Girl from dating site??? What to do ???

corkkev

I have recently been texting a girl i met on a dating website. Have been texting her for almost two weeks now but anytime I suggest meeting she gets cold feet. She seems happy to text me all day but never meet. I have also spoken to her on a few occasions.

I have suggested meeting during the day somewhere public in case she was nervous but she always seems to avoid answering the question and avoids the issue like the plague.

Somedays i dont text her at all but she then gets in contact with me. Have tried to work out whats going on but to be honest I'm kind of lost as to what to do.

If she has a boyfriend fair enough i could understand her not wanting to meet but my big fear is that she isnt who she says she is and is just winding me up

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what i should do or know anyway I might be able to find out if she is in fact who she says she is

This is wrecking my head as she seems really nice!!

Any replies would be great

Thanks

mayordenis

time for an ultimatum me thinks.

psycho-hope

speaking form personal experience, I think your going to need to ask her out straight if she has any intention of meeting you

corkkev

I've tried the ultimatum sort of Denis - dont want to be too rude either! Get no response - then texts me something innocent a bit later! My fear to be honest is that she is younger than she claims - any details she gives me about herself are sort of sketchy! But lets say she is who she says she is for arguments sake - would a female keep texting if she wasnt interested???

Have done that too Psycho-hope , she says she might but is a bit nervous yet! How long is a relistic amount of time to wait or should i just ignore her and delete her number??

psycho-hope

CorkKev, I met my current BF on a dating site, we had only talked for a week before we met, but with other guys it was anything up to a month no longer than that tho
hope that helps
PH

corkkev

so do you reckon i should keep in contact with her or what psycho-hope?? I feel perhaps I have told her too much about myself already. She also got a bit of info on me from Bebo and Facebook :rolleyes: yet I dont really know anything specific about her that i could pin down as definitely being true - she knows where i work from a comment someone left on Bebo

psycho-hope

I'd say go with you gut feeling Kev if you think theres something odd about her behaviour then there probably is, there was one or two people i was ment to meet and i backed out because i felt uncomfortable about it as the time go closer

MCMLXXXIII

*From previous personal experience* she probably is already in a relationship.

...and if she's not, then she's not ready to be in one.

But the former is most likely...

corkkev

If she was already in a relationship why is she still texting me?? To be honest at this stage I just want to see if she really is who she says she is - dont even think i want to date her :-0 . I just want to meet her to see if she is real - so even if she had a bf what harm could it do to meet as friends - i'll have to have a long think about this one!!

BraziliaNZ

I tried this internet thing once. You talk to girls for ages and none of them want to meet. Just forget about it. Try and pick one up elsewhere.

thats_life

think you should pull the plug on this one....either its her first time or she's loving this attention. move on i reckon and privatise ur bebo etc..

corkkev

Yeah i privatised the Bebo today - needless to say she noticed and said it to me and of course she DOESNT have Bebo or Facebook - convenient enough!!

She just text me there at 4am - she knows i work nights as i told her . I just dont understand what she is playing at - if she was playing games would she not be sick of it after a week or so????

LegacyUser

It might just be the case that she is nervous about what you will think of her.

Have you seen her picture? If you have, it may be the case that it is an overly flattering picture. If not, she may feel you will look unfavourably on her.

shoegirl

corkkev wrote: »

I have recently been texting a girl i met on a dating website. Have been texting her for almost two weeks now but anytime I suggest meeting she gets cold feet. She seems happy to text me all day but never meet. I have also spoken to her on a few occasions.

Hate to sound cold hearted but she is wasting your time. If she won't meet you after 2 weeks chances are its never. Some people get their kicks out of endless texting and messaging and stringing things out. I'd look elsewhere if I were you.

Wibbs

corkkev wrote: »

If she was already in a relationship why is she still texting me??

Boredom/attention/wants to leave relationship... Delete where applicable.

so even if she had a bf what harm could it do to meet as friends

I'm sure the boyfriend would love that. Could get sticky.

AngryBadger

OP in my experience if someone is putting you off for this long there's probably a good reason, she may not be interested, she may not have been honest about herself with you, or whatever. Bottom line, if you've been in touch for 2 weeks there's no reason for her not to meet you. As you said somewhere public.

