A question about lesbian dating.

Weidii

I was thinking about this today and it has me a bit worried.

Before we start, I'm a girl. :pac:

Basically, when you're a girl and you're dating guys there are certain expectations as to the role that both people play, ie the guy will usually be the one to ask the girl out, the guy will usually be the one who offers to pay (whether or not you let him), the guy will usually be the one who walks/drives the girl home.**

I've been thinking about asking a girl out, but having had no experience taking women out before, I'm a bit confused as to some of those expectations. If I ask her out and then offer to pay would it make me seem manly? Do I walk her home?

I know these questions may seem juvenile coming from a 22 year old, but I have never had experience dating women and I'm genuinely worried about little things like these.


**Please don't complain about me generalising here, I know in this day and age it's not always the man who asks the woman, etc. I'm just using these as examples to demonstrate my confusion about the roles played in a lesbian dating situation.

Zaph

I think you might get a few more answers in the LGB forum.

Moved from The Ladies Lounge (but feel free to move it back if it's not really appropriate)

Weidii

Ok, I was originally going to post it in the LGB forum, but I suppose I was looking for female response and I know I'd get plenty of that in the ladies lounge. Whatever you think is best.

Zaph

Fair enough, although the vast majority of women there are straight, so I wouldn't have thought that they'd have much experience of lesbian dating conventions.

I've no problem with it back there, if the mods would kindly do their thing.

Nevyn

Thare are believe it or not both bi women and lesbians that post here, I am sure you will get answers.

spurious

Some gay women very much like to be taken care of and would be delighted if you offered to pay on a first date. Most would not like it to continue with you paying for everything every time (though of course there are spongers), but the odd time is nice. Generally I work on a shared basis, unless the lady insists she pay, for a present or special occasion or similar.

I knew a woman once who liked her date to order from the menu for her - it was all part of the 'scene' she liked to set.

You can play 'boy-girl' roles if you like, but most women find their own way of doing things. There are not really any rules.

Weidii

spurious wrote: »

You can play 'boy-girl' roles if you like,

I wonder how you figure out who takes which seat? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable as the "boy", though I'm not sure I'd be entirely comfortable as the girl either (when it comes to dating women)... I suppose some sort of happy medium would be best, though I'm just not sure how to know if the other person would expect me to do the boy/girl thing... Or how to find that happy medium if the other person does expect me to behave in a certain way.

I really do think too much about these things.

spurious

If she wants you to play and you're going to be 'boy', it's fairly easy spot the signs. She will wait for you to buy her a drink, leave all the choices up to you, etc.

It's often necessary for SOMEONE to make a decision, as with some women you get into the annoying
- Where would you like to go for a drink?
- You choose, I don't mind
- No, you choose
- No you choose
head-wreck.

Just be you - you'll be fine. Don't think about it all too much.

DenMan

Hi Weidii

Just be yourself. There isn't really any point in playing the boy/girl approach initially. I have a lot of friends who are lesbian and they are always themselves. After a while if things are going great for the two of you, you can assume roles, should you wish to do so. As for right now you should be who you are and be comfortable with that. Have fun.

Weidii

Thanks for the comments. I'd say you're right, I just need to relax. I'm just worried that if it's me who asks her out on a date, there'll be an expectation there for me to take the "mans" role...

spurious

There won't be any such expectation just because you asked her out.
Have a great time.

grotty

If I even got a sniff that there was any of this role playing business going on, I would be completely out of there. So I suppose you need a bit of background on what sort of girl she is before you choose your approach. I see Lesbian relationships as much more balanced, and I see that as a good thing. Essentially you choose where you go for food one night, and she chooses the next night. As for the who walks someone home etc,all you can do is offer the first night. It's good if you have an excuse, like "it's on my way home, sure I might as well walk you..." etc. Hope the date goes well!

dreamer_ire

I agree with grotty... the most inportant thing is to be yourself, the last way to start off on a potential relationship is by "playing" a role that simply isn't you. I prefer a relationship to be equal, sure you will both have different strengths etc but they need to balance out. The only way you can get to that stage is by being honest and being yourself.

First dates can be scary.... but they are also very exciting, it doesn't matter if it's your 1st or your 21st! Enjoy it and let us know how you get on *s

shoegirl

If she's 20 years older than you and on 200k a year, I wouldn't object to letting her pay for you. I'd watch out for dykes who expect you to pay for them, there are loads of spongers out there looking for a meal ticket.

Best bet is if you both pay for yourselves, thats what I am mostly used to, anyway.