Alcoholic,depressed parent

LegacyUser

I'm looking for some advice(while keeping this as anonymous as possible.

My bf's mother is an alcoholic, without a shadow of a doubt. Although his whole family know it, they won't do anything about it. I know it's more than likely fear that is stopping them but it is something that needs to be addressed before she ends up sick or worse.

Admittly she has had a terrible few years. She lost her son and brother-in-law 2 years ago . Then this year she lost her sister and father-in-law.

We all thought she was getting back on track, she started leaving the house more, she even got a part-time job.

But always, since I've known her (3.5yrs) she has been an alcoholic.

After her son died she was out of work for a year and has drank everyday since. Whether it be on her own or not. Her other son even caught her hiding empty bottles around the house.

When she is drunk she is the complete opposite of herself. She is emotionally unstable, mean, ignorant and tells stories to her kids of how bad their father is to her and how she wants a divorce etc. It's got to the stage where my bf and I don't like being around her as she drinks and starts giving out to us!!

Also last night was one of her sons birthday and she got really drunk and told me that we were all selfish and no-one noticed she tried to kill herself a few months ago.

It's taking a toll on everyone, and on my relationship as my bf is always worried about her.

what can we do before she gets sick or does try hurt herself!

Karen_*

I'm afraid I wouldn't have a clue what to do in this situation but a good place to get advice would probably be al-anon which is a support for family and friends of alcoholics. You can't make someone get help as it has to be their own decision but al-anon may be able to help you to broach the subject with either his mother or the family.
http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/

Flairpinnedme

sadly theres nothing you can do besides be supportive. telling someone they need help will not make much difference. they need to hit bottom and see it themselves. until they want to help themselves, there's nothing anyone can do.

metaoblivia

OP,
You and your bf can decide to not be around his mother when she drinks. If she asks why, you can tell her that you don't like her behavior when she drinks and choose not to subjected to it. There's no reason why you should have to put up with her when she gets out of line like that.
That aside, there's not much you or your bf can do. As Fairpinnedme said, addicts have to come to the realization that they need help on their own. You can't force them to get help or even recognize that they have a problem.

Nevyn

You can't help her if she doesn't want to be helped, you can talk to your bf and his brother into getting help fro themselves in dealing with her and that is where Al anon comes in.

Handsome Bob

She is going to have to hit rock bottom before she will even acknowledge she needs help. Trust me, from personal experience of dealing with people with an alcohol problem, there is unfortunately nothing you can do other than be there when she does hit rock bottom.

anniehoo

Have to agree with most of the posters above. All the worrying in the world for her wont do it, you'll stress yourselves out and make yourself sick. She has to do it herself. The words "rock bottom" are so true in this case. She has to want and need to do it for herself unfortunately. Not a pleasant situation to be in. Maybe have a talk with her when shes sober, explain what shes doing and that she needs a big wakeup call or else the people she has left around her wont be there for much longer ..enforce it that its her choice and nobody elses!

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am in same situation as your BF. My mother has alot of issues and she drinks. Has gotten worse in the last 3 years. She now doesnt leave the house and just drinks. For a long time no one in my family said anything and wouldnt confront her. Then one day I started speaking to my sister and found we all felt the same way. We were worried and wanted to help her. To cut a long story short each of us confronted her at different times about her drinking and nothing has changed. I have come to the realisation that she needs to help herself and nothing I say can change that. But what I do not do anymore is ignore her drinking and hide it like before. Now my family talk openly about it, how it makes us feel etc. At the moment my mother doesnt want to change but turning to my family has given me the support i need to deal with it. I suppose what I am saying is that your BF and his family should start communicating with each other. They shouldnt ignore it, they need to face up to the fact there is a problem and deal with it as a family.