Think about it, if she met you in a club, or at a party or whatever she'd probably be more inclined to meet up with you. The mere fact that you've met through an internet site doesn't really change the dynamic, in fact if anything it should allow her to feel safer than she would actually be if she had met you in a more public setting.

Booyaa!

von Neumann

Yea sounds very suspect,

If she's wrecking your head before you've even meet her.....this doesn't bode will for a relationship.

I would say it time for a pleasent exit, start discussing other girls you've been chatting to and she'll take the hint.

I think a lot of what goes on, on dating sites in just ego rubbing, (particularly for girls).

killeoin

Hi OP...

What I would do here (assuming you both are from the same area) is probe the girl a bit as to where she socialises...nothing much but when the weekend is coming ask her where she's heading out etc...Just tell her your going there as well and that you might bump into her at some stage of the night...Judge here by her reaction, if excuses are suddenly forthcoming then I really would cut my losses as at present you seem to have done all the giving with telling her your bebo etc...
If she's not going out or doesn't really then I would be inclined to think a) she has a boyfriend or b) she's underage.

AngryBadger

killeoin wrote: »

Hi OP...

What I would do here (assuming you both are from the same area) is probe the girl a bit as to where she socialises...nothing much but when the weekend is coming ask her where she's heading out etc...Just tell her your going there as well and that you might bump into her at some stage of the night...Judge here by her reaction, if excuses are suddenly forthcoming then I really would cut my losses as at present you seem to have done all the giving with telling her your bebo etc...
If she's not going out or doesn't really then I would be inclined to think a) she has a boyfriend or b) she's underage.

hmmm this is treading a very fine line between acceptable curiousity and getting stalker-ish. The OP has been in touch with this girl for a few weeks, surely by now he would have some idea where she likes to go drinking?

corkkev

Right I've decided i'm going to kick this one into touch ! Have thought about it and its just not worth the hassle- i dont mind texting to be honest and dont mind the attention myself but its going nowhere!

LegacyUser

ever tried ringing her and actually speaking to her?

drunkymonkey

corkkev wrote: »

I have also spoken to her on a few occasions.

he did! :rolleyes:

AnonoBoy

Do you know what she looks like? Have you chatted online via video chat?

If not then I'd be thinking that she's not who she says she is - or has told you she's a stunning swimwear model or whatever when in fact she's Mary Harney's little sister.

Forget it.

homerun_homer

Quit, delete her number. You've nothing to lose, just find someone else who isn't so strange about meeting. It's not like you're messing up a long friendship.

kmick

Perhaps she is bed bound due to her weight issues.

gets coat...

corkkev

She doesnt have a cam either :rolleyes:. i have chatted on msn! i give up on this one!!!!

towel401

2 weeks seems like an awfully short time before you meet up with someone from a site.

LegacyUser

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I tried this internet thing once. You talk to girls for ages and none of them want to meet. Just forget about it. Try and pick one up elsewhere.

Gotta say I agree.
There's a whole world of people out there who will chat online and send endless texts rather than have a real conversation with someone.

Texts and MSN can't replace face-to-face contact, you can't pick up tone in a text. You also have NO idea who you're dealing with. You can pretend to be anyone you want to be on the internet.

We're becoming a society where actually speaking to a person is like the 'final hurdle' instead of a starting point.

I have a friend who is addicted to internet chat and dating. She'll chat to a guy for a while, tell me he seems like a nice fella and meet him. If he doesn't impress on that first date, she gives him the flick.
That's despite all the online chat and the laughs and the texts. It's a long, long build up to what's ultimately the live 'audition'.
In real life, at least you've met the person face-to-face before you go on that date.

I'd forget about this girl, she doesn't want to meet you.

Firetrap

corkkev wrote: »

Right I've decided I'm going to kick this one into touch ! Have thought about it and its just not worth the hassle- I don't mind texting to be honest and don't mind the attention myself but its going nowhere!

Good on yer. Make sure to delete her number as well, just in case you're tempted to send another text. Better luck next time!

Wibbs

kmick you'll be getting your coat for a week if you dont stay on topic.

boarddotie

corkkev wrote: »

would a female keep texting if she wasnt interested???

