a mess. Basically in September I had a one night stand with a guy that turned out to be married (I found this out later). Stupidly we didn't use any contraception but the next day I went to the doctor and got the morning after pill, Levonelle. It didn't make me sick or anything so I was pretty confident that it had worked. I thought everything was solved and forgot about it.

A few weeks later I discovered that I was actually pregnant. I was shocked and upset but never considered keeping it and two weeks ago I had an abortion in Manchester. Afterwards something just didn't feel right - I did bleed but not as much as I was expecting, and when I came home I was starting to feel sick every day. I went to the Marie Stopes clinic in Dublin yesterday for a post abortion check up and reported the symptoms - they did a scan, and to my horror I'm still pregnant! The abortion failed.

I have to go through the whole thing again and I have no idea how I can cope with it a second time round.. and the big thing I'm really wondering is if I even should or what this really means. I'm booked in again in another two weeks but I can't help but wonder that if the morning after pill failed (with a supposedly 85% success rate) and if an abortion failed - and apparently only 1 in 100 fail - then maybe Im just incredibly unlucky or maybe Im meant to go through with this pregnancy?Thats what I cant get out of my head.. that maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I have no idea what Im supposed to do and I dont even know what I feel anymore...

Sorry for the long post and but my head is wrecked and I've never heard of this happening to anyone before,

Nevyn

I have never heard of that happening to anyone.
I am sorry to hear you are going through this, it sounds like you need to get yourself into crises pregnancy counseling with all the medical asap and figure out what you are going to do.

Cionnfhaolaidh

Hi OP.

I wouldn´t be too superstitious about this - it´s just coincidence that both methods failed.

I would be worried that there´d be a much bigger chance that the unborn would be brain damaged or have some other disability due to the past to attempts to abort.

Personally I would abort again, but if you are really having second thoughts deep down, seek immediate counseling and also make sure that the unborn is healthy and that there will be no complications.

Please wait for advice from others.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't know where to begin with this one...but it's a mess. Basically in September I had a one night stand with a guy that turned out to be married (I found this out later). Stupidly we didn't use any contraception but the next day I went to the doctor and got the morning after pill, Levonelle. It didn't make me sick or anything so I was pretty confident that it had worked. I thought everything was solved and forgot about it.

A few weeks later I discovered that I was actually pregnant. I was shocked and upset but never considered keeping it and two weeks ago I had an abortion in Manchester. Afterwards something just didn't feel right - I did bleed but not as much as I was expecting, and when I came home I was starting to feel sick every day. I went to the Marie Stopes clinic in Dublin yesterday for a post abortion check up and reported the symptoms - they did a scan, and to my horror I'm still pregnant! The abortion failed.

I have to go through the whole thing again and I have no idea how I can cope with it a second time round.. and the big thing I'm really wondering is if I even should or what this really means. I'm booked in again in another two weeks but I can't help but wonder that if the morning after pill failed (with a supposedly 85% success rate) and if an abortion failed - and apparently only 1 in 100 fail - then maybe Im just incredibly unlucky or maybe Im meant to go through with this pregnancy?Thats what I cant get out of my head.. that maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I have no idea what Im supposed to do and I dont even know what I feel anymore...

Sorry for the long post and but my head is wrecked and I've never heard of this happening to anyone before,

OP you were just really really unlucky,of the thousands it has worked for you were unfortunately the the person that hit both that 15% failure and 1 in 100 failure. Sorry to hear what your going through.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I had a similar story to yours. Took the morning after pill and it failed, and i became pregnant. Went to England and the abortion didnt fail but i continued to bleed when I came back. I had to go for another D&C here because it hadnt been properly done. I know this is different in that you have to go through with the act again, but I know what its like to get up on the table for a second time, and it was very tough.

When making the decision whether i should have the abortion in the first place i felt that, because the pill hadnt worked, then i was fated to have the baby. In the end I made my mind up differently.

One thing to keep in mind is that this is really in your hands, not in that of the fates. It is up to you to give equal measure and 50/50 thought to what having the baby would mean for your life and equally its life. Dont put yourself last in this decision, and equally dont put it down to fate. This is your choice.

I hope that you can make what you feel is the right decision. Its such a hard thing to go through, but you will come out the other side of this. Whatever you choose to do you will feel dramatically changed after the experience, but you will come out of this. I cant believe how far along Ive come and it hasnt been too long.

