How to say this politely..........

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I am on an internet dating site and sometimes when I come across a profile there isnt a photo, when I request a photo then I find I sometimes am not attracted to this person, how do I say this to him in a nice way, without hurting his feelings?Thanks in advance.

LegacyUser

put your self in the shoes of someone trying to find a way to tell you they were not attracted to you. How would you like to hear it?

Muggy Dev

No pic...no chat.

Avoids complications later.

towel401

don't bother with profiles that don't have a photo. they are usually bad news anyway

LegacyUser

You're not my type - the old ones are the best!

TheZohanS

You could try;

"Thank you for your photo, you're a handsome/attractive man/woman but you'd be more my friends type than mine. You're exactly the type they go for".

Then end conversation.

futura123

TheZohan wrote: »

You could try;

"Thank you for your photo, you're a handsome/attractive man/woman but you'd be more my friends type than mine. You're exactly the type they go for".

Then end conversation.

that comes across quite patronising

lolli

Op,

Just be honest, people would prefer that than you leading them because you are too afraid to tell them you are not attrached to them.

Curvy Vixen

I think that if looks are that important to you then you should either avoid 'no photo profiles' or ask for one in the first mail...

And I know that looks are important but I've been out with people I would never consider 'my type' and generally they get a lot more attractive the more interaction I have with them.

If you have a certain amount of a connection by mail already then their looks shouldn't be the deal breaker so request one upfront to see if they are worthy of your attention.

Overheal

Asking for the first mail to include one is a good policy. Leave it too long, and then find out there isnt an attraction, then its a waste of both of your time.

I am on an internet dating site and sometimes when I come across a profile there isnt a photo, when I request a photo then I find I sometimes am not attracted to this person, how do I say this to him in a nice way, without hurting his feelings?Thanks in advance.

In that situation, sometimes its just as good to say nothing at all. Its cold, but it doesnt run the risk of burning the poor fellow.

John Mason

hey, have to got a photo you can send me ?

simple, done the whole internet thing for a while myself

Silverfish

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

hey, have to got a photo you can send me ?

simple, done the whole internet thing for a while myself

She's not asking how to ask for a photo. She's asking how to politely let people down after seeing their photo.

petethebrick

Why do you have to say anything to them- I thought the way it worked online was that if you're not interested you just don't reply to them again. They get the hint but dont have to hear anything negative about themselves^^

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies guys, I know I could just not reply to them when they send a photo, but I think that is very rude, that has been done to me and I dont think much of it.

Marksie

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for your replies guys, I know I could just not reply to them when they send a photo, but I think that is very rude, that has been done to me and I dont think much of it.

Photos are useful, but can be misleading in any event.

How would you like someone to tell you you are not their type?

Directly?
"hi, its a great photo but your not my type"

indirectly.

"I am only looking around at the moment, but thanks for the photo."

or more openly

"your not my type, but feel free ro chat to me"

boarddotie

I was trying to figure this out a while back too and i just decided that not replying was the best option. But it is horrible especially if you have built up a rapport with the person for a few days and longer and then suddenly, because you have seen the picture, you decide you want no more contact. The whole internet dating is a cut-throat business so unless you just want some nice fella to be chatting/emailing to and to pass the time with, then just dont reply.

And I know some people will say that you cant judge from the picture, but lets face it. People tend to put up their best photo on the site, so if you are not attracted to their best photo there isnt much hope.

TheZohanS

futura123 wrote: »

that comes across quite patronising

You may have a point there but telling someone that you don't like how they look is always going to be a sore subject.

Maybe you can suggest an alternative...

LegacyUser

Well I think honesty is the best policy here, just say that they are not your type and I am sure the other person will appreciate your honesty no matter how bad it seems, otherwise totally ignoring them seems a bit disrespectful.........At least you make the effort to explain rather than ignore them........my humble opinion.

Chittybangbang1

its better if you know where you stand but having said that, I met my fella over the net and his pic wasn't the best but i gave him a chance - personality can win you over.

LegacyUser

That's hurtful. Go on the date. You really can't tell from photos. He might have great charm and presence. Or have a smile that will one day be only for you. If you don't like him, then behave badly and give him the satisfaction of saying the magic wasn't there or something equally pathetic.

LegacyUser

I think its always better to reply in some form or other- i've tried the internet dating scene and i send a photo if requested but 9 times out of ten,i don't hear back from the guy. now i get taht they don't find me attractive but i do look better in person - i just don't take a good photo- i'd much rather get the closure of a thanks but no thanks email. Its all pretty shallow really but thats the way of the world.
to be honest i do judge guys on their photo too but i would still meet them in real life- photos can be very different from the reality!

Wolf

lolli wrote: »

Op,

Just be honest, people would prefer that than you leading them because you are too afraid to tell them you are not attrached to them.

Ah, sorry love it's just the fact that your face looks like a bag of spanners... covered in poo....on fire.

Ye that will work.

Muggy Dev

Muggy Dev wrote: »

No pic...no chat.

Avoids complications later.

Alas...it did´nt screen out the nutters though.:mad:

MJOR

Right okay well everyone is different right? I'd be slow to dimiss anyone on the basis of a photo. But having said that you could say Thanks for the pic, but i think we'd be better off as friends. That's just getting to the point.


I have ooodles of internet dating horrors but me my hubby to be and I met it on the net and I have never looked back. Incidentally I sent him a pic of me in hoodie with no makeup (although i had a tan).

radioactiveman

OP you're one in a million
Most people in this situation on those sites, in fact all practically, just never respond. Never. Like it never happened.