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Who should I talk to?

  • 09-11-2008 4:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am married a few years now and as yet have no kids. I know I love my husband at some level but I am not sure it is in a romantic way. As we were young when we got together (18) and married (24) I think I am beginning to see that we are two completely different people.

    Now my problem is not about what I should do it is about who I should talk to. I have tried to talk with d/h but without telling him the full unabridged truth he seems to not get what I am trying to say but if I spell it out for him not alone will I break his heart I may start the ball rolling on changes that I am not sure I want. If I talk to my friends or family I feel as if I am betraying him and that there will be no turning back.

    I know if someone else asks me what they should do in my situation I would tell them that if I they don't love their husband anymore then they should finish it now before there are kids and it is the right thing to do. However I can't do this I couldn't break someone’s heart and have the people in my life know that I did this to him. What if I am wrong and this is just a phase?

    I would like to stress that there is nobody else in my life, I am not and never have cheated on him.


Comments

  • #2
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Don't be so hard on yourself! What you are going through is very common and you really need the support of a good friend. Please don't feel you are betraying him. Keeping this bottled up is not healthy and you need some perspective. That is what friends are for! A good friend will support you and treat you with respect and confidentiality. I was in the very same situation as you and without my friends I would not have got through.
    As for the bit about breaking his heart and being judged as the baddy, please don't think like that. You owe it too yourself to be happy and to allow him the option of meeting someone else more suited to him. You cannot sacrifice your happiness because of other peoples opionions of you.
    Summary
    1) Talk and confide in trusted friends/family members
    2) Don't worry about other peoples judgement, they don't have you live your life and you don't live your life for them.
    PM me if you like I have been through almost the exact same situation


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If you've been together this long and you're only having these feelings now then that's probably a good thing.
    Look you wouldn't be human if you didn't wonder at some point about relationships and who you really love. I had the exact same thing,only it was 3 years into the relationship and we weren't married.Spent a large part of a year tormenting myself over how much I loved him or whether I only loved him as a friend.Eventually we broke up briefly and I realised that I couldn't do without him in my life, which was pretty much the answer to my question.I do still wonder occasionally, but tbh I see myself spending the rest of my life with him and he's the one I want to have kids with, so I just accept these doubts as human, and move on.It's in our nature to question things.
    Talk to people you know and trust.The grass will always be greener elsewhere, and you can't be ecstatically in love with some 24/7, 365 days a year. It's horrible to have doubts like this I know the feeling, it takes over your whole life. But the best thing to do is talk to people you trust about it.


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