I wish you all the best.

kazziedal

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. personally I don't agree with abortion on any level. I sincerely wish you the best.

Scoobydoobydoo

Sounds to me like you need urgent counselling before you take another step, just to clear your head and make sure you know what you're doing because obsiously you're unsure. You've been through a trauma, don't forget, and I would understand, if it were me, how you could see it as a sign. To be sure, talk to someone who can ask you the right questions and get your mind very clear. You've been through so much, and it's not over yet, so you at least need to be sure that at the end of the day, you made the right choices for you, whatever way that takes you.
Get help for yourself & take care.

NewFrockTuesday

Hi OP

Im so sorry to hear you have to go through all that again. I agree with the not attaching superstition to it. Maybe you didnt take the pill precisely as you ahould have and as you see from anouther post there can be botch jobs. I know one girl that happenned to as well. So it does happen. Get yourself to the crisis counselling asap. There are people to see you through this and take it one day at a time until its over. Box things off in your head and deal with things in baby steps.

personally I don't agree with abortion on any level

Im sure youll find another thread to voice your opinion. What you think of it doesnt matter here so that really unhelpful and selfish of you to post that. :mad:

star-pants

OP that is an awful situation to be put in - I can see how you feel unsure as to how to proceed, superstitious or not I know in your situation I would think something of the same.

BUT you also must remember that you have to think this carefully, think of the pros and cons, and you'd be best to get to a counsellor and try and discuss all these confusing thoughts in your head before you make a decision either way. Just to get all your feelings on the subject out and make a more rational decision, not based on guilt or anything else.
Best of luck xx

Firetrap

OP, you've been desperately unlucky. I don't believe in all this fate stuff and neither should you. Sometimes sh!t just happens and it's not because it's supposed to happen to you specifically.

My immediate concern is that after taking the pill and having a botched abortion job, that the foetus has been damaged. That's a factor that needs to be taken into account.

The best thing for you, I think, is to go see a counsellor. The likes of the Well Woman etc.

NewFrockTuesday

A few years ago I took the morning after pill and then forgot to take the 2nd one. The OH dropped me down to the chemist and I was in tears thinking I could still be pregnant but have a damaged feotus if I was. I was absolutley terrified and in tears when I was explaining to the pharmacist what had happenned - and then he told me that it would be fine as the MAP is just an overdose of hormones and that if I was pregnant the feotus would be fine. Thankfully I wasnt. THE MAP has to be taken at very precise times - 12 hours apart as I remember - so it can fail and I suspect that it does but half the time its taken, its by younger women who dont fully know their cycle on an intimate basis as you do when you are late 20s onwards.


So negate the MAP maybe - and the failed procedure is just plain bad luck. Medical science is by no means perfect and from what I read you had an early procedure - if it were later, it would not have happenned.

Allah Hu Akbar

Deepsense wrote: »

Hi OP
Im sure youll find another thread to voice your opinion. What you think of it doesnt matter here so that really unhelpful and selfish of you to post that. :mad:

Jesus someone giving their opinion on a subject and you say it's wrong it's a public board after all? I'm against abortion myself as are most people in Ireland that's why it's illegal, it's your fault you got pregnant so you should deal with it, no offense or anything.

On a side note how would an abortion fail? Don't they suck the child out into a little jar thing and it's left to die? Or maybe you were giving the tablet.

rainbow kirby

Allah Hu Akbar wrote: »

Jesus someone giving their opinion on a subject and you say it's wrong it's a public board after all? I'm against abortion myself as are most people in Ireland that's why it's illegal, it's your fault you got pregnant so you should deal with it, no offense or anything.

On a side note how would an abortion fail? Don't they suck the child out into a little jar thing and it's left to die? Or maybe you were giving the tablet.

The OP's not looking for moral judgements, she's looking for practical support. You're not helping.

Suaimhneach

At this stage, of this thread, there is no room for debate on the topic of abortion. If you can offer support to the OP, then fine, but if your imput is zero, the pfo.

OP, that sounds like an utterly tragic experience and I admire your ability to still be dealing with this issue. I'd agree with everyone else, go get counselling asap. Before and after, for whatever decision you make.

