Different ambitions-mine and his

LegacyUser

I am in a relationship with a guy a bit older than I am. He is about 13 years older which hasn't really been an issue until now. During his life he has travelled , been carefree and lived abroad for a few years.He set up his own business and continues to travel where and when he wants(within reason due to his business) I am not yet 30 but have spent much of my life looking after my immediate family.My childhood was almost non existant as there was a lot of serious tension some violence and emotional abuse in the house as I was growing up.I went to college and have worked since. In college I got a loan and have only just recently finished paying it off. I feel that for most of my life I have had responsibilities and put other peoples needs bfore my own.
I thought that next year 2009 would be my year ( if you know what I mean) I want to see new countries and spend time living abroad.I do not want to end up with regrets about the things I really wanted to do but never got around to doing.. I would be so disappointed with myself if my life's achievements left me here , in the same town surrounded by the same people doing the same things all the time.
My problem is my boyfriend. His ambition is to have a house in the country with a kid he can go adventuring with etc. He finds it impossible to understand that a person especially a woman may have ambitions other than motherhood. Now I think I would want kids in the furture but before I even think about that there are all these other hopes I want to fulfil.He is however older than I am and I am starting to feel guilty that if I do all the things I want to do and we stay together it will be too late for him to be a dad.
I really really want to be with him but I also want to fulfil all the ambitions I have for myself.
What will I do? How do I even begin to tell him that I want to feck off on an adventure for myself : ) without hurting him.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Unless he comes with you, your only option is to basically take a break. I don't think its fair to expect him to wait around while you go away for a year. He could resent you, or even cheat on you, if you try to work long distance without seeing each other.

On the other hand, if he was willing to go with you, would you be ok with that?

mollyoh

I wanted to travel but my ex didnt so hence I didnt we have since broke up after 12 years and my one big regret is that I didnt do my travelling. Now I feel its too late with my career, mortgage etc. So my advice to you is to go do your travelling or else you will regret it. If he loves you he will respect that and wait for you or he will go with you (even meet you halfway!)

JDLK

I went travelling once- backpacked around Europe for 3 months. To be honest it wasnt all I thought it was going to be- everyone says travelling is "amazing" and its such a "mind opening experience"- its kinda boring, well its alright but I think people overstate it.

Anyway, if he still travels when he can why dont you go with him when he does? in any case if you arent ready for a child and travelling is on your mind then somethings gotta give. Can you go travelling and when he's fre he can come visit you?

Glowing

JDLK wrote: »

I went travelling once- backpacked around Europe for 3 months. To be honest it wasnt all I thought it was going to be- everyone says travelling is "amazing" and its such a "mind opening experience"- its kinda boring, well its alright but I think people overstate it.

That's cos you went to Europe!! Asia is a whole different ballgame. In my mind, there is no comparison!

Just go - even for 6 months, better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't do.

herya

Can you go travelling on your own for a shorter period of time than you normally would (couple of months not a whole year) and then try and travel with him as often as possible? Surely he won't keep you chained to the bedpost in your new house? Travelling is great but if you can share it with a person you care about it might be even better.

MIN2511

Why don't you go travelling for 3 months and see if you like it, some people do and others don't.
I am not the travelling type i think the height of it for me would be to travel around Asia for 3months. Why don't you go for 3months and if you want to do the whole year you have to accept that he may not be waiting for you when you get back.

b3t4

Unregistered wrote: »

He finds it impossible to understand that a person especially a woman may have ambitions other than motherhood.

Alarm bells are going off in my head and they should be in yours.

What else does he expect of you simply because you are female?

Option A

Break up with him.
Go travelling.
If you're relationship is as good as you say it is then it'll recover from the break up and on your return your relationship may develop again.

Option B

Do not break up.
Do not go travelling.
Settle down next year.
Have baby the following year.

Option is A is what I would suggest as Option B will more than likely have you feeling trapped and cause you to resent your partner.

What's for you won't go past you.
A.