How do you feel about 'staying back'

Just running something by parents and teachers both...

Story is a friend's child started school straight after she turned 4 in september. A few years on, and her teacher recommended she stay back but the mother, also a teacher, disagreed so the child progressed into the next year.

Now I agree to a certain extent that a parent knows their child better than anyone else, but surely teachers don't suggest staying back without real reason? Is there still stigma attached to staying back these days? How do other parents feel about it?

byhookorbycrook

children cannot stay back without good reason. Parents start children too young often thinking they can always stay back. It has an awful effect on a childs' self esteem

Nevyn

Unless the child is really struggling I would not do it.
I had the same pressure put on my when my daughter started school a few months after she turns 4, firstly to delay her starting and then to make her repeat jr infants and then to delay her starting snr.

There was no accdemic reasons for it, she is bright enough and would have to adjust to
the drama of being seperated from her current class mates and having to get to know a whole new class.

I see what you mean Thaedydal. Friend's child has already been in 2 different schools so the stability of staying with her friends is probably particularly important in her case. That being said, she's falling behind a bit this year so may have to stay back next year anyway.

When I was in school, people who had stayed back were the exciting new girl in the class, but looking back it must have been very difficult for them to leave their old friends. I'd love to hear from people if it did effect their self-esteem, or their childs?

From the sounds of it, back in the day teachers were much more eager to have children stay back, not so much any more?
(EDIT: oops dunno how red angry face got there???)

Nevyn

Can the parent put in some extra work with them at home to help bring her up to speed ?
Seperate from home work time, with learning excerises and running over spellings and tables, readint together to work on the childs skills and vocab.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I've known some trachers to make some horrendous decisions based purely on "rules" and I'd imagine this one is thinking: "too young to progress; therefore stay back." Without thinking of the the child.

If the child is capable of going on to the next year, let them. If not, forcing them to redo work they can already do will only leave them bored and frustrated and it's only a matter of time before they start disrupting the rest of the class.

Her mother is doing extra work with her at home and she is a bright child, just not quite able to keep up with the others. She's getting in a bit of trouble in school for not finishing work and other things - getting up out of her chair on impulse etc. It may be particular areas she's falling down in, not quite sure! (should pay more attention myself shouldn't I!) Maybe given a few months she'll get back on track and the little issues will disappear.

I hadn't really thought through myself all the possible negatives of staying back, I suppose the flip side is, what happens to the child's self esteem when they can't keep up with the rest of the class?? I would have just thought, sure they'll make new friends! Easy to tell I've no children myself! But definitely it's a more complicated issue than I had realised...

Alfasudcrazy

Same thing happened to me when I was a youngster - repeated snr infants. I was devastated. It affected me all through school as I was always a year older than everyone else in my class. I am nearly 50 now.

I recommend not doing it - perhaps some private tuition might help. The disadvantages by far outweigh any advantages.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Deleted User wrote: »

Her mother is doing extra work with her at home and she is a bright child, just not quite able to keep up with the others. She's getting in a bit of trouble in school for not finishing work and other things - getting up out of her chair on impulse etc. It may be particular areas she's falling down in, not quite sure! (should pay more attention myself shouldn't I!) Maybe given a few months she'll get back on track and the little issues will disappear.

I hadn't really thought through myself all the possible negatives of staying back, I suppose the flip side is, what happens to the child's self esteem when they can't keep up with the rest of the class?? I would have just thought, sure they'll make new friends! Easy to tell I've no children myself! But definitely it's a more complicated issue than I had realised...

You sure she's not just bored in class? That might be the issue, rather than the child's age/ability. And if she's able to do the work, just not choosing to, then staying back won't work.

Don't have kids either, but used to work with them, but still guessing...

I think it's a bit of both because her mother is doing extra work with her, especially in Irish and maths I think but her concentration is definitely an issue too.

Alfasudcrazy, thanks for your response, I really didn't realise children could be affected that much by it. We had a family joke that my sister couldn't pass finger-painting! :eek: Maybe I should be talking to her.. although I think in her case it was def to her advantage to be a year older as she had specific difficulties and the added maturity stood to her right through secondary as well.

Seriously, I was wondering at the start "what was the mother thinking" and now I have a better idea... I just feel that bit sorry for a child that isn't keeping up and knows it, but you make a fair point, that if it's something that can be worked on at home it's probably best in the long run. I suppose the overall thing is you want a child to have as positive an experience as possible in school, however that's achieved.

amz5

It's very difficult to keep a child back. A teacher or principal cannot decide to keep a child back. A special case has to be made to the inspector associated with the school. Usually a child only stays back if they have been absent a lot, or if they are really struggling due to their age. A child is usually kept with their peers at all costs these days (These rules have only changed in the last few years).

E.T.

I'm a teacher and I've recommended that children repeat a year a few times before. There have been different reasons for this recommendation but each time I've made the recommendation for the child's benefit. I can't imagine that any teacher would recommend a child repeating a year just because they feel the child is too young. It's not going to benefit the teacher or the school in any way - the school won't actually receive the capitation grant for the child after 8 years so they lose out on this money which is spent on heating/art supplies etc. Ultimately the decision is up to the child's parents. The teacher can make their recommendation, but the school must have a letter from parents requesting that their child repeat the year.

E.T. : Did the parents usually agree with your advice? I suppose this case is slightly different because alot of parents might accept the teacher's advice as a professional, but my friend's a teacher too so she didn't see it that way.

E.T.

All of the parents were completely fine with the recommendations. I think they all realised that it was for their own child's benefit. I never insisted or pushed for a child to repeat the year (I don't call it staying back - I think that sound very negative) but I explained to the parents why I thought the child would benefit from repeating and told them to think it over and just put it in writing if they decided to have their child repeat.

I just re-read the original post - I think that a child who has just turned 4 in September is way too young for Junior Infants. I know from the kids in my classes over the years that any extra few months really stand to a child, no matter how intelligent they are. I can only think of one child offhand who was a young 4 and able to cope as well socially as the other children. I don't think some parents realise how important it is that their child is socially mature coming to school, it's very hard for some children to settle in to a routine, especially if they're too young to understand that the teacher's attention has to be divided between 30+ other children. They'll be in school and work for long enough, why not let them enjoy their free years!