Allah Hu Akbar

rainbow kirby wrote: »

The OP's not looking for moral judgements, she's looking for practical support. You're not helping.

Well sorry I'm just giving my opinion.

I'd honestly say why not keep it? I'm sure you're scared but I'd say you would have plenty of people to help you raise the child?

Remember once it's gone you won't get it back, I know women who had it done some regret some don't but remember it's something you have to live with for the rest of life.

kazziedal

Deepsense wrote: »

Hi OP

Im so sorry to hear you have to go through all that again. I agree with the not attaching superstition to it. Maybe you didnt take the pill precisely as you ahould have and as you see from anouther post there can be botch jobs. I know one girl that happenned to as well. So it does happen. Get yourself to the crisis counselling asap. There are people to see you through this and take it one day at a time until its over. Box things off in your head and deal with things in baby steps.



Im sure youll find another thread to voice your opinion. What you think of it doesnt matter here so that really unhelpful and selfish of you to post that. :mad:

I am very sorry i really didn't mean to appear selfish as that is the last thing i would be. I truly care about what this person is going through and simple stated my own opinion which I though I was entitled to do. again I apoligise for any hurt caused.

Nevyn

There is NO room for debate on the ethics or morals about abortion on this thread. If you wish to have such a debate then use the humanities forum,
and further posts on the vein will be deemed off topics and will result in a ban from this forum.

Nevyn

It could have been the case that the Op wasw preganat with twins and the only one showed up on the scan.

Please go and get couselling and make the right choice for yourself.
I am sure the clinic will bend over backward to help you as they do not want to be sued.

tunamill

My God, I am so sorry for what you are going through. My heart truly goes out to you in this difficult time.

I know this may be difficult, since the man who is the father is married, but have you told him anything about this?

Other than that, I think you really need to speak directly and openly with someone about what your options are. If you continue on with the pregnancy, would you keep your child and be willing to love and embrace him/her with all your heart? Or, would you be willing to go through the pregnancy and then give the child up for adoption?

As for going through another abortion, I would definitely talk to a medical professiional about this. You want to make sure that this does not affect your long-term chances of becoming pregnant, if that is something you want.

God bless you during this time. Please try to reach out to someone that you can trust and who won't judge you.

She Devil

OP, if the abortion had worked first time round you would be at home getting ready to get on with your life! Unfortunately for you, you poor thing it didn't. Now to get around the whole emotional journey of travelling again to correct the procedure is obviously going to take alot out of you. But if you weighed up the pro's and cons originally and decided that the abortion was the best way to go, then I would suggest that you stick to the route! It is obviously going to be very hard on you, but get a close friend who cares for you, you need someone to help you out in a time like this, you need to be pampered and you need to be loved. Your best friends will help you.
Good luck with it OP

Pythia

Things like fate don't come into this. It's just simple statistics that this will happen to a woman every once in a while and you're that person. Go ahead with your plans. You made the decision so you are just going ahead with what you decided. I know it's horrible having to do it again, but in my opinion it will be worth it in the end.

faceman

You are going through a tough time OP, but despite what you may think you arent the first woman to go through nor will you be the last unfortunately. Dont feel alone no matter what you chose.

Do you have people you can turn to? Family etc? Its important for you to be around those who can support you emotionally. No matter what you chose and no matter what the outcome is, I would recommend that you seek counselling either way, even if you chose to try abort again and it is a success. It will be important for you to be able to put some closure to what you are going through.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

To OP, you are having a difficult time and like all things, this will pass. Whatever you decide, I dont think you will have any regrets. The fact that the morning after pill and the abortion failed is a medical mistake. Dont let it decide your future because your future will be very different depending on what you decide. Dont be afraid to make your decision either way and follow through. Good luck and take care of yourself.

xzanti

kazziedal wrote: »

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. personally I don't agree with abortion on any level. I sincerely wish you the best.

Thread isn't about you though is it..

Best of luck OP, hope things go well for you..

Katgurl

jesus OP, you poor thing, so sorry to hear this has happened. I had an abortion myself a number of years ago, its heartbreakign enough without extra complications.

I don't know what to say to you except you'll get your way through it and sorry again, its really extra tough for you, really really sorry.

Zillah

That's a really awful thing to happen to you. The situation isn't changed though; if you want a child then keep it, if you don't then get the procedure again. There's no such thing as fate, you're just unlucky, please don't let that affect your decision.

