Just been dumped

LegacyUser

guys, i know there have ben numerous threads on this but i just need to get this off my chest!

Met my ex of 4 hours 2 and a half years ago when i was in college. were living together for a while and then had to move house so we moved to a town near his homeplace, where i knew nobody but knew he would like to move there, so went with it. got myself a job and things were great. to cut a long story short he broke up with me a few hours ago because he had decided to move home. (me and his mum dont get on at all)

So, i kinda knew it was coming the last couple of days but was hoping i was wrong. What is annoying me is that when i asked him why he was breaking up with me he said it was because he didnt want to have to listen to me giving out about his mum and his mum giving out about me - personally i dont see this as a proper reason for breaking off a long term relationship - surely this is something tha could be worked through. So i asked him if there was anything else and he didnt give me another reason. so now I am sitting in an apartment in a place where i dont know anyone, i am literally on my own. I decided to move back home - but this is where i have another dilemma - i have to give up my work and i will be seriously leaving them in the lurch i feel awful about it.

My head is in a mess, i love this guy to pieces and after so long he cant even give me an explanation as to why hes breaking up with me.

i needed to get this off my chest, sorry for rambling

TEH REAL CDP

That's really horrible OP.

I'm not even going to attempt to hypothesise why he did this - I'm not him and neither are you. Only the two of you will ever figure that out.

What I will say is this; your attitude from now on is crucial. Sure, you're hurting and nothing makes sense but you must be proactive. Don't just sit in your room contemplating things - as tempting as that may seem.

You need to be around people now. To help lift you out of the doldrums. Go speak to your friends, have a coffee, surround yourself with people you trust. This is not me telling you to go on the lash, get hammered and laid - that won't help things. At all. This is relatively fresh news for you so you need to sort your head out first. As I suggest, talk to your friends and get some fresh air. You are in a new town but I'm sure you have skype, can text your mates and have a chat with some trustworthy people to vent your feelings.

Maybe he just needs some space at the moment. You might never know what will happen in a day or so. there could be a lot of pressure on him at home. If you are really confused and you can't shake it, ask to meet to discuss things to see if you can salvage anything (even friendship) from this. Don't do anything rash at the moment.

Trying to stay as objective as possible - I feel it was rather childish of him to up and leave you like that without an explanation. You have numerous options - you could grin and bear it for a trial period in the new place... see how it goes? You sound like your an integral part of wherever you work... so maybe halting your integration with your colleagues at this particular moment may not be an option if you feel that you are fitting in? You could indeed move home. Or you could go after the guy, visit him at home and confront him to get an answer.

There's the other side to it... if he's this erratic and whimsical (as suggested by your side of the story), maybe he's not what your looking for. A relationship, from my perspective - needs to be stable to have value and the stamina to go the distance. Is this a sign of something that could potentially be a problem if you were to get back together and get more serious? You need to think about his actions... if a grown man is going to allow his mother to rule his life then, I think there's a problem. As you are not married however... he is under no obligation to "pick" you - I mean that in the nicest way possible. "Blood is thicker than water" is the expression that comes to mind. So if you were to reconcile... I'm guessing you would have to make peace with his mum.

Anyway, in the interim - don't beat yourself up about things. Just try to be as proactive as possible. Break ups are never nice. You'll feel like total crap but it will pass. I'm serious, it really will. Just try to be objective in what you do and ask yourself if this is a guy you can rely on?... Or if he has done you a favour. What does your gut say to you? Talk to your friends, look after yourself.


Also, if he does come back - make sure you get a proper reason... I don't subscribe to the neuroticism (sp?) that "love is madness". Love is love (simple as) and you have the right to feel secure in your mutual commitment to your significant other.

Best of luck, keep your chin up and it will get better in time.

kingofthecastle

as a bloke, he probably did have a good reason for breaking up with you but he probably didnt want to spell it out to you because he didnt want to hurt you further. lads will do anything to avoid a confrontation or argument with a girlfriend and when its over we just want to get out as quick as possible with the least amount of hassle.

wanting to know the real reason will eat away at you and drive you mad if you let it. What he did was lousy and makes him a mammy's boy. Give your employer 2 weeks notice and then move home and start afresh.