They would and I have. Its terrible I know but sometimes us girls just want someone to be texting when they are bored and no one else is texting or the feel a bit lonely.
I would just tell her 'look, i like texting and chatting with u but TBH Im looking for a date (or GF or whatever) and Im not interested in having someone to just text'. See what happens then.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

corkkev wrote: »

I have suggested meeting during the day somewhere public in case she was nervous but she always seems to avoid answering the question and avoids the issue like the plague.

I seemed to be in a similar situation a few years ago myself. It actually turned out that she was just really nervous about meeting up and had never done this kind of thing before. I know what you mean, the girl is Hot N then Cold, and we're not talking about a Katy Perry song lol! She wants to talk but is worried about meeting up....and even when she does you may get mixed messages the first time...but there a few things I should pass onto you as a bit of advice

A. The girl might be insecure about her appearance, and feel that you seeing her in "real life" would be a letdown for you....
B. She may have a boyfriend and just want a casual "text sex" relationship with another guy
C. She may be "meeting" a guy, doesnt really know how she feels, but doesnt wanna chance being spotted out with you just in case it gets back to him
D. She may just want to see how the relationship progresses
E. She holds less importance on a meetup then you, and doesnt feel it means anything in the short term, and is happy to wait a while
F. Her friends have warned her you could be anybody and despite your assurances she still listens to her stupid, nagging, friends
G. She actually knows you, through a friend of a friend, and while she likes you there is a small chance you may have dismissed her in the past as someone you wouldnt be interested in and if thats the case you have very little you can do about that but it would be very coincidental if thats the case

Granted a lot of those are a lot more depressing then hopeful, but for your sake i hope it works, and if it does I wish you a happy relationship. I am sure that she simply wants to wait a little more than two weeks before you meet up

corkkev

So basically an update - told this girl politely that i wasnt interested in just texting - yet she is still texting me. She never makes clear what she wants - very evasive with details - What to do? what to do?????

Firetrap

Just don't reply back to her. I'm a woman. I know women who are born headwreckers and just text lads for the sake of it.

MissThing

corkkev wrote: »

So basically an update - told this girl politely that i wasnt interested in just texting - yet she is still texting me. She never makes clear what she wants - very evasive with details - What to do? what to do?????

This young 'lady' is not very curteous to you and is giving internet dating for you/others a bad experience. In my opinon I'd not bother to respond, but going forward, don't put all your eggs into one basket, in fact contact lots of girls and meet for coffee in town rather than an evening date. I met my OH throug the internet and met for coffee, I had mentioned prior to the meeting that I had to meet a friend later that afternoon so there was a 'time' limit on it. The coffee turned into 4 and a walk in the park and the next week we took our internet profiles down.

You seem like a nice chap, don't let people disrespect you or yank your chain for their own amusement. Good luck
MT

Wibbs

Stop being that version of polite. If she texts again, just reply, "hiya, would you like to meet this weekend(whenever). Just texting is beginning to get old"

If she replies in the negative or beats around the bush, then txt back "OK that's cool. I'd prefer you didn't text me again. Thx". If she continues just ignore completely

wasper

Call her & ask her to meet you. Tell her that has been avoiding the subject. Ask her is she with someone else? if so then tell that I don't want to waste your time or hers.
If she is not then tell that we can't go on hiding behind text messages.
If you are not happy with her response then drop her & move on.

Papillon87

Wibbs wrote: »

Stop being that version of polite. If she texts again, just reply, "hiya, would you like to meet this weekend(whenever). Just texting is beginning to get old"

If she replies in the negative or beats around the bush, then txt back "OK that's cool. I'd prefer you didn't text me again. Thx". If she continues just ignore completely

+1

This is exactly what you should do, OP.

Nothing worse than these hot and cold/indecisively evasive types, be they male or female.

Snowie

Wibbs wrote: »

Stop being that version of polite. If she texts again, just reply, "hiya, would you like to meet this weekend(whenever). Just texting is beginning to get old"

If she replies in the negative or beats around the bush, then txt back "OK that's cool. I'd prefer you didn't text me again. Thx". If she continues just ignore completely

I agree but i can't give the thumbs up ....