Billy no mates

LegacyUser

i have in the last year found myself in a difficult and embarassing position and would be gratefull to any advice anyone could give on the matter.

i'm a male in my late 20's with a good job which involves rostered shift work(combination of early mornings, late evenings and nights). Recenlty my social life revolved mostly around a group of 6-8 close friends and a long term girlfriend. in the last year my girlfriend and i have split and are no longer in contact and recently three of my close group of mates(all male) have emigrated to australia. my remaining friends are mostly female and are all in a relationship whil i am still single. my remaining attached mates are reluctant to do anything without their partners and i constantly feel like a third wheel. my work colleagues are a couple of years younger than me and just want to go on drinking benders all the time which i like now and again but ive never been a big drinker. the crux of my problem is that i now find myself wit few or no friends to socialise wit. its got to the stage where i have no one to go to the cinema or a concert with and have now no option but to stay in most weekends. i never had this problem before and always had lots of friends in school and college and i never thought that i would find myself in this situation.

Joining clubs or taking courses would be very difficult as the shift work would greatly interfere. i find most people my age have their own group of friends who they've known for years therefore making new friends to hang out with is proving difficult especially when you're trying not to come across as some sort of "billy no mates desperado" . Any ideas please?

shotcaller

Howdi,

I was gonna suggest the clubs/societies route but then read the second paragraph. I work shift and know it can be a pain in the hole! If there are some not too serious sports clubs in your areas that wouldn't mind if you couldn't commit 100% to them, I'd do that. I used to play GAA on a third team and that was great craic.

there are some classes that can be arranged to suit shift patterns and there's internet dating.

failing all that, you can call over to my house!

Randi

I'll be your friend

She Devil

Why don't you join one of the sports clubs that go with your job, Rowing? etc ...
By socialising with work mates you will make new friends. Again try internet chat sites, you will meet very interesting people and if you arent looking for a love interest you will find people from all walks of life.
...
Root out old friends from your facebook or bebo, everybody likes meeting up with old school mates. Don't get down about it, its just a stage.
And in failing all that ... yeah i'll be your mate to

Trinity

Hey, I'm the same. Except its my kids and not shift work that curtails my ability to get out and meet people!

Have you any interests hobbies that you can do online, even on here? There are so many forums, sports, MA, shooting and all meet up afaik. You wouldnt be commited to go at any time but could pop along occasionally.

There are also boards beers. There are thousands of people on here and even making one friend makes the difference. There are lots of nice people on here and its not always about going on benders, I'm in fact looking forward to meeting up with some people on here that I have gotten to know a bit through chatting

LegacyUser

I'm pretty much the same. I've started to dread weekends because I end up having nothing to do and spending time on my own.
Or I call someone who is no good for me and who I don't' even really like that much (a fu*k buddy) and then regret it if he comes over or feel depressed if he doesn't.... pretty pathetic!
I'm not so sure about the internet solution though... I'd be very wary about actually meeting up with someone I'd met online and I think just hanging out and talking online all the time would make more depressed.

kingofthecastle

yeah i can understand its a bit of a difficult situation alright. the key i think is to get out and about as much as possible. most clubs and groups dont mind if you miss a day here and there. i think everyone goes through a phase like this at some stage of their lives

LegacyUser

shotcaller wrote: »

Howdi,

I was gonna suggest the clubs/societies route but then read the second paragraph. I work shift and know it can be a pain in the hole! If there are some not too serious sports clubs in your areas that wouldn't mind if you couldn't commit 100% to them, I'd do that. I used to play GAA on a third team and that was great craic.

there are some classes that can be arranged to suit shift patterns and there's internet dating.

failing all that, you can call over to my house!

yeah might give the gaa thing a go, played up until last year but then gave ip up as the shift work was interfering with it, then again i was only playin junior b, not much commitment required. won't be going down the internet dating route, would not be able to put my photo up on a dating site

cheers for all the replies so far

Clare Bear

Are you in Dublin? You could meet people through here. Lots of the forums have Beers/cinema/hillwalking etc outings. If you're not in Dublin some of the Regional forums have get togethers too.

Trinity

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm pretty much the same. I've started to dread weekends because I end up having nothing to do and spending time on my own.
Or I call someone who is no good for me and who I don't' even really like that much (a fu*k buddy) and then regret it if he comes over or feel depressed if he doesn't.... pretty pathetic!
I'm not so sure about the internet solution though... I'd be very wary about actually meeting up with someone I'd met online and I think just hanging out and talking online all the time would make more depressed.

Been there

Online is not so bad as its usually a group thing, like on here. Lots of friendships have come from here, people you probably wouldnt get to meet in your normal day to day business.

I dont necessarily mean dating sites.

LegacyUser

Hows it going...

I think youre far from alone in that situation.

Im the same boat and I think a lot of people in their mid- to late twenties are too. People move into different phases of their lives around this time and if youre not in synch with them, your compatability to then, and, by extension, the opportunity to spend the same amount of time with, them diminishes.

In addition, a lot of the friends-by-association that we formed through networks like school, college and sport (when we were able for it that is!) begin to slip away and that leaves a vaccuum as well.