DarkJager

If he's breaking up with you because of what his mother thinks, then he'd really want to go and grow a set of balls for himself. You're better off without such an immature mammys boy to be honest.

LegacyUser

REbound

dixiefly

I honestly feel for you - he does sound like a bit of a wimp. However a breakup was always a possibility when you moved there and in hindsight you probably made a bit of a mistake in moving lock, stock and barrell to a location that suited him only.
The location should have been to a location that suited you both.

If I were you I think that this is what I would do:

1. Dont give up your job just yet - tell them your situation and that you may be moving on in a few months. They may accomodate you by allowing you a reduced number of days in the week. This will allow you to line up something that suits you in a location that you want.

2. Insist that your ex continue to pay half of the rent until it is appropriate for you to move on.

3. Use the area you are in as a base for work and go home the rest of the time. You havent said how long you are in the job, have you developed any friends there?

As an aside it would be a great plus for you if you were able to demonstrtae independence from him, perhaps even meet someone. Now, I am not advocating going with someone on the rebound but you never know what might happen. If you managed to to go out more in the area or join a club it may make the time go better - you have nothing to lose .

Clare Bear

I might have a different spin on this because I too moved to my ex boyfriend's home place a few years ago. We were doing the whole long distance thing for a year, then one of us had to move and it was easier that I did. So I got a transfer in college, it worked for a while but we broke up and I felt like you do now, all alone in a place that I knew no one but him and his friends. I was very close to packing it all in and moving home. I felt very alone. But I decided that I was going to hang in there. I moved in with a few girls (who are still my best friends now a few years later) and even though I was miserable for a while, slowly I got used to making that town my own and eventually started to associate it with other things rather than him. And now I can look back and think about all the new people I met, the great experiences I had and it made me stronger. If I had moved home I would always look back at that place badly but now I smile when I think about it. So maybe you are 100% sure you want to move back home but it's still very raw, if you're happy in your job maybe you could move in with some like minded people and see can you make it your own. Only downsides of this is that you will still see him around but that will get easier too.

If not and if you decide you're definitely moving back home I hope it all goes well for you. You changed your life for him and it didn't work out, some things don't unfortunately. I know how hard it is when you've moved away from everything and everyone you know to be with someone and for it not to work out. But if there's any way you can make it work out there without him then maybe at least give it a go?

Also if I was you I'd want to know the exact reason he broke up with you. If it is just the whole mother issue then lucky escape now if she has that much of an effect on him. If it was me I'd want to make sure that was the reason though or it would eat me up.

Whatever you decide good luck, you have a tough time ahead of you but (here we go!) it does get easier. Look after yourself.

LegacyUser

hey, OP here,

thank you so much for all of your replies. the ex stayed in the apartment that night, i couldnt sleep so stayed up and the next morning he went to kiss and hug me before he went to work! As if it wasnt bad enough that he just dumped me, he tries screwing with me like that!

I so mad and upset. I moved back home saturday, decided that i just cant stay down there cause i dont know a soul apart from him and his mates. I feel so let down by him. Only a couple of days before he was telling me he loved me, how can things change in such a short time??

I text him today to see if i could get a reason for the split from him, but all he did was start going on about the teddys he bought me that i left behind. I couldnt take them with me, id cry everytime id see them. then he said 'it was the end of the road for s' I dont think this is a good enough reason. he didnt txt me after that.

Not only is the above worrying and annoying me, but i am quite a bit late for my period (we're talking 3 months) I dont think its a 9 month thing but i cant help worrying. he knows all about this and doesnt seem to care. We've broken up and i am hearbroken but i know it is for the best and if would never get back with him. and i would never use this situation to get back with him. But i am so scared and i cannot believe he has completely ignored the situation. I am slowly realising that i didnt know him at all.

oh my head his wrecked!