GF doesn't want children

LegacyUser

Hi,

So the gf and I are going out nearly two years and from early on she said she never wanted children. I listened and thought, ok, we'll just see how this plays out and address it later. So now it is later, as I've said we're going out a while and we talked about it. She has remained firm on the issue which is fine but the thing is, I don't know if I want kids or not. But to have the choice or the option entirely taken away from me is something I don't like.

So what do I do? Stay in the relationship and let it fail like all the others have! Or end it now to save inevitable heart break later?

Thanks very much,

S.

If it matters, I'm 29 and she's 5 years older.

abi2007

I think at 34 if she doesn't want kids she wont ever want them, she pushing on an age where she might not be able to have kids. I think your just going to have to accept her decision and decide whats best for you.

metrovelvet

If you want an option you will have to find someone who will give you one. Also consider that if she found herself pregnant with your child, she most likely would get rid of it.

Now, sometimes people change their minds in either direction when they or partner is pregnant, but it's not something you can gamble on.

WindSock

Have you asked her why? Do you think that she may reconsider and is just apprehensive?

MagicMarker

Sorry dude, you dug yourself a hole on this one.

At 32, your girlfriend told you she didn't want children, you hung around knowing this. What else were you expecting?

Daithi McGee

WindSock wrote: »

Have you asked her why? Do you think that she may reconsider and is just apprehensive?

Did you read the op's post?

buckrodgers

Having a child is a completly different lifestyle. Personally it is a lifestyle I love but it is not for everyone. Do you like the life you have now or can you see yourself in a hubby, wife and kids situation?

buckrodgers

Unregistered wrote: »

So what do I do? Stay in the relationship and let it fail like all the others have! Or end it now to save inevitable heart break later?

Just read this part - I'm a bit confused - why do you assume it will fail?

Zillah

If you were 24 rather than 34 I'd say just wait it out and she'll probably come round as she matures, but at 29 I doubt she's gonna change her mind. I suggest you just accept that she'll never want children and decide what you want more; to be with her and childless or to break up with her and hope to find someone who does want kids.

It's not an easy choice but staying with her and always hoping she'll change her mind would be asking for serious heartbreak a few years down the line.

Jack B. Badd

Unregistered wrote: »

But to have the choice or the option entirely taken away from me is something I don't like.

Exactly what options have been taken away from you? You're gf told you from the outset that she didn't want kids. Your options then were the same as they are now given that she still feels the same way.

daisybelle2008

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,

So the gf and I are going out nearly two years and from early on she said she never wanted children. I listened and thought, ok, we'll just see how this plays out and address it later. So now it is later, as I've said we're going out a while and we talked about it. She has remained firm on the issue which is fine but the thing is, I don't know if I want kids or not. But to have the choice or the option entirely taken away from me is something I don't like.

So what do I do? Stay in the relationship and let it fail like all the others have! Or end it now to save inevitable heart break later?

Thanks very much,

S.

If it matters, I'm 29 and she's 5 years older.

You are a funny fish :eek:
I don't understand what options have been taken from you. She told you she never wanted children and you ignored this and now feel hard done by....
As for the stay and let it fail bit, that is your choice obviously but you should fess up to your girlfriend that you did not heed her choice and as a result the relationship is doomed to failure 'cause you are not getting your own way. Don't blame her 'cause you don't know what you want and she is not falling into line on your whims (of which you are not certain). You are acting selfish and defeatist.

BubbleWrap85

Can I just say, that those of you who think he is the stupid one for ignoring what she said at the start about not wanting kids:

I am currently with a guy who has said he doesn't want kids. Now, I most certainly do. Not now, but a couple of years down the line I do. At the moment however, I'm only seeing him a couple of months so don't even know if we'll last into next month, never mind a couple of years down the line. Therefore, breaking up with him now because he doesn't want kids and I do would be a stupid decision to make as I don't know how long we'll last anyway.

What I'm trying to say is, from the outset, the OP knew his GF didn't want kids, but it would be silly of him to walk away at that early stage when it didn't really matter as how was he to know he would still be with her 2 years later?? I completely sympathise with him, and whilst I can't offer any concrete advice, I would sit her down & explain to her that this is an important choice for you. If you do want kids, you need to explain this to her that this could be a matter of make or break for the two of you. Think about it. You don't want to go along with this and discover a couple of years further down the line that you truly regret the decision.

Surely we don't enter into relationships with a view of it being long term? Therefore how can we judge if a decision such as hers is going to impact later on? We can't. We just have to go with the flow. If it ends naturally after a few months, then no harm done. If it doesn't, we need to rethink things. It wasn't stupid of him to "ignore" her decision on the matter. It just meant he wasn't necessarily assuming from the outset that they would be together after a couple of years, which is understandable.

LegacyUser

my sister got married at 24 was never having kids, had her first at 38 and her second at 40, plenty of women change their mind

Jack B. Badd

BubbleWrap85 wrote: »

Surely we don't enter into relationships with a view of it being long term? Therefore how can we judge if a decision such as hers is going to impact later on? We can't. We just have to go with the flow. If it ends naturally after a few months, then no harm done. If it doesn't, we need to rethink things. It wasn't stupid of him to "ignore" her decision on the matter. It just meant he wasn't necessarily assuming from the outset that they would be together after a couple of years, which is understandable.

If you go into a relationship that has the potential to be long term without addressing the issues that will affect it becoming long term then you can't really be too surprised when it doesn't go as you expect. Forward planning doesn't just apply to exotic holidays or monthly finances, relationships require it too.

trowelled

If she's adamant she doesn't want kids and you feel that you do then it is something which could tear you apart. At the moment I have no intention of having kids but I cannot say for definite that ten years down the line I still won't want them, however, at her age she is probably unlikely to change her mind. I think you should both sit down and discuss the issue. If she feelks like she is never gonna change her mind then you need to work out if you are willing to accept this decision and stay with this woman and not have children. If however you are absolutely sure that you want children then you need to reassess this relationship as it is an issue which could cause a lot of bitterness further down the line!

LegacyUser

First of all, thanks to all replies. Even to the ones who misunderstood the initial post.

BubbleWrap85 hit the nail pretty much on the head. You're going out with a girl for approx 6 months and everything is perfect, you get on great, the sex is out of this world things couldn't be better. But she doesn't want kids. Do you walk away from that and shrug your shoulders and say "Fair enough, fun while it lasted!", when you yourself are not 100% sure if you want kids?

To me, that would be foolish.

So 6 months turns in to 18. And a girlfriend has turned in to a long-term relationship with thoughts of moving in etc., and the fact that she doesn't want kids is still an issue. And I am still not 100% sure if I want them either. Which is why I am having this re-think, in a public/anonymous sort of way.

And by the way, I'm not a funny fish, I'm a hilarious fish! :P