Relationship - to stay or go?

LegacyUser

The title says it all really - I don't know if what I'm feeling is just a passing phase / something worth walking away over / normal...

I've been with my bf for over 2 years - he treats me really well, tells me he loves me all the time, would do anything I asked of him, wants to spend time with me, truly believes in me etc.. basically on paper he's the perfect boyfriend.

However recently I've been having serious doubts about our relationship and it's totally thrown me as I was sure he was 'the one' and we had discussed life plans and were totally in synch about what we wanted in terms of the future, marriage, kids etc. Some of the problems I have are (a) I have my full licence and recently bought a car - he can't drive. That wouldn't be a problem as such except I end up driving him everywhere which is getting on my nerves. Also he seems to have no desire to actually learn because he "doesn't think he'd be good at it". I pointed out that if we were to have kids that would mean me driving them everywhere which I didn't think was very fair - he says oh we'll see but never gets around to doing it even bookin the theory test.

His dental hygiene is apalling - I don't think he ever brushes his teeth except when I'm staying over and ask him has he not brushed his teeth. It's at the stage where he has really bad breath and his gums bleed all the time but he won't go to the dentist. It's a real turn off and also gives me doubts about his potential to look after anyone else when he can't look after himself.

He essentially is a big mammy's boy in that he does everything she tells him o, never sticks up for himself or disagrees with her when she's saying something he doesn't agree with. He can't cook - I've asked him loads of times to try, and in the 2 years he has cooked for me twice while I have cooked for him countless times. Again an indicator of something I'm wary about for the future?

I'm not saying I'm perfect - I'm not. I can be crabby with him when any of this stuff happens, my sex drive is currently zero (it's hard to find him attractive when he has to eat mints before I can kiss him) so he's been very patient with that, but I don't know if I should stay or go...

I tried saying to him about a week ago that I wasn't happy - he asked me why and I couldn't enunciate all that. When I say anything negative to him he says "ok sorry" and literally hangs his head like a naughty child whose been given out to and that just makes me want to shake him. The whole night before I'd lain awake thinking I should leave him but when I told him I wasn't happy he said "do you still love me?" and "do you still want to be my wife"... and I said yes. I don't know though. The reason I said it is when he said that I immediately welled up and felt like I didn't want to hurt him. I don't know if that's because I still love him or what???

Sorry this is long and convoluted and I don't know what I'm asking for but I can't stay in this narky limbo with him any longer. I don't even know how to approach it with him

Wibbs

IMHO I think you've lost respect for him, because he has none for himself. You have lost pride in him as a boyfriend too. Hence your sex drive is zero. I dunno what to advise really. If he doesnt see this and change for himself then I can't see how it'll change. You can't do it for him. Don't think you can either. In fact if you do cajole him into some little change, you'll feel less for him. He needs to look at himself and see his issues and change. You may be waiting a while though. Tell him your concerns and tell him you will leave and are going to leave. Then leave it up to him. If he doesn't move forward in a way that's good for him, then you have your answer I reckon.

Smyth

reallydontknow wrote: »

"do you still love me?" and "do you still want to be my wife"... and I said yes. I don't know though.

You don't have an honest relationship and that's not bad....it's terrible. You seem to see him more as a child than a provider. If you have this many doubts, lay them on the table. If he has any sort of self respect, he'll leave on his own accord.

If not, I think it's up to you. I was once in a similar relationship..to the point where I despised the person. Get out before it's too late. Seriously.

LegacyUser

It seems like you have lost all attraction toward him and who could blame you if his personal hygiene is lacking, to be honest if the attraction is gone you will end up just like best mates more so b/f and g/f.
I think this relationship has run it's course, time to move on or buy him a big toothbrush for Christmas even better book him a Dental appt!