Will I ever get over him

LegacyUser

Sorry I'm going to have a huge babble on this, I can't talk to my friends as they think I'm over him I tend to hide it well, but I'm not. Basically I broke up with my b/f some time ago, he hurt me beyond belief in so far as tearing my heart to shreds and leaving me feeling so empty and hurt I don't think I will ever trust another guy. Yes he cheated on me and I was the fool all along when I was suspicious to believe his lies.
I'm sat here with tears streaming down my face as they have done all day, because everywhere I look he is there but only in my head, songs remind me of him, certain foods etc the list goes on and on.
I can't believe how upset I am today, I have been doing well until today and nothing has triggered this off, I just can't stop thinking about him.
I have not seen him since we split up and that was my choice he tried and tried his best to get me to meet up with him but I wouldn't, I just can't bring myself to see him again. As much as I would like to mash his face in I would be too afraid of the underlying feelings I still have for him, that I would be stupid enough to let something else happen between us.
I have had numerous opportunities to date other guys, but I refused because my head and heart is in such a mess and basically I don't hold much trust in guys....sorry I don't mean to generalise, it's just the way he has left me feeling.
Sorry for the whinge, but as I said I'm sat here eyes swollen from crying so much and feeling very lonely!! I just want the hurting to stop, but will it ever??

She Devil

Hey OP, I have been there!! It took me four years to enter into a relationship! My ex was an absolute slime to me at the end (well throughout to but i just didnt realise it) and yes it does hurt, unfortunately you keep thinking of the good things!
The answer is Yes you will get over him, but you have to help yourself to do it. Socialise in different places, organise breaks away for yourself, broaden your horizons and meet new people. when you realise that there are so many different people out there you will suddenly realise "what was i missing?"
You will get over it. Trust me. And the best thing is .. you will learn from it.

peanuthead

Okay, first thing's first. You are not the fool. He is. And everyone can see that. People don't look at you as being stupid for not noticing things like that. You trusted him and he broke that trust. It wasn't your job to be suspicious and spying on him, so you didnt fail at anything by not realising it was going on. You got hurt by a selfish prick.

What you need to get out of your head right now is that all men are like that because they are not. There are decent guys out there who were raised properly. Its finding them thats the task!! But understand this: Think of the happiest time you two had together. If being with him made you that happy can you only imagine how happy the right guy for you is going to make you feel when you meet him?

You have to ride this out, it will make you a much stronger person in the end. It will make you realise what you want....and what you don't. i think its an excellent idea not to go out with other guys until you head is sorted.

Good luck xxx

star-pants

OP my heart goes out to you it really does. I've been there, in the depths of despair, unable to go into a shop without some food item or clothing bringing me to tears. I shopped with shades on for a good while (only went out when I had to).
I felt worthless, like it was my fault, that *I* was no good. And I felt soooo helpless at being unable to control the emotions that overtook me on a daily basis.

I let that go on for far too long. Don't let it upset your life, it's so hard (I know) to try and keep doing your usual things but you have to for your own sanity. It seems easier to pull away from everything and everyone but that makes it much harder in the end.
Don't feel you have to date anyone or even be interested, your head and heart need time to heal, and until they do, I wouldn't suggest trying to be with someone else. I tried to be with someone else too soon and it made a big mess because my head was fried.

You will feel ok eventually, gosh I know how many times people said to me that I'd be ok in time, that it would stop hurting in time and I couldn't believe them, not then, not when I felt I was in a million pieces. It can take a long time, but the ways to improve things are to try and continue on with life, socialise, spend time with your friends. Even if it's only to cry at them! And ALWAYS remember, he cheated, he lied... he's not worth even a quarter of the tears you're sheading for him. He didn't deserve you - and karma will come round to him in time. You're a much better person - I know you're hurting bad, but that's because you care, unlike him. You will come out that bit stronger out of this, you'll be fragile for a while but in the end - you'll be ok. *hugs*

best of luck hun

Sleepy

I don't even need to read your post to tell you the answer to your question - the title is enough:

Yes - if you let yourself. Whatever he did, however he treated you, however perfect he seemed at the start, it wasn't meant to be so move on with your life. I blame bad movies and books for the way you feel, some people seem to think there's something romantic in someone moping around after an ex choosing to ignore the reality that it's actually pretty pathetic to pine for someone who no longer wants you...

Dudess

Hey OP, my heart goes out to you.

You WILL get over him but you have to make that happen too. The feelings you have are healthy and normal and you need to allow yourself experience them - it's a type of grieving process really. However, when you're starting to drown in these feelings and no longer able to cope with them, then it becomes a problem. You have a certain amount of control over this though - you don't have to LET those feelings swallow you up. You can turn this pent-up energy elsewhere:
- Do some exercise (it might feel like the last thing you want to do but please push yourself - it's so worth it).
- Chat to friends about it - you shouldn't feel like you're burdening them by doing this. They are your friends, that's what friends are for.
- Surround yourself with those you care about.
- Banish all thoughts of regret from your mind - regret, apart from learning from it, is useless. The choices you make in the past were what felt right at the time, and you had no knowledge of the future. Don't dwell on things even for a moment - it rips you up. I too am speaking from experience.
- Have some nights out, have fun, dress to kill, revel in male attention.
- STOP with the lost faith in males. The fact he's a guy is irrelevant - some PEOPLE are assholes irrespective of gender. There are many, many wonderful people, lots of whom are men.

You can mope around OP, and that really does feel like the easier option. Sure, have your afternoons on the couch surrounded by tissues and a tub of Ben & Jerry's - no harm in a little bit of that, it's comforting and you deserve it. But please don't let that become a habit or you'll end up digging yourself into a hole you'll find it difficult to get out of.

All the best, you'll get there...

LegacyUser

You poor woman, you sound awfully distressed but I think what you need is closure, revenge even.You say he asks to meet up with you, maybe you should but stand your ground, meet in public somewhere you cannot easily give into the temptation. Have you told him what you think of him clear your mind of all the things you may want/need to say to him. Then start again,because I'm sure he is not giving you a second thought why should you do him!
Think karma girl, he will get his come upppance once a cheat always a cheat, I just feel sorry for the next woman he gets involved with.