Im late twenties and was in a relationship for about 8 years. During that time, I wouldnt have been as available to my single friends as they might have liked and now that Im single again a lot of these guys are married, attached, have kids or have shagged off around the world.

And the single friends I have now seem so intent on unsingling themselves that they pop on and off the radar every few weeks depending on whether they have hooked up with someone and are "dating" or back out searching for someone again!

The shift work is a kicker.. cos clubs etc are the best way I suppose of re-establishing new social outlets, but maybe if the Junior Bs will take you back and put up with you popping along every once in a while thatll be the job for ya.

Besides, youll probably meet a nice cailin soon and your next post will be bemoaning your lack of time to yourself

Either way, Ill be your friend as well. We can all start a Billy club

LegacyUser

Ever think of volunteering?

Seriously, not only does it give you a good feeling but often the people you work with are positive, open people (stands to reason). Give it a shot- theres a wide variety of things you can do- its not just standing on a corner annoying people with leaflets. Looks good on the CV, sounds good if it comes up in conversation, feels good if you find yourself connecting with the people.

Not sure if I can post a link here but if you google volunteering you'll find a few links

shotcaller

I was thinking about this thread since my last post. and came up with two other suggestions, the volunteering as the poster before me said and the other is a open university course.

it may not exactly make you friends, but it will take your mind off things and when you're not thinking about a problem, the solution often rises it's beautiful head!

You certainly have a lot of offers for friendship here!

towel401

Unregistered wrote: »

Ever think of volunteering?

Seriously, not only does it give you a good feeling but often the people you work with are positive, open people (stands to reason). Give it a shot- theres a wide variety of things you can do- its not just standing on a corner annoying people with leaflets. Looks good on the CV, sounds good if it comes up in conversation, feels good if you find yourself connecting with the people.

Not sure if I can post a link here but if you google volunteering you'll find a few links

+1

Work for nothing in a shop like i do :P

Porkpie

OP, I'm in a similar situation - late 20's. My social calendar isn't exactly crammed lately. I used to have loads of school/work buddies but they're now either married or fecked off around the world. I too find it difficult to make friends, it gets harder when you get older I think. I definitely agree with the voluntary route if you can fit it in - it would give you a great sense of fulfilment, and you'd never know who you might meet.

Alternatively, assuming you're single, you could try speed dating. I've done it before, and it's great craic, even if you don't manage to meet miss wrong. Plenty of guys and gals show up on their own, so even if you arrive solo you get talking to others. You didn't necessarily say you're looking for a girlfriend but the best outcome is you meet someone nice, and you know when you start going out with someone the way your whole social circle opens up through meeting her friends.

Hope this helps, feel free to pm me if you want more info on the speed dating!

LegacyUser

this a summary of the answers you gave to my problem:

1. internet dating
2. speed dating
3. junior b football
4. internet chat rooms
5. social networking sites aka bebo and facebook
6. working for nothing(volunteering)
7. beers with boards randoms
8 drinking benders with work colleagues

bar the the junior b football, i have to say that i'm not inclined to try any of the other suggestions. although i'm not looking for a girlfriend and am reasonably happy single, if i was i would definitely go the conventional route rather than speed dating or internet dating. i just feel that these options stink of desperation and would confirm me as a complete loser. I dont intend that as an insult to anyone who does use these methods but they aint for me. although i'm gratefull for all your suggestions, i feel as though i'm still at square 1.

Since i put up the thread i've buried myself in my work which i love and have recently been promoted. have been considering joining a gym and possibly signing up for some kind of fitness classes and see where that leads. things can only improve

Trinity

Unregistered wrote: »

this a summary of the answers you gave to my problem:

1. internet dating
2. speed dating
3. junior b football
4. internet chat rooms
5. social networking sites aka bebo and facebook
6. working for nothing(volunteering)
7. beers with boards randoms
8 drinking benders with work colleagues

bar the the junior b football, i have to say that i'm not inclined to try any of the other suggestions. although i'm not looking for a girlfriend and am reasonably happy single, if i was i would definitely go the conventional route rather than speed dating or internet dating. i just feel that these options stink of desperation and would confirm me as a complete loser. I dont intend that as an insult to anyone who does use these methods but they aint for me. although i'm gratefull for all your suggestions, i feel as though i'm still at square 1.

Since i put up the thread i've buried myself in my work which i love and have recently been promoted. have been considering joining a gym and possibly signing up for some kind of fitness classes and see where that leads. things can only improve

Well bar those suggestions i am not sure how exactly you make friends otherwise i probably wouldnt spend so much time on here

I guess the friends i had in the past i met through school or work, some people i grew up with. One or 2 i met through doing a bit of fostering animals and a couple of friends i have made off here through realising we had a few things in common through general chatting on the forums.

You have to meet people in order to get to know them and unless you are going to walk up to people on the street and say be my friend well i dont know what else you can do other than put yourself into social situations.

But just remember a stranger is just a friend you havent met yet. And the likes of the boards beers there could be up to 50 people at them, not all out looking for friends just finally meeting face to face some of the people they have been chatting to. i dont think anyone views that as desperation its called socialising.