Did you have anyone go with you last time? Could you have someone go with you this time?

LegacyUser

Please go and see a professional counsellor (independent of an abortion advisory centre judging from recent radio reports might be a good idea) and someone with medical background who can tell you the effects two failed attempts can have on your foetus. I completely empathise with your situation, please do not listen to those who only want to make comments for the sake of it. I would strongly advise you assess how you truly feel about the pregnancy, because when its gone its gone, and some of us have had lifechanging fall-outs from having gone through a procedure we weren't sure we should have had. Having said that, it may all work out well for you, but just make sure your decision is informed. And don't listen to unnecessary scare mongering. Good Luck.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

May I ask, for what reason would you go through with the abortion? Financial situation? What people might think? Career? Have you given it some real thought?

I would try stop any partner I had ever having an abortion. This is my personal opinion, keep the child. That is something you will never regret.

Zillah

Marshall Sweet Bun wrote: »

This is my personal opinion, keep the child. That is something you will never regret.

...unless she doesn't want a child. In which case she might regret it a great deal. Especially if it has suffered some permanent damage from the previous procedure.

I really have to disagree with any advice beyond "Get some counselling and work out what is best for you".

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Yes, of course, that would be best for me. Do what is best for you but do think about it. Like a lot.

LegacyUser

User - can you take the opportunity to spell-check when you post in future? Commas need spaces after them! Poor grammar, spelling and punctuation means people just won’t read you posts. Its also really unfair on people with reading difficulties.

Victor

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I found myself pregnant at 18. Dreaded telling parents. From a really strict catholic family. Baby’s dad was a complete nutter and even though he said he'd support us I was left on my own. Friends, family, baby’s dad and my own doctor were advising me to go for an abortion.

I chose not to. It was the best decision I've ever made. Times haven’t been easy since but I have a beautiful four year old son. Went back to uni and have just got my honours degree. Am pregnant again at the moment but found out my little boy won’t survive past birth. I would give anything to change this.

Don’t know the reasons you have for going for abortion but if its fear of being unable to cope on your own with a child you should think about reconsidering. Make sure you go for counselling and make an informed choice. Don’t go ahead with it to make other people happy. You’ll have to live with this decision for the rest of your life so make sure its right for you. Good luck.

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Original post

i found myself pregnant at 18......dreaded telling parents....from a really strict catholic family.......babys dad was a complete nutter and even though he said he'd support us i was left on my own.....friends, family, babys dad and my own doctor were advising me to go for an abortion...I chose not to.......it was the best decision I've ever made. Times havent been easy since but I have a beautiful four year old son.....went back to uni and have just got my honours degree.......am pregnant again at the moment but found out my little boy wont survive past birth...i would give anything to change this.....dont know the reasons you have for going for abortion but if its fear of bein unable to cope on your own with a child you should think about reconsidering......make sure you go for counselling and make an informed choice...dont go ahead with it to make other people happy...you'll have to live wit this decision for the rest of your life so make sure its right for you...good luck

Periscope

I also agree that you should visit a professional counsellor who is independent of an abortion advisory centre (I also heard that recent radio report.) It is important that you are listened to by a counsellor who will listen to your whole story and advise you about what is best for you to do. Also getting examined by someone with a medical background is important. People have said on the forum that your baby could be damaged but that is just speculation and getting examined by a doctor is the only way to determine this. If you are having serious second thoughts about having an abortion then talk to someone - family, friends or councellor. It is important that you do not regret your actions because you felt that you had no support.

dragona

Marshall Sweet Bun wrote: »

May I ask, for what reason would you go through with the abortion? Financial situation? What people might think? Career? Have you given it some real thought?

I would try stop any partner I had ever having an abortion. This is my personal opinion, keep the child. That is something you will never regret.

For crying OUT LOUD. Do you honestly think that a woman has an abortion without *thinking about it* a great deal? I have never heard such unhelpful drivel in my life - the OP doesn't want to know whether YOU think she should keep it or not. The OP had/has made her decision.Twice. And will probably make that same decision again. Good for her - it is hers and hers alone to make.So anyone else's opinion is irrelevant.
All the very best x

biko

I've nothing to add to the discussion but sympathy with you OP.