Depression and suicidal thought

LegacyUser

right dont know where to start as it all seams so stupid.
i may rammbele on abit here but bare with me please
iv been geting more and more depresed since my teens and constantly have thoughts of killing myself.

i feel im a compleate failure !
im 28 years old,have no girlfiend,do a ****ty job that only pays 19K a year and have a slight weight issue [4 stone over weight]

lately theres not a week goes by that i dont think of toping myself [pref with a gun if i could get 1 or something quick]
the only thing stoping me is the thoughts of what i would leave behind.

thing got quite bad for me just over a year ago when 2 friends both hung themself 6 weeks apart,neather had ever meet each other.
sue was a casual sex partner and some1 i cared quite deeply about,the other peter was a kinda close friend that i felt understood me and someone u wouldant think would do it

there were the last in a string of ppl i felt close to that have died includeing my father when i was 6 [drunk driver knocked him down] and my aunt mary who was more like a 2nd mother to me 7 years ago [hart attack]

not long after my aunt passed away my girlfriend at the time broke up with me whitch left me in an even worse state.
it was over 2 years later that i got involved with sue,thing were very good then as i felt very happy with her,she was there when i needed someone to cuddel or talk with,she had her owen share of problums and we helped each other.but then things went downhill for her in the space of 3 months [i blame the change in the anti-depresants she was takeing]
after her death i was inconsolabell,then just 6 weeks later my friend peter done the same,even tho the last person talking to him said he was in good spirits as useawell,that was only a few hours before he was found.

now for the job,i work as a cleaner and have been in the same place over 4 years now,iv goten so fedup with it now that some mornings when i dont feel like geting out of bed ill just ring in sick or show up late,needles to say managment arent happy with me even tho when im there im a excelant worker.my boss knows i have problums with depression but im afrade ill push him to far and he'll fire me.
iv no other real skill as i left school before my jun cert and jobs are hard to get nowadays particuly with my passt work history.

as for friends,iv none in work as the only person i was close with has moved back to scotland as her marrage broke up,she was like an older sister to me as im an only child.
ya i have a few other close friends [most of them iv knowen for over 13years]
but there ALL in commited loved up relationships and dont seam very interested]
that just leaves my mother who shares the house with me,tyipicly if shes out im in or vis-a-versa.so we never realy get to talk altho she knows i can be quite depressed at times.
when i wake up in the morning shes asleep and when i come home shes just gone to work.

i just get so lonely athome on my owen,im a member of a club but even there i feel like an outsider,even tho im one of the main ppl in it.

as i said i have no idea why i posted this or what i expect of it i just felt like posting it somewhere and as id doubt any1 on here would know me .........................

RossFixxxed

Right, this is way beyond anything that I can do or say on an Internet forum.

You HAVE to go get yourself professional help NOW. No hesitating. This is far too serious. There is help out there and there is definitely ways to help yourself and be happy again. Belive me on this!

Look go now, feel free to PM me if there's more you need, but just go out and get help now. You say you have things you'd leave behind, you've seen the effect that these actions have! Get it sorted now. I've been that soldier and I have come through it and I am so thankful I did.

R

Wibbs

RossFixxxed wrote: »

You HAVE to go get yourself professional help NOW. No hesitating. This is far too serious. There is help out there and there is definitely ways to help yourself and be happy again. Belive me on this!

Look go now, feel free to PM me if there's more you need, but just go out and get help now. You say you have things you'd leave behind, you've seen the effect that these actions have! Get it sorted now. I've been that soldier and I have come through it and I am so thankful I did.

R

Nail hit squarely on the head and from RossFixxxed who has gone through similar and is out the other side. You need to get professional help and as RossFixxed wrote the sooner the better. the sooner you do it, the sooner you can get help and start to move on and have the life you want and deserve. You wouldn't walk around on a broken leg, you would see a doctor who would sort it. Same thing. Going for help and guidance is the first step to a good life.

The Black Oil

Can't really anything to what's already been said. It's far from stupid, OP.

Please get help and get the support you need.

LegacyUser

I just stubbled across this site only seconds ago.. its in my favourite and to be honest i dont know why ... first thing i read was this thread....

Hunni as the other 2 say you do need to talk to someone and please please do it soon .... I would advise talking to your mum but definitely talk to a professional too... Im a mother if my son was feeling as you do it would really really hurt me especially if you did something to hurt yourself ....

trixy

Hi

My brother was in this position over a year ago and he told us all how he felt and he went and got help. To this day he thanks us, there is no taboo and or stigma against feeling like this. Sometimes life just takes over and some people deal with things differently, my brother is obviously like you and couldn't deal with 'life'.
Believe me when I say, things are NEVER that bad even though it may seem like that now.

I really really ask you to please go and speak to your GP, if you want to confide in someone you can bring them along with you.
I know the medical profession get a lot of stick lately but without them god knows where my brother would be now and believe me I don't want to think like that.

He is from a loving family and am sure you are too and we are always here for him day and night as yours are.

He is doing great now and is on medication now and again to help him get through difficult times.

Please speak to someone and try to look forward and not back as hard as that sounds.

sam34

op, go to your gp. if you dont have one, go to your nearest a&e, and ask to see the on-call psychiatrist, that way you will get linked into the services.
there is help there for you.
good luck