tongue piercing

daviddwyer

(depsite my user name I am the mother)
have a 12 year old daughter. After spending last night with her father, today daughter announces she is getting tongue pierced. I am livid with her father but he just said that she really wants it done. I said no way as i feel she is far too young and it is too dangerous - but now I am the worst mother in the world.

What annoys me most is that for the first seven years of her life, he didnt want to know about her, I had to take him to court where he demanded a dna test which was done. Now he takes her overnight for 1 day every second week or so - whenever suits him really, and yet he feels it is his god-given right to make this sort of the descision. She is in her room sulking and does not even want to speak to me?

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

daviddwyer

thanks for that ..... but I tried to do that but sometimes he acts more like the 12 year old. All I got was "you didnt consult me when you got her ears pierced" - no point in trying to argue that - it was before he actually acknowledged her.

I tried to phone him back a while ago but he is not answering the phone!!

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

metrovelvet

She's 12. Your her mother. She's going to hate you anyway. It will pass.

Remind him he is just a tourist in his daughter's life. When he decides to be a parent then he can have a say.

daviddwyer

I wish that was the case solidaryman. Her father has a friend who owns a piercing/tattoo parlour and seemingly he is willing to do it with parental consent and unfortunately one parent consents.

Gerry81

hey just saw your thread on the boards front page. I'm not a parent so can't really help with that side of things.however I have quite a few piercings and as was said in a previous post most reputable piercing shops won't pierce anyone below the age of 16 even with parental consent. AFAIK there is no law that enforces this, its just common practice among reputable quality shops, and so it should be. Even though her father consents perhaps you should contact the store yourself and make it known to them your feelings on the matter, nobody likes bad publicity and I'm sure that most right minded adults would feel that piercing a twelve year olds tongue is wrong.

If it ends up going ahead the chances are she will remove it after a day or two. the piercing itself is quite painless (a sharp pinch but no lasting soreness) but the swelling can be quite uncomfortable (so can the feeling of a foreign object in your mouth, very hard to get used to it) and the piercing requires rigorous aftercare - non alcoholic mouthwash, unable to eat solid foods for several days, no spicy foods etc. I've had it done myself on a couple of occasions and taken it out after three or four days each time because its just far too much hassle ( I have piercings in my neck that took six months to heal but are far easier to deal with).

Finally if she has it done and all you can do is grin and bear it contact either bodyshock, snakebite or celestial ring in dublin for an aftercare guide (I'm sure if the store she has the piercing done in is willing to pierce her then their aftercare guide will be useless) and make sure she follows it properly to avoid any infection.

Not sure if this is of any help to you, maybe try posting in the body modification forum (arts>body modification) for some more info.

metrovelvet

daviddwyer wrote: »

I wish that was the case solidaryman. Her father has a friend who owns a piercing/tattoo parlour and seemingly he is willing to do it with parental consent and unfortunately one parent consents.

I can tell you that if your friend pierced my son with signed consent from his father, he would have the nastiest lawsuit slapped on him.

Nevyn

Is her father her guardian under law ?
if he isn't then he can't consent.

Sleepy

metrovelvet wrote: »

I can tell you that if your friend pierced my son with signed consent from his father, he would have the nastiest lawsuit slapped on him.

On what basis? There's no grounds to sue as piercing or tattooing a minor isn't illegal, just terribly wrong.

Nevyn

It is illegal when it is a minor unless you have the consent of a guardian, same as any medical proceedure.

Sleepy

Whether a father was a guardian or not, I can't imagine there's too many judges would come down on a studio for doing it when parental consent has been given. They might rap the father around the knuckles if he wasn't a legal guardian but it wouldn't be the studios responsibility to ensure that a parent was actually a guardian...

Nevyn

If he doesn't have guardianship then he let a minor be technically assaulted while in his care and can be done for neglect which if brought before a judge could resulat in a supervised visitation care order or the reduction or removal of visitation.

Sleepy

I certainly agree there Thaed, but I'd be astonished if the studio could be found liable for not checking if a father was a legal custodian of the child.

metrovelvet

^ It could because you can't make alterations to a minor's body without legal parental consent. Of course they can be held liable. It probably just hasn't happened yet, or we haven't heard about such cases.

Not to be nit picky here sleepy, but so as not to confuse readers there is a difference between guardianship and legal custodianship.

daviddwyer

He has neither guardianship or joint custody so I will try to remind him of that. We never married and although we did attend a court to initiate dna tests guardianship/custody terms were never agreed.

Sleepy

Any judge would accept the legal argument that the 'ordinary person' would (and should?) assume a child's father would have legitimate authority to grant parental consent.

To rule otherwise would create a situation where all parents would have to carry around some form of legal document to prove their right to grant consent on their childs behalf. Which, aside from the obvious administrative problems and political outrage, could potentially endanger the life of a child requiring a medical procedure (e.g. an emergency tracheotomy).

Though, as Thaed pointed out above OP, you could threaten your ex with legal action if he's not your daughter's guardian.

metrovelvet

Why would a judge accept that when it is against the law?

Nevyn

In the case of an emergency tracheotomy consent is not need to save a life.
But cleary other things do require parental consent like blood transfusions, which is why we have had children taken into care to ensure they get them.

It is up to the person who needs parental/gaurdianship consent to ensure they are getting it from the right person and if a person lies then they can look at taking action against them.

run_Forrest_run

Some people here are getting carried away with legal spewing, go watch some Matlock and relax!

As metrovelvet [rightfully] said, your girl is going to hate you anyway at this time in her life but don't confuse that with her not respecting you. You will have to sit her down and explain your concerns and how you are looking out for her, like you have been for the last 12 years. (I'm sure you have already done this!).

Also, have a quiet yet firm word with her father to watch his step or else this immature and irresponsible behaviour from him will result in him seeing less of his daughter until he grows up. I'm all for single fathers and them having their right to see their kids but it's when I hear of stuff like this I get so mad with some fathers!

Nevyn

Is her Dad aware of the 1 week in which she won't be able to speak properly and will be on a very restricted diet, what the after care is and how swollen her tounge will be ?
Is he willing to take a week off work and care for her ?

marti101

Ive had my tongue and other piercings but show her some pictures of when things go wrong.Scare tactics and show her father. some pierces would have pictures for. to turn off younger people.She wont listen to you but she might listen to the piercer,make an appointment to go in for a chat[let the piercer know in advance].And then make an informed decision.Go to the bodymods forum or pm me for some reputable places.

ebmma

Any decent piercing studio will not let a child have a piercing done under certain age.

Bring her over to Snakebite (Abbey street) and get her to talk to Steve. He's a great guy, very friendly and very professional. That studio wouldn't touch anyone under 14 afaik, they need parental consent and the under 18s piercings are only restricted to specific types.

Also, are you against her piercing her tongue in general or just at such a young age? If it is the latter, you can try to agree to postpone it?

littlebitdull

When your dealing with a 12 year old girl she is going to rebel against her mother anyway. So you do have to decide what battles you are willing to fight.

If this was my child this would be a battle I would be willing to fight with her over. But I will admit that I would never like my kids to have this piercing - and am quite tollerant of many other ones. I feel it may damage their teeth.

My son has got some of his ear piercings in snakebite and I have to say I have been very impressed with their aftercare and attention to detail. I would echo ebmma and say bring her in and talk to them. I doubt they would agree to do the piercing and could perhaps be a strange ally in your fight!!

daviddwyer

... and it isnt the father. Thankfully the 12 year old has herself decided that it is not for her. She has spoken to people and read on the internet about the dangers and has decided that she does not want to take the chance.

As for her father, well he seems disappointed that she is not getting it done and feels that I put pressure on her not to.... but thankfully she has made her own mind up.... I sometimes wonder which one of them is the child.

She has decided to get her ears repierced (they closed some years ago following an infection - which was one of my points) TBH, i dont think she was ever too serious about it - seemingly he suggested it and she knew she would have a battle with me - and was all up for it. Rebellious teenagers!!!

But thanks for the input!!

ebmma

daviddwyer wrote: »

... and it isnt the father. Thankfully the 12 year old has herself decided that it is not for her. She has spoken to people and read on the internet about the dangers and has decided that she does not want to take the chance.

She seems like a sensible girl
I'm glad it all worked out!

littlebitdull

Glad to hear it worked out, and so well too. Its always so much better when they reach the decision themselves!!

And she seems to have come to an informed decision - which is such a good sign for the forthcoming years!!